Follow
Share

I’m my mom’s DPOA, she lives in a senior living apartment with 24 hour care available at an extra fee. Her social security isn’t enough for her monthly rent so I pay the other $600 a month. Also, before she started on the Medicaid Waiver program I was paying $1600 month for the caregivers which put me behind in paying her rent and now I’m paying extra each month to avoid her being evicted. She doesn’t qualify for full Medicaid and missed qualifying for the reduced rent program by less than $100. My brother won’t help in any way. She’s been on palliative Hospice but her condition has greatly worsened over the last couple months where she needs help eating and the caregiving company at the facility wants an additional $570 a month for feeding because she’s maxed on the number of units through the waiver. I keep hearing that I shouldn’t be paying all of this extra money plus I’m unable to meet my own bills. I held off moving her because she wasn’t expected to live through Dec. and the move wasn’t recommended. But now I’m thinking moving is my only option. Am I responsible to pay the past due rent? And would I be responsible to pay the extra feeding bill? I will do anything for her and I’m so blessed to be with her in her last days but I struggle with the guilt I feel when I spend my own money on myself. Can anyone relate?

Find Care & Housing
You shouldn't be draining your own resources for this unless you can comfortably afford to do so. Mom should be in a SNF on LTC Medicaid.
Helpful Answer (19)
Reply to mstrbill
Report
AlvaDeer Feb 17, 2020
I so agree. Do not drain resources you will need for yourself. It is very unwise.
(5)
Report
Its time to get her in a good LTC on Mediccaid. It will be hard but you will have no out of pocket and can get the former bill paid. Since u have been paying, I think u have obligated yourself.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

Please don't use your money for your mother. The taxes you pay the government are used to take care of seniors who can't pay. You are paying twice, once out of your pocket and again with taxes you and your mother paid. Find an elder attorney to help you through government red tape.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to careinhome
Report

It sounds like she needs skilled nursing around the clock and has progressed beyond assisted living. Somebody is going to have to care for her 24/7 so it will either be you or a nursing home.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to cetude
Report

Seems mom needs to bein a skilled care facility... and that it should be paid through her finances. I suggest you spend a little money to talk to an elder care lawyer and follow his/her advice.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Taarna
Report

It is probably time to move to a regular nursing home that won't have fees for each step of her care. All her care provided with the bed she takes.
Although she may not qualify for programs while she is in her current residence, you can apply for nursing home medicaid to get her moved. Her social security and other income would be used to pay for her bed. Medicaid basically pays the difference. If she has too much income, she would just be a self pay to stay in the nursing home.
Go to her doctor to see if he considers her medical conditions qualifiers for nursing home and get the process started. Locate a nursing home you are interested in and talk to the social worker there. She can help you with the application process and gather info you will need. Or you can go directly to the Medicaid (for elderly/disabled) to apply. They know the rules and all the ins/outs about the programs that cover nursing home.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to my2cents
Report
rovana Feb 18, 2020
Good advice, but sometimes a person makes too much to qualify for Medicaid, but not enough to self pay.  Falls between the cracks.  How about a Miller Trust?
(1)
Report
See 2 more replies
Was she married? Was her husband in the military? If yes, then she could apply for aides & attendance benefits to help with the cost.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Getkicksonrte66
Report
Tam4now Feb 17, 2020
She’s a widow but my dad wasn’t in the military. Thank you.
(0)
Report
I think that it is time to m9ve her to a skilled nursing facility that accepts Medicaid so that she can get the care she now requires. Have you spoken with the area agency on aging ombudsmen regarding the financial issues? The department of public welfare who administers Medicaid may be helpful as well. If the senior community has a social worker they may also be a good resource. As far as I understand, you are not responsible for her bills.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Peanuts56
Report

Why do you want her fed if she is on Hospice? This addition of care will not extend her life with any significance. You are just prolonging suffering
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to MACinCT
Report
cetude Feb 18, 2020
Depriving a person of food and water--even if they forget how to eat and drink--is cruel because it can take two weeks to die of dehydration, even while under hospice. My mom had end stage Alzheimer's and I got a feeding tube installed -- it only took 10 minutes for the surgeon to put it in her stomach -- because hand feeding became impossible; the feeding tube met her needs. She never suffered...eventually another natural cause took her life and Alzheimer's had nothing to do with it. Mom never suffered; as her condition deteriorated that became the new normal for her, which is different than our normal. That does not mean her life has no quality because she was surrounded with love at all times, and home routines. I did the feeding tube as a very last resort, and those require a considerable amount of care. Mom's Alzheimer's was so progressed she never knew she had a feeding tube, and she did fine with it. I used a "tube top" purchased from Amazon instead for her comfort instead of the abdominal binder, to keep the feeding tube concealed. But she never knew it was there. Mostly to prevent me from pulling it while turning her--it can get caught in the covers.
(5)
Report
Did you sign the lease or an agreement? If so, you're responsible. You are a very loving daughter. You must look out for YOU too.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to blueberrybelle
Report

See All Answers

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter