Although she has displayed cognitive issues, this break caught me completely off-guard. She is misplacing things and swears he's stealing things.
I'm in no way prepared this. There are no directives to care for her or her disabled 23 yo son. She has a 48 yo son who has his own family and a job.
I can't do this. I'm a recovering cancer patient with one kidney that's failing. My husband is also a cancer patient with metastasis. She is not aware that there is something wrong with her. She has practically baracaded herself in her house.
I want her to go to the doctor for a complete physical to rule out any medical issues. This is a person who treats herself with herbs and refuses to see a doctor.
Forgive me. I am rambling and lost. I don't know where to start. I was going to call APS this morning, but the reviews frightened me. She's called the police non-emergency line to talk about things in her house. I don't think yet they are aware of what's really happening. I called them yesterday and asked that her address be flagged and explained the extent of the issues there.
And if it's not a UTI, then you MUST call APS(despite any reviews) and report a vulnerable adult with possible dementia and living with her disabled son, as they are both at great risk in the home now.
Your sister needs help as does her son and someone has to have the balls to do what is best for the both of them. Hopefully that will be you.
Call APS now!!!
You talk about there being a 23 year-old disabled son of hers in the house (your nephew). Where is his father? Is his father the ex-husband she thinks is coming in and stealing from her? Call him. He needs to take some responsibility for his son. The other son needs to step up a little bit as well. The fact that he has a job and a family is not a Get-Out-Of-Taking-Any-Responsibility card. Everyone has jobs and families and they still help. Maybe he doesn't want the legal responsibility of conservatorship for his mother and that's understandable, but he can petition the court to get conservatorship for his brother at least and get him into whatever level of residential care is appropriate for his needs.
Don't be afraid of APS or their reviews. Be afraid that a disabled person (your nephew) is living with someone (your sister) who is completely out of it from some form of dementia or some form of mental illness.
You have a lot on your plate and this is too much for any one person to handle under the best circumstances. The purpose of APS is to make sure vulnerable adults are safe and their care needs met.
Someone is always going to be disgruntled with APS because they WILL step in and make sure that the person in question gets help. Someone like your mom, who may be killing herself or at the very least deteriorating from taking useless herbs, would probably be the first to holler "APS is killing me!" But you MUST get help for her and likewise her disabled son. Otherwise you might have two deaths to contemplate throughout eternity. At this point, you should fear what your mother is doing more than what APS could do for her!
Make the call. You need to put your own health and your husband's first. Don't let a crazy lady, by default, make decisions for herself (and thus for you). For the record, I do use herbal tea for throat and bladder. So I'm not totally anti-herb. But when we have serious health problems, modern drugs are the way to go. Big Pharma has been my friend and helped me survive to an amazing age of good-enough health. I'm pretty sure modern drugs could do something to help your mom too.
2. Do not allow mother to return to your home. If YOU live in her home, move out.
3. Call Social Services and Discharge planning at the hospital, report your and your husband's dire medical conditions and give them your doctor's phone numbers.
Tell them your mom needs guardianship of the state if she is found incompetent.
4. If she returns home do not intervene. Call APS for concerns for her care.
What you are doing is not sustainable.
sorry to hear and it is indeed very disturbing. My father got deliriuM I. Hospital and she. He exited. We had the doctor review his tablets and found that his pain killing tablets seemed to generate the delirium crazy talk
Along with that dehydration
it took patience getting dad to drink more and the change of tablets and suddenly the crazy talk completely stopped.
it wouldn’t surprise me if this may be the case with your mother ? ( my father is 93)
i would recommend speaking to her doctor and monitoring her water intake/levels
my fathers arrow went to my sisters partner - he was stealing his things !
all stopped now.
that all says a lot of people do abuse old people and they do steal from them
so I would also keep an eye on mothers things
who knows she may have seen something irregular
I agree with physical exam. My dear friend—super smart—started sleeping in her car in her druvewat in Florida’s summer heat bc she was convinced snakes were getting in the house thru an electrical outlet. She did go to the doc. I was not told they found anything but she died within a couple months. Something was wrong.
Wishing you some help in this very difficult situation.
See All Answers