Moving my in-laws from Assisted Living to nursing home due to needing to go on Medicaid in the next few months. Any advice?

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Moving my in-laws from Assisted Living to nursing home due to needing to go on Medicaid in the next few months. Any advice?

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We have to move my in-laws next week from AL to NH therefore we have to take their dog away from them. She has vascular dementia and he has Alzheimer's but they are both still aware of having a real dog verses a fake one. He is insistent on going home (childhood) but she is aware that they have no home due to hurricane. My question is how would you break the news to them and how soon would you tell them? I feel horrible about the situation but no other alternatives. Thanks

Assisted Living Moving Pets

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Keep their dog and take to visit as often as possible.

They know they have a dog because it provides comfort to them.

My dad had a 6# chihuahua and I am not a pocket pooch person, but I took care of her and hauled her back and forth until he was placed in a facility that allowed him to have her. Rehab even allowed her to stay for hours, he just had to keep the door closed.

He cried more when she passed then for any person he has lost.

They provide a love that should not be treated lightly.

Ask the facility what they allow, you might be surprised. Maybe a couple hours a day or over night, never know.

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Yours is the only acceptable comment here imo. It should not be taken lightly. And there might be depending on funding laws requiring the pup to stay with them (if they can make arrangements or care of pup themselves). Many places getting funds are required to do that, but will never say so publicly in an attempt to not have pets there. At least when it comes to housing.

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I realize you are doing the best you can, but if this were my beloved pup you were taking away from me you would be killing me. It would be like taking a diabetics insulin away. This is heartbreaking. I would be looking at all and any alternatives and, if there truly are no other, then I would be adopting that pup into my own household and making sure that there were very frequent visits. The problem really lies in society not recognizing the significance of the human/animal bond though science backs up the health (emotional and physical) benefits. Not to even mention the upset of the pup being separated. Assisted livings have plenty of rules, one of them should be that pets are allowed and that they have a staff person assigned to look after and assist with them.

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They had the dog in AL. They cannot have the dog in a nursing home, which is a medical facility.

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Although my husb. and I are still in our own home, he is in early dementia. I've thought about how we would fare without our standard poodle, who weighs too much to be accepted in many places. Personally, I want my own children to just lie to me, and tell me they have the dog, she is fine, and as soon as things "come together" they will bring her to visit. In no way, do I want to be told, my beloved companion has gone out of the family. I've always said, if I die before the dog, she would be huge consolation to my husband. But if she dies first, I won't be able to console him at all. He will be inconsolable.
In other words, while I can't imagine living without her, at my age, 78, I would rather be lied to than have to bear the idea she is gone from me to a place I don't know. Best of luck to you. It broke my heart to read of your dilemma. I can't imagine what it must be like for you and your parents. Love to you all, including the pet.

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PLEASE note MANY Nursing homes It not only allow but encourage dogs. We dog lovers love our dogs as much as our own children. How would you feel if someone took your child away AND put you in a home? I told my dad who is 96 that I would go down on the Titanic with my dogs rather than go on a lifeboat alone. If you don't take and love this dog and surrendered the dog to a shelter, Know that surrendered older dogs are the 1st to be put down. You will devastate the dog as well. There are Breed specific rescue networks but they are overwhelmed right now. Our neighbor was hospitalized and his sister put down his beloved dog, And the man Chris quickly died of a broken heart. Broken heart syndrome is a legitimate phenomenon, Which is why older people sometimes die close to one another. Sorry to be so a motional but I have already arranged for godparents for my dogs in the event something happens to me. I am 67 and live with my 96 yr old dad, who adores my 2 Maltese & they him. "Quality Life" 🥰

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I read your reply with tears in my eyes. I have my 88 year old Mom living with me and she too has vascular dementia. She has never been around pets much because Daddy would never allow a house pet. Since coming to live with me she is warming up to mine great. She even sleeps with my yorkie. In 4 short months she has seen the love and loyalty a dog can show you when you return it back to them. She now knows what I mean when I say my dogs are my family. I have a yorkie, a yorkie mix, I rescued both of them, and two maltese. Last Saturday night I had to have my precious little maltese Daisy put to sleep. I fed all the dogs grain free dog food for several months and it got to both of my maltese. Daisy was the youngest and it affected her differently. I really thought Kobie would go first because he had more outward signs of failure, but my little Daisy threw us all in a tailspin last Saturday. In one week I spent almost $2000 on two different animal hospitals trying to save her but there was just too much damage. I don't know how long I will have Kobie, but I am going to cherish every second I have with him. My heart is crushed, and yes it is like losing a child. The unconditional love you find in very few humans, sad to say. I would move heaven and earth to keep this precious dog with it's human parents. It is a shock they may never recover from, and if you don't do all you can do, you might have more guilt than you can imagine. I didn't mean to sound like I was writing this to you, in reality I was addressing JKrystal5

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Will their dog be able to visit on amore or less regular basis when they’re in their new home?

Would they prefer to focus that by moving, they’re improving the life of their doggy?

If in fact you have “no other alternatives” then please allow yourself to be at more of a sense of peace. Any feeling human being who is forced to become part of this tragic process MUST become resigned to feeling the weight of “no-winners” decision making. I find with my somewhat similarly abled LO that less information, quietly, calmly, and matter of factly given is inevitably what works best.

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I see many good suggestions here. I agree to leave it to the last minute and the less said the better, doggie visits, etc. They will have each other. Best of all, they have you to care about them! There are many elderly people who have no one!

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This is really for Judsai422, I have visited nursing homes that have cats and birds. The big thing is who will take care of the dog while there.

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My sister (79) was in Assisted Living with her 7# dog of many years (her "child").
As her dementia increased, so did her "meanness" behavior towards "Gizmo." Several different staff mentioned it to me and then I witnessed it myself. I found a loving family with 4 kids (10-16) that loved her from first meeting. Gizmo was so excited with all the attention. I told my sister I was taking Gizmo for grooming and poor thing had heart attack and died. We both had a good cry(different reasons)...but she forgot this sadness quickly. I made sure she had a great photo of Gizmo to "talk to." Dementia is a cruel disease.

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Jkrystal5,
The dog my Mom/stepfather have was also a very big concern for me. The dog is a Pitbull/terrier mix AND a rescue. The dog is everything to them. She knows something is wrong with both, but especially Mom. She won't let anyone, NOT aggressively, near Mom until she gives permission. She stays next to Mom all the time.
The #1 thing I asked was if the AL allowed dogs as their dog has become more of a service dog over the years.
The AL I was able to place them did accept the dog! They have 1 suite which is more like a very exclusive hotel room, I bought a doggie door for the patio door, they took out the swimming pool to make a gorgeous oasis area so I bought/paid for a portion of the wrought iron fencing/installment so the dog can go in/out and not bother the other residents.
Yes, I pay $500 more a month because their laundry/playtime/cleaning up after the dog/extra cleaning due to shedding is worth the $500.
I know since I live out of State, that Mom/stepfather are happy knowing the dog is there. Mom/stepfather only recognize each other and their dog. I also pay for the Vet bill. Mom/stepfather happiness is more valuable than the money, I just need to fight step-siblings to pay 50% of the bills for these extras per State community laws

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Step siblings can't divide the 500.00 in between all of you? would end up being a nominal charge for a well worth it cause for their parents. Isn't their parents happiness mean anything?

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So many difficult situations in the elder care realm.

I would wait as long as possible. No sense in giving them time to fret about it and probably drive you crazy with questions and complaints.

Probably have to come up with a theraputic lie or two to make the explanation for the big change short and sweet. And easy to repeat as many times as possible.

I know you must fell terrible. But you have to do what you have to do so find a way to make peace with it and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can and that your inlaws WILL be OK.

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Thank you all for your responses. Here's a few more details that should clear up a few questions many of you have asked. My in-laws lost their home to hurricane Harvey and all their belongings and now their $ are about to run out so they must go to NH which none let them have pets. My hubby and I travel for work with our two dogs so we cannot keep theirs as most RV parks do not allow more than two pets and we are unable to take theirs to see them because again we travel all over the USA for work. We tried to find other family that lives close to take him but they have their own reasons why they can't.
Thanks for all the helpful nonjudgmental comments. This is so hard to do as many of us struggle to make the right and sometimes only decision we can for our loved ones. My hubby told them today he said they were not happy but no too upset but tomorrow may be a different story. Prayers and hugs to you all as you continue your path with your LO's.

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Thank you, Jkrystal5, for the update. Maybe the hard part is behind you: Just breaking it to them the dog won't be joining them. Not that they won't grieve for it. But I meant YOUR hard part. Now that they know, you can deal with their response. And not dread any longer having to inform them.
Stay in touch with all of us. Good luck to you and to your parents. Very nice of your husband to relieve you of that unhappy task. Special hug to him.
Take care, safe travels, and know you are being thought of.

Moving my in-laws from Assisted Living to nursing home due to needing to go on Medicaid in the next few months. Any advice?

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