I made the decision to move my husband to a nursing home, what now?

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The doctor has made the recommendation to hubby that he needs full time care, hubby was and is very resistant. I am to the point I can not handle him, I can not keep up with his care. Have located a very nice facility 2 blocks from the apartment with a certified Alz. unit. The kids agree it is for the best for everyone, problem is how to tell hubby and get him moved. And how do you get past the guilt....

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It sounds like him being in the nursing home is a good place. With his dementia, he could really hurt you and not mean to. If he were thinking clearly, I don't think he would want to do that. I'd just tell him that the doctors want him there for treatment and try not to take the ugly talk to heart, since it's not really him talking. When you place a loved one in a safe place where they can get treatment, you are doing a wonderful thing.

You have to keep yourself safe and it doesn't sound like that was happening when he was home. I'd discuss options for his long term care. I might discuss medications with his doctor as they may help with is anxiety and distress.

It must be a very difficult thing to go through. Do you have family or friends that you can talk to and get support? You can always come to this site. There are many other good people, who have been through similar experiences. Good luck.
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Bonnie, you ARE doing the right thing. "For right now, honey, the doctors say you need to be here. When you get stronger, we can talk about it again with the doctors.".

It's heartbreaking for you, i know. Hopefully, they will find the right combination of meds to ease his agitation and combativeness.
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My husband was sent to a Nursing Home after a two week stay in ICU in the hospital for kidneys failing and high potassium levels. He needed physical therapy and his angry behavior modified with drugs. He has been there for about three weeks and was doing well until he fell and hurt his knee. Then he got extremely combative and unable to reason with when he knew he would have to stay longer due to the fall. It has been downhill ever since. I don't think I can bring him home with this combative behavior, but I feel guilty putting him in a Nursing Home on lock down. He got on the phone (with the Nurse's help) tonight and swore at me and told me he wanted a divorce, and demanded I come to get him out of there. He is nasty to everyone when he gets like this. He has been physically violent with me and left bruises on my body. I have prayed for the right answers, but I am at a loss for the right answer. If anyone can give me help, I would appreciate it. We were married 52 years this year, and I am losing my life-long partner and love of my life. Bonnie O.
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thank you Mary
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Hi Donna,
It's such a difficult thing to do and my heart goes out to you and your hubby both. Find out where your nearest Alzheimer;s Association is. They have wonderful resources and support groups for the patient and/or the family. You can read their info, go to support meetings, or just talk to them on the phone. Our experience with them when my mother in law was going through this and living with us was great. We eventually set her up in an assisted living facility, then their Alzheimer facility, locked wing because she was a wanderer, and eventually into a full care nursing home. It was hard to "make" her take each step, but was the b best thing for ALL of us! She made many new friends, even if she didn't all ways remember them..., and had activities and care we could no longer provide at the level she needed and deserved.

Change is all ways difficult. Life is full of them. We can only ask of ours self's and others that we do the best we can. When loved ones need more then we can provide, it's time to ask for and accept help. In this case, a nursing home for your husband sounds like the most loving decision you can make for him and yourself.

When God closes a door, he opens a window. I hope this window gives you and your husband a better live. Less worry, more care, more energy to give him when you are together, a safer environment, the list of positives to moving him goes on and on.

Prayers for you both,
Mary
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thank you rettajane
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Donna-it sounds like you'd qualify for Medicaid.....we did-otherwise we could never afford a nursing home.There IS help for you-you just need some support&advice...I send hopeful wishes for you &your husband.
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Thanks, he has home health, PT, Nurse, Speech, and Psyc nurse. He is as they put it very non-compliant. I have sent all the forms into the social services office for medicade and anything else we are eligible for, but that is a very slow process, I sent them in 10 days ago and still nothing.
I keep searching for help and contacting agencies, it is a very slow process
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Donna, please contact Home Health Care. they will come out to your house and it is all covered by Medicare. 100%
They order physical therapy to come out, for blood test the lab comes out, occupational therapy to help with how he gets around in the home, the nurses are great! Your doctor can order one to come out. They will send the reports back to the doctor. Also, If you have lost allmanyMedicaid will cover the nursing home rent and care. He has to be qualified, so contact these agencies, there is lots of help out there. Medicaid will not take away needed assets from the spouse.
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Sorry to hear about your situation Donna. You say the Doc says your hubby needs full time care. Does he need full time nursing care? There are many other options if he does not require skilled medical care. This is a big decision so please check out all of your options before you make one. Getting someone into your home 8-10 hours per day to help care for your husband could be a big help to you and also don't overlook assisted living/adult family home options. Good luck to you.
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