Mum is getting more and more aggressive, Advice?

Kazzaa, it sounds like your mom needs medication. Don't know if it's UTI or just her progressing in her dementia disease. My mom became aggressive similar to your mom. This lasted for months because my dad refused to give her prescription to calm her down - because it made her just sit and stare off into space. He preferred for her to be up and moving, even if it meant she was violent.

No, you cannot reason with her. Are you able to find out what exactly is irritating her to be so aggressive? With my mom, she hated being inside the house. She wanted OUT. (sundowning) She was more aggressive in the late afternoons - when she would literally attack us. At nights, she's at the door, banging it, wanting to get out.

In the meantime, because your mom is becoming aggressive, please make it a point to watch her carefully. Look into her eyes, her facial expressions, is her hands closed fisted? These were signs of my mom when she was about to attack us. Sometimes, her face is very neutral, but her hands were clenched as she slowly walked toward us. We Ran. Then she ran after us. Inside the home, we learned to listen for her before entering the room. We had to make sure that we had an exit away from her. Because when she attacks, we didn't want to be cornered and have no way out. Lock your bedroom door at nights. Between now and her doctor's visit, you just need to be pro-active. And hide anything that might hurt her. We had to hide all the knives (for our safety.)

Sorry that your mom is becoming aggressive and that you have to deal with it until her appointment. Any way of pushing it up? Call to see if there was any last minute cancellation? {{Hugs}}

I think most certainly mom needs to be put on some medication to keep her calm when one of these attacks come on. For her saftey as well as the rest of the family. No one wants to have their mom live in a facility but sometimes there does become detrimental to the patient to not have professional care around the clock. For example my moms bed was lowered almost to the floor to keep her from hurting herself. At home she was constantly undressing herself. The professionals asked us for money and got jump suits that snapped down the back. It was the most stressful, exhausting and terribly sadest period that my family had every been through. Words can't do it justice. You look into your mothers eyes and she's not in there anymore. Right now you're main concern should be for the safety of the entire family. Seek the help of an Elder Care Attorney, always better to be prepared for the unknowns!

You may all think that I'm a fringe lunatic, but I took my mother for hypnotherapy because she would wake up in the night laughing like a lunatic and being very aggressive with me. Sometimes she would be screaming. When I would try to awaken her, she would be very angry and aggressive, which is not in her nature. The hypnotherapist did remote work for her and her demeanor no longer goes awry. She is her old loving self - still can't remember names, but that is not why I consulted the hypnotherapist. I'm taking her back to see if she can be helped in remembering. It's not paid for by most insurance and the cost is about the same as seeing a psychologist. Make sure that the hypnotheapist is certified. The one we saw was certified by the National Guild of Hypnotists.
You've got to figure that if a hypnotist can get people to bark like dogs or cluck like chickens on stage for entertainment, they can change a person's behavior. It might be worth a shot.

I understand kazzaa. My MIL had a terrible combative period lasting for months. At first, I avoided meds because she became just a bit zombie-like. But in the end, medication was better than serious aggression. You can adjust dosage till it's good. Haldol and seroquel were our answer.

Professional analysts by traditional or alternative practitioners because seroquel/Haldol takes your mind away then put you to sleep. But you manage what is affordable. You could test to fine an old school regular doctor that is over the age of 60,maybe one at a College Med Center. Her night terrors may be easily treated, don't freak,but dont wait.

Thank goodness for this blog that kazzaa needs so desperately at this time in her life. I'm thinking about you and praying for each of us to have grace, understanding and new coping skills each day. Such informative, kind and loving advice. This communication is making all the difference in my caregiving life these days. Thanks to all of you. Here's hoping your 4th of July holiday is one to fondly remember!

Aggression can be a sign of many problems. First and most it's her way to address something bothering her while she cannot express it verbally. Yes, it could be UTI, depression or something else.... The fastest way is to give her a pill, but first you should try to talk to physician to see if she could be checked for it and, maybe, you can start from remedies: calming teas and oils. Diffused, rubbed into skin, swallowed - any way you can deliver it. Be ready do not see results over night. Remedies need time to make improvements.....
Just make sure it's all the best quality and safe to use that way. I usually suggest young living oils.

I hope I don't do these things to my one and only child. It is tough.....

Seroquel/Haldol did not take my MIL's mind away. It calmed her down and gave her some peace. She had been agitated to the point of crazy and her aggression took things to a new level. She was biting, kicking and spitting. Swearing at everybody and making up crazy stories. Sorry, but screaming and biting and hating is not the way to live. She was receiving the best and kindest care possible but nothing worked. Yes, oh yes, we tried about everything first.

If you haven't "been there" please do not think less of us who found help with meds.

Like above, anytime there is a change in behavior suspect a medical issues such as a UTI. If a UTI isn't causing the change in behavior it could be depression or dementia. Dementia can change the personality. It's good she is seeing a specialist soon. Remember, her behavior is not a result of anything you have done or said; don't take it personally. good luck

Look out for yourself. Don't take this lightly. If you're feeling afraid, then it's time to get help. Contact the geriatrician now. It will be easier to relay your observations candidly without mom present and s/he can know what to look for during the appointment. It would be best to WRITE your concerns so they become part of your mom's patient file (that way they must be dealt with). Drop off a letter before the appointment.

If your mum's 'aggression' is limited to her slamming doors, then you have little to worry about.

Wait for the geriatricitian's diagnosis.

Making diagnoses from a short post that contains very little detail is foolhardy, and relying on such diagnoses to recommend a course of action is even worse.

UTIs can only be confirmed by urunalyais and culture and sensitivity testing.

People often slam doors when they are angry but it rarely signifies an infection. Your Mum obviously disagrees with your 'reasoning,' whatever you mean by that.

Guessing at cyber-distance is a dangerous game to play with the health of another. Clinical examination and a variety of tests are needed to arrive at a safe diagnosis and to decide on a course of treatment, should that be necessary.

Be kind and humour her until health service [professionals have had the chance to determine whether there is anything 'wrong' with your mother, or whether she is fed up with other people telling her what to do and how to do ,it.

Please be very, very cautious about medical or psychiatric advice given in this forum. Most contributors are not professionals and what might fit one case, such as the case or cases they know, probably will not fit every case.

People mean well, but medicine is such a big field that requires professionals to do it properly without endangering the cared for.

I wish you well.

lots of great answers here, we've all been there!I would like to put my 2 cents in also. My Mom not only got agressive, she tried to jump out the window and took off up the hill on foot after recovering from a broken hip (also had/has dementia). She started hitting my caregiver as I was on my way home from work, and it took 2 neighbors to get her safely into their car and then I got help getting her into my house. All chains on tops of doors here but my caregiver thought going out would calm her, no way! She sat in a chair, calmed down, and started to cry and said "whats wrong with me?"
I called the neurologist and he put her on a medicine called depakote sprinkles. Its supposed to be for seizures, to calm the brain but also works for dementia agression. It worked like a charm. not only was she happier ON medicine, but so was I. At first she slept a lot, then she got adjusted to it and was fine. I kept trying to wean her off it after a year and the agression snuck back in. Now, 2 years later, she is off of it and fine, happy and alert, Good luck, just dont take it personally, you cannot rationalize with them in that state of mind and she does not mean it, she cannot help it. Lock the doors and like bookluver said, hide the knives, scissors, etc and watch her closely.

You need to investigate if she is in pain, something is bothering her.She needs meds so she can explain her combative nature.She can't explain it herself right now so get the medical community involved to evaluate the whys and wherefores.Once she calms down come up with a plan so she doesn't need to go through this again.I have had to deal with combative patients, it turned out to be UTIs, pain, once a twisted bowel, a tooth infection, the list is endless.Good luck and please don't stop seeing her she cannot help herself.Good luck

Low blood sugars or hunger "cravings" can cause these symptoms as well ( my self included lol took me a while to realize...) I started studying up an supplements and foods turned out I believe any way, a deficiency in certain vitamins. Changed my diet added b complex with lecithin and kelp tablets for help with thyroid issues and wow, what a difference! You can tell with low sugars, (acting like a mean drunk and combative as so with diabetics.) Hunger and or cravings (low sugars) (ever see an addict with withdraws? and it doesn't have to mean substance abuse...) So much good advice on this site all brainstorming to give ideas and options for you to consider and the best one I feel is being safe, and staying safe and push for the examination asap. Be safe, Be strong and Be helped with all your needs!

The neurologist would not prescribe my Mom Seroquel/Haldol since she is 90 years old. If I could ask how old are your parents who are getting prescribed medications for aggression. Totally under what Kazzaa is going thru.

Like Reverseroles' response, my mom was also put on Depakote sprinkles and it helped enormously. She had such horrendous aggression that she had the strength of 3 men. It was frightening and I will never forget it, as most of her anger was directed at ME. I had a breakdown and had to be hospitalized for 4 days because of it. I know this society tends to be "overmedicated" and there are many who are dead set against medicating--

--but believe me, there is a time and there is a place for medicine. My emotional sanity, and the ability for mom to stay in a nursing home was at stake. Depakote sprinkles helped even out her moods (ps: there is a history of major depression in the maternal side of her family so this is not surprising that it manifested itself when dementia began)

Frankly drug her to keep her non-combative or get her out of your house asap for you and your family's safety before there's a 911 call about someone in your house being stabbed or bashed over the head with a lamp. I'm serious. Combativeness only gets worse. Many here go on about UTI, as if it's the cure all for nasty, but there's no curing narcissist nutter nasty and, as they decline, it gets worse. As they say in the legal profession "govern yourself accordingly".

Some here have told you to hide all knives and guns and to lock your bedroom door at night, Excuse me? Do you really want to live in a lock down prison 24/7?

Ashlynne and all mums a diabetic so yes it could be low bloods although i checked her monitor and its SKY high. She wont eat then eats bread lots of carbs so bad for a diabetic im shocked she is still alive? Refuses to see doc has clam moments then just verbally attacks oh gosh if she ever hit me of my cat thats it game over i will put her in a NH asap stuff that!

Its now when you see her face and as book says her eyes that "dementia" is in your face its latin for "madness" and yes im now seeing madness. Thankgod my brother rings every night but this is her house and ive no means to leave but i will this is going to get worse and i can see violence its not in her nature before but this illness can change people.
My only fear now is she refuses to see geriatrician on friday my big useless brother is coming up and my other brother has warned him to "man up" and get her to that apt!

Some people are docile with this illness why? we dont know and some get violent? But i know and understand that mum needs to watch her bloods as this is bad for mood swings in "vascular dementia". Also oxegen is so important but she wont go out and walk so the less she behaves the worst she will get.

Cant wait to see the "act " she will put on this friday but hes a very intelligent man and has so much pity and understanding for carers he even has his seats adjusted so the carer is behind mum so i can nod my head etc...

Programme on now about "death and the Irish" HA!! how we view death? would love to watch it but not with mum sitting there although its nothing to fear it cant be worse than this job!!! LOL

Dementia is NOT Latin for 'madness,' nor anything like unto it. I suggest you consult a medical dictionary before you give out such flawed information.

"A little learning is a dangerous thing.
Whoever drinks at that Pierian spring
Must quaff it deep
For sipping simply fuddles up the brain,
But drinking deep doth sober it again"

Please get real.

I think it is probably a side effect of her medication Aggressive behaviour is a major side effect of psychotropic drugs and instead of blaming it on dementia read about the side effects You may get help from www.cchr.org

kazzaa- I hope you can get your mom to the Dr Friday. It can be a range of any issues. If she gets violent again, a trip to the E.R. by ambulance is a good idea. I wish you luck and hugs to you.

Caregiver99 you are right but "without mind" means your losing your mind your brain cells are dying you are going "mad" not the nicest word but lets be honest here. Ive seen my mums eyes dilate. Ive seen her madness? sorry if im not going to go around saying "mum is without mind". Madness is the only way i can describe what going on here sorry if you find that word offensive but LETS GET REAL EH?

Truffles mum is on same meds for past 20yrs so not her meds i think its her bloods she refuses to eat properly and she may be having more mini-strokes which is what happens in "vascular dementia" ive seen a bit of a pattern here she can be quite mad for a few days then ok again. Anyway shes getting worse so i think a CT scan may be needed to see if there is further brain damage but her next scan isnt until October.
Shes a very intelligent woman and i think she knows shes losing it and is hitting out at me as who else is here to pick on.

Shes gone to bed now so peace for me she was very quiet tonight but i kept out of her way best to let her be i think. My dad was a violent man and we had an awful childhood there is no way im going through this again with mum its taken me years and therapy to get over dads behaviour so im not going down this road again no way jose. If she gets worse then a court order will have to be made and yes ive heard of just calling an ambulance and she could be admitted into a NH directly.

Hugs guys this is a very scary disease and horrible to watch. Sad that mum used to joke years ago and say if i get ALS "shoot me". Not so funny now, i know she would never want to end up like this its so unfair but hopefully they will be a cure one day and our generation may not have to suffer this awful illness.

mmmmmm,
depakote sprinkles ...

Caregiver99 your profile says you are caring for your wife with mobility problems. Does she have alzheimers or advanced dementia? If not, I suggest you keep your advanced knowledge of latin to yourself as you have no idea what these care givers go through. I said in legal speak "govern yourself accordingly". How would I know that? I only worked in the legal profession for 40 years, go figure.

Normally I just ignore posters who put others down but enough is enough lately. So many come here in pain and frustration, just looking for some help, validation or some comfort. Either speak of your experiences and offer help on the subject at hand or be quiet.

I'm a very quiet easy going sort but when anyone tries to harm in any way a living creature who is down, be it human or animal, you'd better know how to run!!

@caregiver99 - the meaning of the word "dementia" is from late 18th century: from Latin, from demens, dement- ‘out of one's mind.’

kaz is not saying that is the medical diagnosis, she is referring to the origin of the word and she is correct.

No doubt people with dementia are not in their right minds and that it why this term has been adopted to describe the variety of diseases that are called dementias by the medical profession.

Kaz and most the rest of us are here for support as our loved one's illness progresses.

((((((kaz))))) I think it is wise to trust your instincts about safety Prayers for Friday and the drs appointment. ((((((hugs)))))

Thanks guys! i went into town today and when i came back the cooker was on high heat and shes in watching tv? lucky nothing on it but this is scary she cannot live alone anymore. I was afraid to tell her she left it on again as she denies it and gets aggressive i am not leaving the docs office without a solution? but you all know how this works its up to FAMILY to decide whats best and of course she will do wonders in the "memory tests"?

And Captain yes i was thinking "depakote sprinkles" on ice-cream with rasberry sauce may make me smile a bit? No fair we do all the hard work and they get all the Kool drugs somethings not right with this picture?

Get REAL? How REAL was I supposed to get when I got continual calls at my place of employment from my mom, screaming at me that I was breaking into her home and stealing from her? How REAL was I supposed to get when the police approached me on the street after mom threw me out of her house at dawn (after inviting me to stay overnight), telling me that mom had called them, telling them that I was travelling the streets with a handbag filled with unregistered firearms and illegal drugs? I have never fired a gun in my life let alone own one; I was 54 at the time and the drugs I had in my handbag were Bayer aspirin and prescription Zoloft for depression, prescribed by my physician.

Do you have any idea of what it is is like to be terrorized by a beloved family member daily? DO YOU? Do you know what it is like to try to live a normal life while your sibling and husband tell you that "oh, what's the big deal; she's not that bad," when they are not the target of her combative anger and physical strength?

Walk 2 blocks in my shoes and maybe you will feel differently about telling others to "Please get real". I WAS real. It was terrifying and I wished with all my heart that I was dead when it was occurring, as no one helped me.