Mum with moderate mixed dementia not settling in assisted living retirement village. May have to put her in a care home. Any advice?

If her mental health team has assessed the level of care that she needs, then, I would not ignore that. From what you describe, she needs a lot of direct supervision. Plus, she's at risk for wandering. Once a dementia patient wanders or threatens to wander in my jurisdiction, they are only safe in a secure facility. It's for their own safety.

I will say that once my LO, who has Vascular Dementia, possible also mixed with AD, was prescribed a secure Memory Care due to wandering, it was such a good transition for her. She immediately seemed to relax once we arrived. She seemed to sense that the other residents were like her and it worked out wonderfully. She had felt uncomfortable in a regular AL, since the other residents were not as advanced with dementia as she was. In MC she was more more at home.

I would try to view things from your mother's view as she is now and not how she might have viewed it before she had the mental decline. That helped me a great deal when dealing with my LO's issues.

Also, you can check out the facility in advance. At my LO's facility, they have a secure outdoor area as well as porch and grounds that the residents can go with assistance. I'd also keep in mind that no matter where she lives, she may say she wants to go home and continue to pack her bags. That often happens with people who ARE living inside their own home. The home may be a place in their mind from the past and not an actual physical location.

Hi again, Elaine. If you're anywhere near an MHA continuous care centre, pop along and have a look round. I'm hoping it'll soothe your fears of the prison gates feeling - a lot has changed in best practice, and MHA (with others, of course) have some amazing real life examples.

Oh crumbs, don't tell me that's where she already is - ?!

Is she receiving any medications for her agitation? How long has she been residing there?

Are you in the UK, Elaine?

Thank you Sunny. Will definitely take all your advice. Country Mouse, yes I am in the uk. Barb, no medication for anxiety, she’s just on Alzheimer’s tablets, water tablets, I have asked if they can give her something to calm her, but not sure if they will, there is a doctors on site so I will ask, and she’s being tested again for uti. Although it was clear 2 weeks ago when they tested her. She’s been in assisted living for 3 months. I agree with Sunny that it may now be time to move her to a care home. Thanks everyone.

Hartfields looks lovely, and with the Rowntree connection I'd guess its ethos comes from a similar mindset to MHA's - except the Rowntree roots are Quaker, and MHA's are Methodist - Christian philanthropy with its sleeves rolled up, anyway, is how I tend to think of it.

Happy hunting, please let us know how you're getting on, and don't forget to breathe! I know how horribly stressful it all is.

MC doesn't have to feel like a prison. My dad's MC is a lock down but that's mostly at the entrances into the wing. Once you are in the wing, unless you are trying to get into the nursing staging room, there just aren't any locks. Residents can walk from their room to the common room and kitchen area to the outside porch and small garden or into the glass enclosed visiting rooms without restriction.