Well, for Mom, it was flowers, and arranging for her to go to the hair dresser at the Assisted Living. And clothes , more because the home's laudry wore out all her stuff. But a new top in her favorite color, would at least get used, and she would pluck at the blouse's hem, as she looked at the colors.
Now for Dad it was always candy. He had the worst sweet tooth his entire life. It was the one an only thing that never changed. I took him coffee and a donut every time I saw him, but chocolate would really get his attention. ,,,He also got a major kick out of one of those card that plays music when you open it. I think he must have driving the nurses at the home out of their minds, showing it to them.
From Shutterfly, get the blanket that you can create a collage of old pictures of the previous family’s events. My late mom loved her blanket. https://is.gd/0YHtNn
Best gift ever was a rosebush she could see from the window of her room in AL. She would often look at it and it brightened her day as well as leaving something for other to enjoy. Glisse1121
I have this issue as well. These are all very good ideas, thanks! If your mom is able to get out how about a manicure? I like the idea of the blanket with pictures.
The ladies that are at skilled nursing where I go love flowers, magazines with lots of photos - pretty dresses, or dogs, cats, birds. If your mom can still read (you'd be surprised!) there are books especially for those with dementia with lots of pictures and the type is a bit larger - not too many words, but not juvenile, either. I actually went to a conservation seminar and one of the tables was giving away lovely illustrated books about trees, and how useful they are, with lots of kids animals and birds - I even enjoyed reading it! Does your mom have any dietary restrictions? If not, get her a small favorite food item. Does she have a favorite color? A blouse or sweater or even soft socks in her favorite pink or purple - even with designs on them - might be perfect (and usable!). Do you know her favorite songs? There are multipage cards or stuffed animals where you can record your voice saying you love her and/or a favorite song that plays when you open the card or squeeze the stuffed animal.
All good suggestions, dealing with the same thing... Best thing to give her is your time... She won't remember, but you will... I also do mom's laundry, I pick up a few tops or a sweater here and there. I want to make sure she looks nice.
Thank you for all of your answers and ideas. I made my mom a Mother’s Day gift: When I was in grade school I loved to make silly little books and give them to my mom and she loved them and saved them. For Mother’s Day this year I made her a book inspired by a fill in the blank book I saw online and it is about the reasons why I love her. It reads like a cute simple story / gift book that she can enjoy alone or I could read with her. I put it together on pretty craft paper and washi tape I already had. I know she will love it and it came from my heart. Thank you again for all of your input. All of your help is making it easier to accept her condition and to celebrate her in a way that makes us both happy on Mother’s Day. I know she may not “get it” when she opens it and that’s ok because I know we can enjoy it together on a quieter day. Thank you again!!!
I got my mom roses and arranged them in a nice vase and gave them to her last evening when she was here having dinner. Today I'm making dinner again but I'm giving it a special twist for her by making her favorite food which is fried shrimp. I got them at the sea food store fresh off the boat and cleaned them yesterday. She was thrilled and can't wait for dinner later.
A bit late for Mother's Day, but for future gift ideas: I gave my mother a 'dementia clock' which is a large digital display of the day of the week, the time, morning/afternoon, and date. Very large (not obtrusive) and clear - can be seen from far away. I told her it was called a 'retirement' clock for when everyday is a Saturday. She loves it and when she asks 'what day is it?' she'll say, 'oh, let me look at my clock!'
My Mom is almost 90 years old, is suffering from the end-stages of dementia, and is completely dependent on others for her total care. For almost 4 years, she has lived in a facility, but recently entered a nursing home where she is in the care of hospice.
I do not know if I will have the gift of celebrating another Mother's Day with my Mom. But today, we had the best Mother's Day together I can ever remember!
Dad and I went to the Nursing home to celebrate with Mom just after lunch. I had a cup of coffee cooling for her to drink with her peach crumble dessert. As soon as she said "I'm full", I brought out the Mother's Day cards, gift bag and camera to record the event.
First, she intently studied her cards as I read them to her, provided a much appreciated "Awww!" and pulled my face to hers for a kiss on the cheek. Priceless. These are the moments I live for.
But the grand finale was the opening of the gift bag. It took quite a bit of instruction, assistance and encouragement for her to pull out the tissue paper to discover what was inside. But once she finally managed to pull the little packet out of the bag and saw the contents, there were no words to describe the pure, childlike joy that she expressed. Her eyes sparkled like a toddler when they first glimpse what Santa left on Christmas morning.
I'd shopped for her Mother's Day present at Build-a-Bear Workshop. My Mom loved kitties, and someone had provided a Build-a-Bear kitty for her a few months ago. This kitty, named Buttons, is her constant companion.
So, back to the present.....Pajamas and a night robe for her kitty. That was what was in the bag. That was all. But to Mom, it was everything.....the best gift ever! She turned to me excitedly and asked "when is your birthday?!"
Dementia plays such tricks on the mind....and to her, seeing a gift, and me, and cards....it must be my birthday. But isn't this just her mothering instinct kicking in? She would have done this for me...given me clothes for my doll, and cards with sentimental words inside about how much I meant to her. The tide has turned, and now I have the opportunity to see her experience the pure, simple joy of receiving something that would mean something special to her.
I reminded her that it was Mother's Day, and the present was hers. That didn't faze Mom, or depress her excitement at all. Dad and I assisted Mom with dressing Buttons, her kitty. The PJ's looked adorable! Mom was able to help thread the arm of the robe onto the Buttons, and Dad loosely tied the robe's belt to keep it secure. Mom kissed, talked, hugged, laughed, admired her kitty's new clothes, and finally fell asleep in her wheelchair, gently cuddling Buttons like a newborn baby (she did look fabulous in her new pajamas with matching robe!). Mom had the most contented smile on her face, and Buttons had a few stains on hers from the loving kisses she'd received.
When Dad and I arrived back home, I wanted to call everyone I knew to tell her about Mom and her kitty's new Build-a-Bear clothes. But I did not want to risk anyone thinking it was silly or stupid. "Why didn't you take her flowers?" "Why not a big box of chocolates?" It is a struggle to discover something that will reach through the darkness of dementia and touch your loved one in a meaningful way. Flowers are beautiful, but they will soon wither and be tossed in the trashcan. Chocolates will taste good, but are empty calories for one who needs nutrition to heal from countless skin tears, and will further damage teeth that are barely able to chew soft food. But a smartly dressed kitty will provide endless days and nights of loving companionship.
I chose clothes for Buttons as a gift for Mom because Buttons, her favorite stuffed kitty, is ALWAYS by her side. Buttons comforts her when she becomes agitated. Buttons is always there when I am not able to hold her bony, arthritic hands. Mom always took care me....and now Mom has Buttons to care for!
Now for Dad it was always candy. He had the worst sweet tooth his entire life. It was the one an only thing that never changed. I took him coffee and a donut every time I saw him, but chocolate would really get his attention. ,,,He also got a major kick out of one of those card that plays music when you open it. I think he must have driving the nurses at the home out of their minds, showing it to them.
I got my mom roses and arranged them in a nice vase and gave them to her last evening when she was here having dinner. Today I'm making dinner again but I'm giving it a special twist for her by making her favorite food which is fried shrimp. I got them at the sea food store fresh off the boat and cleaned them yesterday. She was thrilled and can't wait for dinner later.
I do not know if I will have the gift of celebrating another Mother's Day with my Mom. But today, we had the best Mother's Day together I can ever remember!
Dad and I went to the Nursing home to celebrate with Mom just after lunch. I had a cup of coffee cooling for her to drink with her peach crumble dessert. As soon as she said "I'm full", I brought out the Mother's Day cards, gift bag and camera to record the event.
First, she intently studied her cards as I read them to her, provided a much appreciated "Awww!" and pulled my face to hers for a kiss on the cheek. Priceless. These are the moments I live for.
But the grand finale was the opening of the gift bag. It took quite a bit of instruction, assistance and encouragement for her to pull out the tissue paper to discover what was inside. But once she finally managed to pull the little packet out of the bag and saw the contents, there were no words to describe the pure, childlike joy that she expressed. Her eyes sparkled like a toddler when they first glimpse what Santa left on Christmas morning.
I'd shopped for her Mother's Day present at Build-a-Bear Workshop. My Mom loved kitties, and someone had provided a Build-a-Bear kitty for her a few months ago. This kitty, named Buttons, is her constant companion.
So, back to the present.....Pajamas and a night robe for her kitty. That was what was in the bag. That was all. But to Mom, it was everything.....the best gift ever! She turned to me excitedly and asked "when is your birthday?!"
Dementia plays such tricks on the mind....and to her, seeing a gift, and me, and cards....it must be my birthday. But isn't this just her mothering instinct kicking in? She would have done this for me...given me clothes for my doll, and cards with sentimental words inside about how much I meant to her. The tide has turned, and now I have the opportunity to see her experience the pure, simple joy of receiving something that would mean something special to her.
I reminded her that it was Mother's Day, and the present was hers. That didn't faze Mom, or depress her excitement at all. Dad and I assisted Mom with dressing Buttons, her kitty. The PJ's looked adorable! Mom was able to help thread the arm of the robe onto the Buttons, and Dad loosely tied the robe's belt to keep it secure.
Mom kissed, talked, hugged, laughed, admired her kitty's new clothes, and finally fell asleep in her wheelchair, gently cuddling Buttons like a newborn baby (she did look fabulous in her new pajamas with matching robe!). Mom had the most contented smile on her face, and Buttons had a few stains on hers from the loving kisses she'd received.
When Dad and I arrived back home, I wanted to call everyone I knew to tell her about Mom and her kitty's new Build-a-Bear clothes. But I did not want to risk anyone thinking it was silly or stupid. "Why didn't you take her flowers?" "Why not a big box of chocolates?" It is a struggle to discover something that will reach through the darkness of dementia and touch your loved one in a meaningful way. Flowers are beautiful, but they will soon wither and be tossed in the trashcan. Chocolates will taste good, but are empty calories for one who needs nutrition to heal from countless skin tears, and will further damage teeth that are barely able to chew soft food. But a smartly dressed kitty will provide endless days and nights of loving companionship.
I chose clothes for Buttons as a gift for Mom because Buttons, her favorite stuffed kitty, is ALWAYS by her side. Buttons comforts her when she becomes agitated. Buttons is always there when I am not able to hold her bony, arthritic hands. Mom always took care me....and now Mom has Buttons to care for!