I made the decision to move my husband to a nursing home, what now?

Bonnie, you ARE doing the right thing. "For right now, honey, the doctors say you need to be here. When you get stronger, we can talk about it again with the doctors.".

It's heartbreaking for you, i know. Hopefully, they will find the right combination of meds to ease his agitation and combativeness.

It sounds like him being in the nursing home is a good place. With his dementia, he could really hurt you and not mean to. If he were thinking clearly, I don't think he would want to do that. I'd just tell him that the doctors want him there for treatment and try not to take the ugly talk to heart, since it's not really him talking. When you place a loved one in a safe place where they can get treatment, you are doing a wonderful thing.

You have to keep yourself safe and it doesn't sound like that was happening when he was home. I'd discuss options for his long term care. I might discuss medications with his doctor as they may help with is anxiety and distress.

It must be a very difficult thing to go through. Do you have family or friends that you can talk to and get support? You can always come to this site. There are many other good people, who have been through similar experiences. Good luck.

Donna, I am so sorry about your hubby. My husband and I just celebrated our 38th anniversary, and he also is a truck driver. Although he is NOT long haul ( he's LTL) I can not imagine seeing the man I've been with since I was 15years old, get so sick so fast, that alone is daunting. I have to ask myself if the roles were reversed what would I tell him to do with me? I would tell him that he needed help and that if in his judgment thought there was no other option but to put me in a nursing home, then I would trust him. So, give yourself permission to do this thing with a clean conscious. After all these years traveling together, raising kids together, loving each other your husband has got to have 'hands on' experience of knowing that you can be trusted. Doesn't mean he has to like it though, but not all decisions are going to be fun. So take a deep breath and tell yourself you're doing the right thing, and that you would trust him if the roles were reversed and NOT make him feel guilty either. You're supposed to have each others back right? Then this can be his way of having yours too.

If it's the right decision, keep reminding yourself that you are doing the right thing, Donna. Guilt comes from a place where we think or doubt whatever we may be doing, or have done. Others have shared great ideas with you that will help you and your hubby ease into the change, rather than take a head-on plunge. However you choose to go about it, have confidence that you are on the right path. It has to be the right path if you can no longer manage to keep up with your husband's care. What you're saying is you need help. That is always the right thing to do when we get to that point. It still will be emotionally draining for both of you. There's no getting around the difficult emotions for some of us when that day comes. All the more reason that you need to ditch the guilt. Your decision is a normal life transition. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable with your husband by letting him know that you love him and want the best care for him. It's going to be hard, but it may help to keep it real.

Thank you all,

My husband was sent to a Nursing Home after a two week stay in ICU in the hospital for kidneys failing and high potassium levels. He needed physical therapy and his angry behavior modified with drugs. He has been there for about three weeks and was doing well until he fell and hurt his knee. Then he got extremely combative and unable to reason with when he knew he would have to stay longer due to the fall. It has been downhill ever since. I don't think I can bring him home with this combative behavior, but I feel guilty putting him in a Nursing Home on lock down. He got on the phone (with the Nurse's help) tonight and swore at me and told me he wanted a divorce, and demanded I come to get him out of there. He is nasty to everyone when he gets like this. He has been physically violent with me and left bruises on my body. I have prayed for the right answers, but I am at a loss for the right answer. If anyone can give me help, I would appreciate it. We were married 52 years this year, and I am losing my life-long partner and love of my life. Bonnie O.

Sorry to hear about your situation Donna. You say the Doc says your hubby needs full time care. Does he need full time nursing care? There are many other options if he does not require skilled medical care. This is a big decision so please check out all of your options before you make one. Getting someone into your home 8-10 hours per day to help care for your husband could be a big help to you and also don't overlook assisted living/adult family home options. Good luck to you.

Donna, please contact Home Health Care. they will come out to your house and it is all covered by Medicare. 100%
They order physical therapy to come out, for blood test the lab comes out, occupational therapy to help with how he gets around in the home, the nurses are great! Your doctor can order one to come out. They will send the reports back to the doctor. Also, If you have lost allmanyMedicaid will cover the nursing home rent and care. He has to be qualified, so contact these agencies, there is lots of help out there. Medicaid will not take away needed assets from the spouse.

Thanks, he has home health, PT, Nurse, Speech, and Psyc nurse. He is as they put it very non-compliant. I have sent all the forms into the social services office for medicade and anything else we are eligible for, but that is a very slow process, I sent them in 10 days ago and still nothing.
I keep searching for help and contacting agencies, it is a very slow process

Donna-it sounds like you'd qualify for Medicaid.....we did-otherwise we could never afford a nursing home.There IS help for you-you just need some support&advice...I send hopeful wishes for you &your husband.