Moved mom into new AL, hot/cold faucets in shower are backwards. They made a sign to remind her. Am I overreacting?

Nice work Bella. I am happy it is resolved.

As far as what occurred with switching how in God’s name could any long term care provider even THINK this would work ???especially when there are elderly folks. It’s so ridiculous of them. Unacceptable! No common sense at all from the AL’s administration.

MAKE NOISE‼️ FOR GODS SAKE YOU’RE PAYING $4,500 A MONTH??!
I’d be SCREAMING MY HEAD OFF!!
You’re Mom would like nothing more than to not bathe! It comes with the disease and it will get harder!!
Sorry but this irked me...you are NOT overreacting!!!

This must be corrected now! I don't know how one would get clean in the sink - the feet for one thing? How are they going to get clean? My mother somehow did this at my residence for our daughter's wedding as she was afraid of "bothering anyone" to get into the shower, of which there are two.

They have taken too long. Insist that it be corrected Now.

They should have moved her without you having to ask. With even moderate dementia, there is the possibility that she is going to turn the wrong know just out of habit. Tell them to move her now to another room with properly working faucets. It shouldn't take 2 weeks to get a plumber either - if you call you get one same or next day...they can too. They are just hoping the sign would put every one at ease and never have to incur the expense of fixing it. She needs to be moved.

And, if you see someone else put in that room, ask family if they fixed the shower yet.

TELL MAINTENANCE---IT IS THEIR JOB TO CORRECT THIS!

I just answered below. But I forgot something. Tell them and back it up in writing that if this is not corrected immediately, YOU will bring in a plumber or whoever can fix things and YOU WILL DEDUCT IT FROM THE RENT. I have done that myself and it works every time. Make them scared of a lawsuit.

This must be resolved now - either fix things or get a new room. Seeing a note just won't cut it - maybe for a while - until something happens. Enlist the help of outside professionals, local Ombudsman, Office on Aging, others who have the power to do something. And get an attorney to write a letter either fix it now or move her. And have you arranged that she must hav help when taking showers. She must not be able to do this on her own. Also go to the State's Department on Human Services - they will step in and make something happen before it is too late. Don't wait.

BUY HER SOME WATER SOCKS - they will fit her feet in the shower room & lessen chance of fall as they will be basically a wearable bathmat - I use them all the time as they stay cleaner than those mats anyway

Inform the place that until the taps are fixed then your mom needs to have supervised shower with no additional expenses as putting up a sign for someone with dementia is plain stupid - she won't be wearing her glasses & when she reaches out she will automatically go to the familiar way - they put that sign up to cover their butts in case she scalds herself so inform them that the sign doesn't meet the smell test

My husband redid some plumbing and the facets are now backwards from what you would think. When I take a shower it is on reflex not thinking and I have scalded myself more than once.

Ask plumber to switch the handles. Pay for it if it makes you feel better. Mom will bathe as she prefers until she gets to the stage where others need to do it for her.

Just switch the handles so that the cold handle is on the cold side and the hot handle is on the hot side.

Bella, did the plumber show up yesterday?

You are doing an awesome job as your mom's advocate. I don't like to have to go to the hard nose stance as my dad's advocate, but I find that it is usually what gets things done now a days. Unfortunate that people only respond when pressured. Good job lady!

Depending on her age, a lot of seniors were raised in the depression and had no indoor plumbing - including my DH. Cleaning yourself at a basin was normal and "bathing" was done maybe once a week and it was a chore bringing water up from the creek to boil for bathing, not everyone had the convenience of a well. Rural communities didn't get electricity until after WWII. If you didn't live in town, you learned to do without.

However, it's inexcusable for AL to have the plumbing backwards. If they have been able to take Mom into another room for showering, why can't they let Mom have the other room??

My mother also hated showers and would bathe in the sink. She looked clean and never smelled. However, she had to be hospitalized for a broken hip and when they finally got her up and began bathing her, we realized the fallacy of her not bathing in a tub or shower. While bathing in the sink, she did not wash her back, and months later, the first time the nurses did it, her skin started sloughing off in flakes and covered just about everything in the room with a layer of white flakes. It was everywhere, including the window sills. They had to call in housekeeping to clean it up.

This is DANGEROUS.
Call the City, County Building department or Code Enforcement.
If that gets you nothing contact the State Ombudsman they will take the complaint.
I am wondering if all the faucets in the facility are like this or just this one.
Most connections are under the sink and it is an easy fix to change the hot and cold line just by detaching and then crossing the lines to the other connection.
If this is the case I would be tempted to do it myself or hire a plumber.
It might be that after you make the complaints, after you inform (in writing) the AL that you will hire someone to do this and the cost will be reduced from what she pays monthly they might just get around to doing it.

You are NOT overreacting. If you need to go higher in the "chain of command" at this facility. A senior with dementia -WILL NOT REMEMBER that the faucets are backwards, and probably not remember to read any signs. This entire situation is NOT ACCEPTABLE. Call and check every day if you must. Do not let this ride. She is not getting what she is paying for and only has you (all her children) to stand up for her.

Make a call to the city / town building inspector and ask if this is allowed under the ordinance. It may well be that the AL has to fix the problem because it is not in compliance.

I deleted some after your update.

I wouldnt worry about scaldings. The water should be less than 120 degrees. You can always check it. It takes awhile in that temp for a burn. ( I looked it up for snfs).They know the elderly/dementia pts have paper think skin are using bathrooms & showers. A nice shower can be about 98-05 degrees. I have a shower that tells the temp.
There is nothing wrong with a few bathroom sink mini washings. Staff can help her with a chair at the sink. This is done in hospital and every day in rehab! Many people sit to brush teeth, wash face, arms, naughty bits etc. We even washed people with the warmed wet wipes. They didnt bother with the whole shower routine, unless pt requests it. A chair is easier for people recouping. Less worry about falls. We did Full mini wipe downs at bedside. Usually seated in a chair. People recouping from surgeries etc felt wonderful doing that. esp after anesthesia. This is normal at the hospital.
Elderly dont need to bathe as often. Their skin is very delicate , they dont produce the oils they once did, and they arent running around sweating. 2x a week is what most nursing homes do. The elderly do have a right to refuse. But then if they refuse too often they are getting one.
I have taken several full on wet wipe mini downs myself in bathroom toilets, when travelling. It feels very refreshing like you took a mini shower. Esp in Louisiana bayou heat. I digress.

Perhaps you can instruct the staff to help her with that. The resident stands to wipe their own bottom and then sits after on a towel and is given another towel to dry. They enjoy it, and after awhile the eve routine at the sink usually gets longer and longer. Im not kidding. They know they arent going to fall, and feel more comfortable to take their time.
I know a lot of the elderly stop showering bc they feel they dont need it, and are probably afraid of falls unless there are grab bars right there.
Nothing wrong with a wet wipe mini shower. Maybe you can show your mom how. Like I said, its done in hospitals and rehabs every day.
Good luck. Either way she will get clean:) glad you got problem fixed.

Talk to the Social Worker that Works there, She will Care.
may help to Involve Someone who Does this Sort of Work. For this Kind of Immense Money, Honey, She should be Bathing in Diamonds, love.

Thank you all for the advice!
I called again today, politely but firmly expressed my concerns. They said a plumber would be there next week but after hearing me out, they returned my call and said the plumber will be there tomorrow!
You all gave me the confidence that I needed today...it’s been a rough month.

No, you are NOT overreacting.

Dh 'finished' our 2nd bath he did the same thing. It drove insane. He also put the shower head at about a 7 foot level, so there is nowhere in there to "get out of the way' to soap up and wash. He was so defensive--and the kids wouldn't use it.

We had more than one houseguest get a scalding blast before they figured it out (altho I always told them!)

I also had a real plumber here for a small issue and he fixed the plumbing in about 1/2 hour. Said it was actually a code issue.

Your mother could easily be burned by this and a negligence lawsuit to follow!
I would insist on moving her or making this be a TOP priority ASAP.

This room should not even be in USE!!! They are taking advantage of your good nature.

No you are not overreacting, your concerns about her adapting to sink bathing and away from showers even after the shower is fixed are absolutely valid as is the very big problem with leaving her a sign and trying to get her to use the backwards shower! She's going to be scalding herself now and after it's fixed and end up afraid to use the shower at all ever again! You have been more patient in fact than apparently you need to be since they haven't fixed it and even thought to try the note! I would tell them if they don't have a plumber in there fixing it in the next day or two you will call one yourself and deduct the bill from her monthly fee. If they push back remind them that you aren't threatening to report them to official oversight (something you could do) in an effort to be generous you have given them more than enough time to get this taken care of but they haven't so you are ready to take on the chore (something you pay them for) and get it done without going through official channels but if that's what they prefer... I'm with you about the hassles and other problems with moving her to a different room/apartment and frankly if that's the option I would look for another residence first, this is not a great sign about how attentive this place is to the needs of it's residents.

I can't even begin to say what I might have said to them by now.....oh my. Their unfortunate plumbing situation is unacceptable on several levels. The trouble to fix the error, the costs, etc. is THEIR issue and you and your mother should never had been troubled with it. It should have promptly been corrected with sincere apologies. Oh, I don't think it's legal either. Not for a facility of that sort.

In my opinion, having the faucets reversed is very confusing to anyone, with or without dementia. If this building is brand new, someone missed doing a walk-thru to find anything that needed to be fixed.

I realize some faucets are easy to fix, especially if the faucet is just one handle, then the plumbing only needs to adjust the screw. If there are separate piping then I can see this would be an issue. If this is an older building, you'd think by now it would have been corrected.

My bathroom at home had the same problem with the hot/cold and I just put up with it for years. I mentioned it to a plumber who was at the house for another issue, he fixed the hot/cold in 10 seconds :P

No you’re not overreacting. It’s quite a coincidence, but when Mom moved to her Independent Living apt, the hot and cold was backward as well! When I complained the staff was befuddled because the previous resident hadn’t complained about it, and they almost didn’t believe us. But they inspected, and got it fixed in about 1 day. No way would I have let it go much longer as it’s a huge potential for scalding. So yes, keep calling.

Wait .... they have empty rooms that have the shower set up properly and they STILL have your mom in one that doesn't?! No, you are not overreacting. If you haven't already called demanding this be corrected, do it today, please.

Holy Cow! AL gave you a crappy excuse. You pay them tons of money to care for your mom and they could not put the faucets in correctly? Ask the director if he/she lives like that at home.

No, I don’t think you’re over-reacting. I do think, however, that Mom needs to be moved to a room where everything is in the right order. Respectfully but firmly put your foot down and tell them you’ll be there (pick a time and a date that works for you) to help them move her.