My mother, with the help of my sister and brother, left her nursing home against medical advice. Now she wants to return to nursing home. Advice?

Have brother or sister take her into their homes until THEY figure it out! They have caused one heck of a mess and they should immediately sell mom's condo, if it is actually hers, to pay for her care.

Have you checked the assessor records online to see who the condo owner is? After I went through the experience with my twisted sissies, I have a very suspicious mind and trust absolutely no one.

AMA for doctors is a big deal. Lawsuits can arise from AMA situations. Doctors almost always win, but it’s time consuming and expensive. Doctors, like nursing home can cherry pick who they want, and being on Medicaid doesn’t help. Everyone wants the higher paying residents/patients.

I am so sorry for you having to now handle this mess and try to fix. Your sis/bro need to fix it.. You struck a chord with me, because my I have been arguing with my mother for MONTHS not to take my father out of a wonderful VA LTC and move him closer so she does not have to travel 60 miles to see him (and I do the driving). I have told her she will regret this decision as they cannot afford private pay as there would be nothing left for her... and that he is getting world class care, why would she be so selfish to not recognize this. Finally I gave her ultimatum...if she did it, I would NOT help with anything. Not finding a home, not taking him to any appointments, not anything and she was on her own. It was all I had left to use...it worked but she still agitates over it. My brother backs me up, but I have told her she can do what she wants..just don’t expect me to pick up all the pieces again. WHO in their right mind would leave a wonderful VA care facility where there are NO costs to the family and he has 24-7 care and access to all medical needs? He has neuropathy, had 2 strokes already, vascular dementia, very diseased gall bladder that can leak into his stomach at any time, AND a aneurysm in the stomach that we can only pray outlives him. Surgery is not an option due to his fragile condition. I am so annoyed with her for being so selfish... because I had to go through this for 2 years and I’m the one that managed to get him into the VA home. It sometimes occurs to me that while old age is not for the faint of heart, the stubbornness and selfish of some elderly make it much more difficult than it has to be.

I think I would let brother and sister handle this. There should be some consequences for their foolish actions, don't you think?

Anyway....

There is a process by which one gets into a NH; the easiest route is if a patient is in the hospital and gets placed by the discharge department. That lets you skip the waiting list.

Most likely, the only place with available beds is the least desirable one in your area. You CAN move mom once she's placed; the best scenario would be for mom to he hospitalized for 3 days and be eligible for a brief stint in rehab which would then turn into a long term care stay.

Has she been approved for long term care Medicaid or Community Medicaid? Those are two very different things.

Just my 2 cents ... that would be brother and sister's problem since they felt she was well enough to take her out AMA. Would not be my problem. The only way u get into LTC is if 24/7 care is needed. There may not be a bed to go back to. When one is empty they make sure its filled quickly. And do u blame the facility for not taking her back?

First, ur probably going to have to reapply to Medicaid again to cover her longterm care. So, yes, it would be private pay until the application is approved. It may not be.

If she is on Medicaid for her healthcare (which I would confirm if she got it because she was in LTC) she may be able to get homecare.

I think what you may want to do is call Medicaid and see what needs to be done to get Mom back into LTC. Make sure they know that ur not the one that created this problem your just trying to find out ur options.

Boy, I would have killed my siblings. I would help but not give up anything. They made this mess they should clean it up. :)

In addition to what has been said, I think her Medicaid status is the reason only one nursing home will take her. They may be the only facility with a Medicaid bed available. If your mother could afford to self pay for 6+ months then you’d probably be able to place her in a better facility. So Medicaid + a past history of leaving ama is not good.

Most (but not all) NHs only dedicate a few rooms to Medicaid recipients because they don't get compensated enough for them by the govt. These rooms are shared and the existing internal residents get first dibs on them. It is extremely unfortunate that your mom left. But, put her name on waiting lists for as many good, reputable NHs as you can. Not sure what state she lives in, but wait times can vary. Here in MN I was blown away when a very desirable NH had an open room when I called them. Her name was on the waiting list of AL and that took 3 years. Now my MIL is in this awesome place. SO...it is not hopeless but it may take a while.

Well your siblings will have to reap what they sowed

Sounds like your sister and brother have a problem. I would let them handle it and back out of the entire mess.

What are your brother and sister doing to repair their mistake?

In what circumstances did she leave the last NH against medical advice? If it was messy and/or expensive, other facilities may decide they don't want to take the risk of admitting her.

What did the NH she left say when you approached them, and how long ago was it that she left?

Meanwhile, I think brother and sister had better take it in turns to support your mother at home until an acceptable place can be found for her - don't you?