Input for moving in with elder loved one in his home? - AgingCare.com

Input for moving in with elder loved one in his home?

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Hello, All:
I am a Daughter in law that is concerned about being a Long Term Caregiver. My Father in law is 94 and he recently fell on his Kitchen Floor and was Hospitalized for 2 weeks. he had no broken bones . Just Skin Tears on both his Arms and one are had 8 stitches. He finally came home Wed, Aug, 14th and is at home now with his Daughter that is taking care of him Short term. She is only here for 2 more days. She could only stay a week.

Our problem is after she leaves we are going to be the Main Prime Caregivers and I had not had any training for this. I know how to take care of him and all but Long term is a problem because My Husband works nights , 2pm to 10:30pm. I have a job partime. My son too. We need care in between time. My Husband was thinking of taking a "Leave of Abscense" but he has only accumulated 6 months at his job. So that makes My son and I the primary care givers. Even though my Father in law is getting stronger we don't want him to fall again. If anyone out there has any suggestions will be much appreciated.

He did not get to go to a Rehab center because the didn't have beds open so we are doing this ourselves. Thank you for listening.

Valerie W, Jackson,Miss.

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As far as his meds and vitamins, get liquid vitamins and add them to his food. Find out from the doctor, if you can grind up the meds and put them also in his food, separate from the vitamins. Sleep his life away? He's 94. My mother was 88, and I let her sleep whenever she wanted to. If he's sleeping, he's not a bother to you or anyone else. Let him sleep.
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I did move in with my dad. My husband and I pulled a travel trailer next to his house. This helped a lot. But not having my own home is tearing me apart. I'm tired of cleaning bathroom 1-2 times and more, daily. I'm tired of trying to get him to take his meds and vitamins, which he does not. I'm tired of fixing a meal and he won't eat. I'm tired of watching him sleep his life away. I've only been doing this a year, and it has destroyed me mentally and physically. I continually have head aches and no energy. I love my dad so much, and I think these feelings of wanting out are killing me as well. I would not recommend moving in. You seem to lose your identity.

I was not cut out for caregiving. I can take care of my dad, but long term is not what I am cut out to do. My husband is so worried for me. He has made an appointment with a dr. For me. I'm on antidepressant but I may need to change medication. I have migraines a lot lately. And I don't feel like doing anything. I'm completely worn and burned out.

I read what others are going through, and I have not a clue how you do it. So much worse than my situation.

Another issue, my husband resigned our church as education minister, thinking we would find a church soon after. Not realizing that most churches put an age limit on what resumes they look at. My husband just turned 60 and is jumping at the bits to get into a church ministry, it has been a year without a salary. He has been doing ministry in the community, which keeps him busy, but doesn't help pay bills. We have learned to totally rely on God. I believe that is the only way to get through any tough situation in life... Although it is still hard.
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Something to put things in perspective. Since your husband works 2 to 10 pm, and your FIL is 94, he'll be sleeping much of the time anyway.
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The first 2 years of being my mother's caregiver wasn't easy. We had to get her off the medications her last doctor had her on....they made her condition much worse. My mother lost her ability to walk, so that also made a difference. Each circumstance is different. I also did not have any family support, all of them lived to far away. That could be a blessing at times.
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God bless you John, you must be an awfully sweet, patient man. I sure love my mom, but in truth, so far, this has been the worst couple years of my life in so many ways thus far. I am working on it believe me.
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My mother had dementia, she moved in with me. I was her caregiver for 7 years, she passed away Aug 1st. I would give almost anything to have her back. The last 7 years, of caring for her, were the best 7 years of my life. It was very rewarding.
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If he is a veteran, check the va caregiving hotline for what aid is available for him. You can't stop the falls but rehab to build stronger muscles will make the falls less severe. i had no training when I started taking care of my 91 year old Dad with Parkinson's. You learn the best ways. Your FIL sounds like he is fully compentent, save yourself arguements and do as he wants. Listen and do exactly what he asks. It's a tough job, but you can handle it. You will learn and grow into the job. Set limits and get outside help. If you must place him in assisted living don't beat yourself up. Good luck
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I am going to stand by my original idea he has only been on the job for 6 months until I hear from Valyn10256.
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ferris - I believe Val said her husband has ACCUMULATED 6 months of time to use for a leave of absence, not that he worked at his job 6 months.

Val - if your husband has this capacity to take time off, how about planning for him to take a "little" time off, get pop back at home, have your husband's strength to be able to handle his dad, and evaluate pop's needs as you see him trying to function within his own home. You will SOON know whether you can provide the home care he needs, either physically or financially, OR whether he will need to be placed. With your husbands option of a leave of absence, it gives you a little breathing room that some people don't have when they have to make a more instantaneous decision. I would take a deep breath and use that to your advantage. That little bit of extra time and evaluation will be of great benefit to pop and to you and your family in the long run.
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First of all, your husband will probably not be granted a leave of absence having only been on a job for 6 months. Secondly, without some professional help, you are jeopardizing his health because you will not know what to do in the event he falls again, or he goes into cardiac arrest. At 94 yrs., I am assuming he has some sort of dementia, although you do not state he has. So, as a nurse, I need more information. What about his insurance? What about your son and how old is he? At 94, I am assuming his son (your husband) is in his 60s to 70s and so are you. Are there any other family members who are available? Please provide more details...
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