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I’m my mom’s DPOA, she lives in a senior living apartment with 24 hour care available at an extra fee. Her social security isn’t enough for her monthly rent so I pay the other $600 a month. Also, before she started on the Medicaid Waiver program I was paying $1600 month for the caregivers which put me behind in paying her rent and now I’m paying extra each month to avoid her being evicted. She doesn’t qualify for full Medicaid and missed qualifying for the reduced rent program by less than $100. My brother won’t help in any way. She’s been on palliative Hospice but her condition has greatly worsened over the last couple months where she needs help eating and the caregiving company at the facility wants an additional $570 a month for feeding because she’s maxed on the number of units through the waiver. I keep hearing that I shouldn’t be paying all of this extra money plus I’m unable to meet my own bills. I held off moving her because she wasn’t expected to live through Dec. and the move wasn’t recommended. But now I’m thinking moving is my only option. Am I responsible to pay the past due rent? And would I be responsible to pay the extra feeding bill? I will do anything for her and I’m so blessed to be with her in her last days but I struggle with the guilt I feel when I spend my own money on myself. Can anyone relate?

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You shouldn't be draining your own resources for this unless you can comfortably afford to do so. Mom should be in a SNF on LTC Medicaid.
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AlvaDeer Feb 2020
I so agree. Do not drain resources you will need for yourself. It is very unwise.
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Its time to get her in a good LTC on Mediccaid. It will be hard but you will have no out of pocket and can get the former bill paid. Since u have been paying, I think u have obligated yourself.
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Please don't use your money for your mother. The taxes you pay the government are used to take care of seniors who can't pay. You are paying twice, once out of your pocket and again with taxes you and your mother paid. Find an elder attorney to help you through government red tape.
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It sounds like she needs skilled nursing around the clock and has progressed beyond assisted living. Somebody is going to have to care for her 24/7 so it will either be you or a nursing home.
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Seems mom needs to bein a skilled care facility... and that it should be paid through her finances. I suggest you spend a little money to talk to an elder care lawyer and follow his/her advice.
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It is probably time to move to a regular nursing home that won't have fees for each step of her care. All her care provided with the bed she takes.
Although she may not qualify for programs while she is in her current residence, you can apply for nursing home medicaid to get her moved. Her social security and other income would be used to pay for her bed. Medicaid basically pays the difference. If she has too much income, she would just be a self pay to stay in the nursing home.
Go to her doctor to see if he considers her medical conditions qualifiers for nursing home and get the process started. Locate a nursing home you are interested in and talk to the social worker there. She can help you with the application process and gather info you will need. Or you can go directly to the Medicaid (for elderly/disabled) to apply. They know the rules and all the ins/outs about the programs that cover nursing home.
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rovana Feb 2020
Good advice, but sometimes a person makes too much to qualify for Medicaid, but not enough to self pay.  Falls between the cracks.  How about a Miller Trust?
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Was she married? Was her husband in the military? If yes, then she could apply for aides & attendance benefits to help with the cost.
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Tam4now Feb 2020
She’s a widow but my dad wasn’t in the military. Thank you.
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I think that it is time to m9ve her to a skilled nursing facility that accepts Medicaid so that she can get the care she now requires. Have you spoken with the area agency on aging ombudsmen regarding the financial issues? The department of public welfare who administers Medicaid may be helpful as well. If the senior community has a social worker they may also be a good resource. As far as I understand, you are not responsible for her bills.
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Did you sign the lease or an agreement? If so, you're responsible. You are a very loving daughter. You must look out for YOU too.
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I am a little confused why she doesn't qualify for Medicaid in full? Does she make too much in SS benefits each month and/or other income? Can you spend down her resources so she takes in only $2000 or less a month so she can qualify for Medicaid? To me, that would be the best answer. I would not move her. She does need to eat and I feel that if Medicaid can pay the money to feed her, that is the way to go. If you feel she is nearing the end of life, I would just try to hold out longer. For example, we sold my mother's car, her life insurance policy was cashed in, and her stocks liquidated. This paid for her housing at assisted living completely. Then, when these monies were about to run out and her only income was to be Social Security, she was well under the $2000 a month requirement so she qualified for Medicaid. She received a small stipend each month but the majority of her fee for her assisted living facility was paid by Medicaid. She was also put on hospice and lived for 10.5 months. Hospice helped in many ways: equipment, more services as far as bathing and regular visits from nurses/nursing staff 4 times a week; a social worker/outside nurse assigned to her case that I could call for information/support/questions, and a chaplain who visited my mother almost daily. (She enjoyed his visits, Bible studies and prayers). In fact, he came to be with her when she passed away. Also, what does the hospice staff think about your mother's condition, etc. I would talk with them.
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worriedinCali Feb 2020
I am confused why you posted the exact same response 8 hours ago?
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