Mother's Day Gift?

I struggled with this when my mom's vascular dementia started worsening. Holidays are meaningless to her now, but I don't like to skip them. Instead of buying her something now, I take her out for a long drive and we have lunch and just spend time together. I spend time with her all the time, but I try to make this day especially about making memories - really memories for myself.

Agingparents3, one year I bought my Mom one of those super large Mother's Day cards, they are usually 1 foot by 2 feet. She got the biggest kick out of that. The card could be set anywhere in her room and she could still see it ;)

A colorful bouquet of fresh cut flowers. They liven up a room, and have a nice scent. They can also be thrown out after being enjoyed, and don't add to the clutter.

It's not my mom who has dementia, but, I still usually get my LO (cousin) gifts for the holidays and special occasions. With the memory being so poor and her ability to really use items limited, I go with things like: nice temperpedic pillow, super soft night gown, lavender scent body lotion, comb/hairbrush set, treats for her and other residents on her wing. (I arrange with the facility to provide their snack one day like cookies and ice cream. They all seem to enjoy it.) And, at one time, she liked the balloons that I brought.

Take her out to eat, or bring in her favorite thing to eat.  It is required to eat, but "things" aren't, and they won't mean a thing afterwards, but that meal will keep her going for little while longer!

Just spend time with her and do something therapeutic.

Go go somewhere she used to enjoy, look at photos and discuss (even if you are doing all the talking), eat foods that she loves.

I always loved taking my mom my mom to a beautiful park. We used to walk together. When she got older, we would sit on a bench instead. She felt better there.

Mothers Day is extremely painful when your mother has passed. Savor every beautiful minute, even if it is not as perfect as it used to be.

It all depends on how mobile Mom is when taking her out. I would say a little corsage she can wear for the day. A little pot of flowers. Moms NH had an area the flowers could be planted. Some places have dinner where family can be included.

Near by? Take her to lunch. Far away? a phone all every day that week, saying you lover her. and tell a short story. sned her a card every day, and at the end of the week, send her some shari's berries or someting.

I'm a bit stuck too. No VD diagnosis (but signs are there after stroke). Hemiplegic & I can't drive her anywhere. In denial about incontinence too.

I've bought a colourful card & will get a colourful bunch of flowers. Don't thinks she's ever been a flowers sort, but won't use any nice soap (refuses showers, lol) & will only wear the same clothes - exactlly the same clothes every day.

Cake & balloons for birthday - card & flowers for Mother's Day. See how that goes...

I agree with one of the other posters. Yeah, I am sure she does wear the same clothes every day. That's quite common.

This is what I bring to my 91 year old mother.

Really soft nightgowns, pajamas or bathrobes (bathrobes with snaps or zipper, and not too long), in the colors she likes. She may not seem to care, and resist at first, but I bet you will be surprised when she starts wearing them.

Same for just short or long sleeved tops, in the colors she likes. Elderly people especially with dementia tend to wear the same clothing day after day. But, they also get those clothes stained and they don't see the stains. Every 3-4 months, I bring my 91 year old mother a couple of black or white or black/white striped long sleeved cotton hip length tops......all cotton, or maybe 80% cotton and 20% polyester, just to make sure she has what she wants; and she always wears them. And, then I can get rid of the ones that have stains that cannot be removed.

Also, pull up pants. You may need to get them shortened but you can get all cotton or almost all cotton in black or navy usually at Walmart.

If you still have it, or can find it, give her something you already gave her when you were a child. A school project on construction paper with your picture on it; or a plaster cast of your hand written on it says Happy Mother's Day in your childhood printing.

Put together a little book of pictures of her parents and family as a child, another of her wedding and younger years. Did she travel? Pull those pictures into another picture book. There are some wonderful app services now so you can curate, crop and caption each picture and have printed into an actual book. Think about her happiest times and recapture those memories for her.

I buy my mother fidget toys. She likes the texture of this mesh toy with a marble in it. I've attached a link for you:

BeYumi Marble Fidget Toys (20 PCS) - Relieve Stress, Increase Focus, Soothing Marble and Mesh Fidgets for Children, Adults, Kid and Those with ADHD ADD OCD Autism Anxiety https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XDCDJ2F/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_MqzZCbGJSTXZ0

There are a lot of good ideas here. This year will be the first that we are celebrating Mother's Day in the memory care facility where Mom now resides. I, too, was trying to figure out what would be best. I like the idea of fresh flowers that can be thrown away after a time to reduce clutter. I also was thinking I could bring dinner in and have it in the family dining area - maybe include some of her new friends with us. She likes those soft throws that she can use when she's sitting in her recliner and she loves new pjs!

I have had the same problem! My mother has had everything and wants nothing. BUT she love Shrimp Cocktail and will suck it down like a Dyson Vacuum. SO I now just get her her favorite food:)

A book of photographs of the family or of places she loved. Kind of hard to throw together fast, but might be interesting to her, or trigger memories.

I always got my mom flowers to plant in her garden and pots when she was still in her house, so this year I have to rethink. I'm bringing her here to my house today for a small birthday dinner with presents (summer clothes) and for Mothers' Day I will get her new slippers and lotion. Since all the ladies at the assisted living will be celebrating Mothers' Day, I'll not need to take her out, but maybe take flowers for the table so all of them will have colors and fragrents to enjoy. There are only 6 ladies there right now.

A fiddle blanket. Or, a photograph album explaining who is who.

Mother's Day is about you and Mom, your relationship especially now so how about something meaningful to both of you. Maybe a photo of the two of you either from the past or now or re-framing a special one. Maybe a special little box for her ring's or jewelry that's important to her but maybe doesn't fit now or she has to take off often for some reason. If plants or flowers have always been your tradition maybe a small plant that doesn't need a lot of upkeep but can sit in her room and be cheery. Whatever the material gift it doesn't have to be extravagant and should take a back seat to spending some quality time with her, take her out to lunch or dinner or bring a special one in. If the weather is nice enough get her outside, get both of you outside, have tea and crumpets! Maybe dress her up with a corsage if church and dressing up to go out was part of her tradition for Mothers Day in the past, even if you aren't actually going out to eat you could set up a meal in a different spot and use a tablecloth.... Whatever you decide make it something that's meaningful and enjoyable to you too, she will get the benefit in the moment and if she losses the time later you will still have it for both of you.

I have the same situation with my mother who also suffers from Dementia/Alzheimers. I struggle with knowing what to do on holidays, birthdays etc. But I go ahead and still celebrate with her as if she is still her old self. I find that bringing her a little something still brings her a smile (even though she doesn't understand what it is for) somehow it makes her happy and brings a smile to her face even if it is just temporary. It makes me feel like I still have a connection to her and can celebrate her special day. Even if it is just a small bouquet of flowers she will look over at it and smile and say "what pretty flowers". So if I can bring her some joy and happiness even if it's only in spurts it makes my heart happy for her.

Good thing...Bad thing. She will not know Mothers day from any other day, But truthfully shouldn't EVERY day be Mother's day, Father's day, Grandparent's day, Children's day...and so on.
My Mom died when I was pretty young and every day I wish she were here, my Dad died a few years after she did and again every day I wish they could both see me/know me as an adult. So to have 1 "special" day is nice but to treat them the way you would on their 'special" day every day is more of an honor.
Spend time with Mom, spend time with Dad and enjoy the moments you have while you have them.
Bring Mom a smile, hold hands, give her a hug, a kiss and a thank you.
Even if she was not the greatest Mom YOU have learned something from her. You either learned to be like her or how to try to avoid the pitfalls. YOU learned to be loving and caring or you learned how not to be mean, spiteful, needy and vindictive. Take these lessons and pass them on.

I get my mother a pretty bouquet of flowers. I try to do this though out the year and also include a special treat on holidays that she doesn't get often. Even though she doesn't remember they are from me I know she enjoys them. Each time she looks at them it is like the first time seeing them and always remarks OHH! such pretty flowers, where did they come from?

We never did much more than give a gift or flowers for this Hallmark sort of holiday. I kind of keep my eyes open...this year I picked up a really beautiful vase with some tall pink tulips (silk) that I found in a TJMaxx when I wasn't looking for anything in particular. It looks like they are in water and I may be asking for trouble...but we'll see. We're also about to finally try getting some in home help, and I am cautiously optimistic about the aide getting her to shower. But in hopes of that we got her a beautiful new pink terry bathrobe to at least put on after showering to help her be covered up and drying.

My Mom has been in MC for 4 years now. One of the things I've given her that she really likes is a clock that's basically made for dementia patients. It gives the day of the week, date and time. Just google clocks for dementia patients and it'll pull quite a few.

My mom is almost 90 and still lives at home. She doesn’t want stuff and is allergic to flowers. I live over 1000 miles away from her so... The last few years I have had things done at her home to help her. I had a toilet replaced. The garage door opener fixed. Painted her bathroom when I visited, etc. I was the driving force at getting her some in home assistance a few hours a week. She has someone come in for four hours once a week to do light cleaning, cooking, shopping, she gets her hair washed and her toenails done. She also gets some companionship out of it and it gives. My sister a break.

My Mom is 91, and in dementia care in advanced stage. The CVS in town has a sock rack that carries themed socks for the different holidays and seasons. I keep her clothes etc. all year as she needs and anything else that comes up. Anyway, I picked up several pairs at Halloween, with pumpkins, black cats etc. and they were such a big with her that I've continued as the holidays roll around. She loves the colors and pictures and helps her a little identifying what time of the year it is. Kind of like a walking calender. One other thing I found was small stuffed cats. She always adored her cats over the years and terribly misses them and their love and company. I've given her few small stuffed ones that she adores. In her altered reality this was a perfect solution. Hope this helps you. We are all on a journey with no road map and not enough Kleenex. Best wishes to all of you. Happy Mothers Day to those of us who are now the ' mothers ' to our moms.

Does she like colorful picture books? I like the idea of socks too. I give my MIL those warm socks with the rubber non-slip pads on the bottom. How about a nightgown? I also like the idea of the dementia clock or anything that will help out. I got my mom a tray to attach to her walker years ago.

Our mother doesn't use things any more. She's in a very nice AL where they do everything for her. Get things that visually stimulate your mother.
Examples could be a large colorful flower arrangement in a nice wicker basket with a handle wraped with & pretty ribbon & bow. (we get my mother fake ones. They look very real & will last a long time). Get one real fragrant flower like a rose, carnation, with the stem attached, etc. She can smell this if she can put it to her nose.
Pictures of her with your family in a non glass & light mulitple picture frame to hang on wall close to her or set on a table. Pictures should be large enough for her to make out the images.
Get a large book, not too thick & be light in weight, that has nothing but full page photos of beautiful landscape images from around the USA, everything thing from mountains, forrests to sea side.
We try to get our mother things that she would possibly recognize in some way. She loves pretty embroidered end table cloths, flowers, etc. She loves little puppies & couch pillows. My wife made her a pillow with images of different puppies. She has it on her bed all the time. She often carries it with her on her rolator, showing it to people.
Our mother loves two large light plactic edged framed pictures on her wall of the front of an Italian country cottage & other picture of an Italian rural country cozy street side cafe.
There's so much any more that mother doesn't remember but there's many times bits of memory seem flash her. Short term memory is not very prominent. Long term is even worse now. But she knows & loves us.
We will probably get her the large basket of flowers this year plus goodies. She loves chocolate, peanut butter, vanilla sugar wafer cookies.
So, we try to do and get her things that stimulate what memory we know she possibly has. At least that we know she likes.
Important note...face to face intimate interaction with our mother has always been key in our relationship. We point out all the nice things she has. What a great pretty place she lives. Anything we can do to relate to and share. As she has progressed, we can see how things change in what she likes, dislikes or doesn't care. About a year or so ago we had to find things in her room because she was hiding them. She didn't anyone to steal them. These were things she liked the most. Today she doesn't hide things, but she will keep them close to her on her bed, etc.
Blessings

Take a picture of the two of you together, or one from the past, and frame it and put by her bed.
You might even make up a little story about the picture, based on a memory from the past.
For instance "once upon a time, Mary (insert your mom's name) took Emily(insert your name) to--------Fill in the blanks.
It could become a "bedtime story" ritual you do together each night.
Since past memory is the easiest for those with memory issues to recall, an old event would work well.
You're a sweet daughter to want to celebrate her Mother's Day.
As Maya Angelou once said, "We may not remember what a person did, but we remember the way they made us feel".
Sending a hug to your tender heart.

We usually got flowers or a small box of chocolates, along with cards (which she loved). The floral arrangement she liked the best was a cute puppy, all made out of flowers, in a basket. As her dementia got worse, she also loved small stuffed animals. Prior to that, books of all kinds were our "go to" gifts. We found out that small, temporary type gifts (candy, flowers) were best in her case as the "good" stuff could go missing.