Mum is getting more and more aggressive, Advice? - AgingCare.com

Mum is getting more and more aggressive, Advice?

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Mum seems to be getting more and more aggressive i just dont want to be around her now i think she is getting worse shes slamming doors and very agitated i cant say anything but she bites my head off?

We are seeing the geriatrician next friday but her moods are starting to scare me i just cant reason with her.

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Seroquel/Haldol did not take my MIL's mind away. It calmed her down and gave her some peace. She had been agitated to the point of crazy and her aggression took things to a new level. She was biting, kicking and spitting. Swearing at everybody and making up crazy stories. Sorry, but screaming and biting and hating is not the way to live. She was receiving the best and kindest care possible but nothing worked. Yes, oh yes, we tried about everything first.

If you haven't "been there" please do not think less of us who found help with meds.
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lots of great answers here, we've all been there!I would like to put my 2 cents in also. My Mom not only got agressive, she tried to jump out the window and took off up the hill on foot after recovering from a broken hip (also had/has dementia). She started hitting my caregiver as I was on my way home from work, and it took 2 neighbors to get her safely into their car and then I got help getting her into my house. All chains on tops of doors here but my caregiver thought going out would calm her, no way! She sat in a chair, calmed down, and started to cry and said "whats wrong with me?"
I called the neurologist and he put her on a medicine called depakote sprinkles. Its supposed to be for seizures, to calm the brain but also works for dementia agression. It worked like a charm. not only was she happier ON medicine, but so was I. At first she slept a lot, then she got adjusted to it and was fine. I kept trying to wean her off it after a year and the agression snuck back in. Now, 2 years later, she is off of it and fine, happy and alert, Good luck, just dont take it personally, you cannot rationalize with them in that state of mind and she does not mean it, she cannot help it. Lock the doors and like bookluver said, hide the knives, scissors, etc and watch her closely.
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Get REAL? How REAL was I supposed to get when I got continual calls at my place of employment from my mom, screaming at me that I was breaking into her home and stealing from her? How REAL was I supposed to get when the police approached me on the street after mom threw me out of her house at dawn (after inviting me to stay overnight), telling me that mom had called them, telling them that I was travelling the streets with a handbag filled with unregistered firearms and illegal drugs? I have never fired a gun in my life let alone own one; I was 54 at the time and the drugs I had in my handbag were Bayer aspirin and prescription Zoloft for depression, prescribed by my physician.

Do you have any idea of what it is is like to be terrorized by a beloved family member daily? DO YOU? Do you know what it is like to try to live a normal life while your sibling and husband tell you that "oh, what's the big deal; she's not that bad," when they are not the target of her combative anger and physical strength?

Walk 2 blocks in my shoes and maybe you will feel differently about telling others to "Please get real". I WAS real. It was terrifying and I wished with all my heart that I was dead when it was occurring, as no one helped me.
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Kazzaa, it sounds like your mom needs medication. Don't know if it's UTI or just her progressing in her dementia disease. My mom became aggressive similar to your mom. This lasted for months because my dad refused to give her prescription to calm her down - because it made her just sit and stare off into space. He preferred for her to be up and moving, even if it meant she was violent.

No, you cannot reason with her. Are you able to find out what exactly is irritating her to be so aggressive? With my mom, she hated being inside the house. She wanted OUT. (sundowning) She was more aggressive in the late afternoons - when she would literally attack us. At nights, she's at the door, banging it, wanting to get out.

In the meantime, because your mom is becoming aggressive, please make it a point to watch her carefully. Look into her eyes, her facial expressions, is her hands closed fisted? These were signs of my mom when she was about to attack us. Sometimes, her face is very neutral, but her hands were clenched as she slowly walked toward us. We Ran. Then she ran after us. Inside the home, we learned to listen for her before entering the room. We had to make sure that we had an exit away from her. Because when she attacks, we didn't want to be cornered and have no way out. Lock your bedroom door at nights. Between now and her doctor's visit, you just need to be pro-active. And hide anything that might hurt her. We had to hide all the knives (for our safety.)

Sorry that your mom is becoming aggressive and that you have to deal with it until her appointment. Any way of pushing it up? Call to see if there was any last minute cancellation? {{Hugs}}
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You may all think that I'm a fringe lunatic, but I took my mother for hypnotherapy because she would wake up in the night laughing like a lunatic and being very aggressive with me. Sometimes she would be screaming. When I would try to awaken her, she would be very angry and aggressive, which is not in her nature. The hypnotherapist did remote work for her and her demeanor no longer goes awry. She is her old loving self - still can't remember names, but that is not why I consulted the hypnotherapist. I'm taking her back to see if she can be helped in remembering. It's not paid for by most insurance and the cost is about the same as seeing a psychologist. Make sure that the hypnotheapist is certified. The one we saw was certified by the National Guild of Hypnotists.
You've got to figure that if a hypnotist can get people to bark like dogs or cluck like chickens on stage for entertainment, they can change a person's behavior. It might be worth a shot.
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If your mum's 'aggression' is limited to her slamming doors, then you have little to worry about.

Wait for the geriatricitian's diagnosis.

Making diagnoses from a short post that contains very little detail is foolhardy, and relying on such diagnoses to recommend a course of action is even worse.

UTIs can only be confirmed by urunalyais and culture and sensitivity testing.

People often slam doors when they are angry but it rarely signifies an infection. Your Mum obviously disagrees with your 'reasoning,' whatever you mean by that.

Guessing at cyber-distance is a dangerous game to play with the health of another. Clinical examination and a variety of tests are needed to arrive at a safe diagnosis and to decide on a course of treatment, should that be necessary.

Be kind and humour her until health service [professionals have had the chance to determine whether there is anything 'wrong' with your mother, or whether she is fed up with other people telling her what to do and how to do ,it.

Please be very, very cautious about medical or psychiatric advice given in this forum. Most contributors are not professionals and what might fit one case, such as the case or cases they know, probably will not fit every case.

People mean well, but medicine is such a big field that requires professionals to do it properly without endangering the cared for.

I wish you well.
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Caregiver99 you are right but "without mind" means your losing your mind your brain cells are dying you are going "mad" not the nicest word but lets be honest here. Ive seen my mums eyes dilate. Ive seen her madness? sorry if im not going to go around saying "mum is without mind". Madness is the only way i can describe what going on here sorry if you find that word offensive but LETS GET REAL EH?
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Look out for yourself. Don't take this lightly. If you're feeling afraid, then it's time to get help. Contact the geriatrician now. It will be easier to relay your observations candidly without mom present and s/he can know what to look for during the appointment. It would be best to WRITE your concerns so they become part of your mom's patient file (that way they must be dealt with). Drop off a letter before the appointment.
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Caregiver99 your profile says you are caring for your wife with mobility problems. Does she have alzheimers or advanced dementia? If not, I suggest you keep your advanced knowledge of latin to yourself as you have no idea what these care givers go through. I said in legal speak "govern yourself accordingly". How would I know that? I only worked in the legal profession for 40 years, go figure.

Normally I just ignore posters who put others down but enough is enough lately. So many come here in pain and frustration, just looking for some help, validation or some comfort. Either speak of your experiences and offer help on the subject at hand or be quiet.

I'm a very quiet easy going sort but when anyone tries to harm in any way a living creature who is down, be it human or animal, you'd better know how to run!!
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Caregiver99, no one here pretends to be "expert" unless they are certified as such by Agingcare.com. We are folks who have been in the trenches of caregiving mostly for parents with dementias of various sorts. We share our experiences, not expertise. But there is great wisdom in this crowd, and hearing a dozen folks who've walked in your shoes give you the same advice, whether it's that it's time for medication, for NH, for AL, to detach with love, is a powerful experience.
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