Mother (95) with dementia is rocking the toilet loose from the floor bolts—big costs to fix. How do I solve this?

Is your mother very heavy? I only ask because I can't imagine being able to "rock" a properly installed toilet off it's supports. One solution might be to add an inexpensive toilet seat riser so she can get to her feet more easily, or to place a commode (with splash guard) over the toilet.

My husband was provided with a bench that had a hole in the center and rails on both sides. He did not sit on the toilet itself but on the bench. If you had that for Mom, she could rock all she wants and not affect the commode. And honey, come see my house. I have “contraptions” in every room. But if it keeps my hubby safe and comfortable, I don’t kvetch.

Depending on the age and use or abuse it is entirely possible to wear out a toilet flange. Since the base is smaller than the bowl applying weight to one side over a period of years will slowly wear things out. It is only held in place by two brass bolts through the flange. I have seen more than one with broken flanges.
Your plumber may be talking about one with a wider base to increase stability.

Medicare will provide a bedside commode. You can place this over the commode as cwillie suggested. It has arms and makes it easier to get up and down. It's also good to sit in the shower as a bath aid. You will need a doctors prescription.
On the expense. The commode in my aunts bath began to leak around the base, like the seal was broken. A plumber was called who wanted to charge $400 to reinstall two commodes. Her commodes weren't worn. This was not replacing the commodes but there was a "flange" discussion. We had him fix the seal while I thought about the repair.
Meanwhile, Aunt was stuffing the commode with tissue and causing additional problems, I was referred to a different plumber by the city who came for this problem. Cleaned all the lines, did the flange work and adjusted a sink all for $250. I would get a second opinion before paying $800. That might be a good price but it doesn't hurt to shop it.
You aren't going to be able to get you mom to stop rocking. I'd try to get one of the options recommended to assist her.

Thanks to all.

I have been facing this problem now for several years but fortunately as I get stronger and have more rails installed it is easier to manage.
What I would love to have is one of the trapeze bars they use in hospitals over the bath tub.
I can get in and lie down for a good soak but trying to get out is the fight of my life so I only tried that once. So the tub is out and that leaves the shower. I am too unsteady on my feet to just stand there snd soap up so my solution has been to sit on a shower chair with an hand held shower so I have a sponge shower but at least I can get washed and do it independently.
I won't go into the public toilet fiasco.

When she rocks she breaks the seal. That could need being replaced.

I have recommended commodes. If using, you should receive a bucket and a splashguard. You will use the guard. Take off the bar on the back. Commode's legs can be adjusted . Just make sure the guard edge is in the bowl.

Hi Jackie. I would suggest You consider asking Your Carpenter to call to fix a timber frame around the toilet to make it steady and firm so that when ever Your Mom moves to get up the toilet will not move.

I am stifled by all the bars, chairs, contraptions, etc. that go with taking care of her. Not to mention the stair chair gizmo that was $10K and looks ugly. As someone who has fought cancer twice, and I have chosen to live alone and in the most beautiful surroundings I can muster for years- my house now looks like the local hospital. When I read you comments about plastic toilet chairs with bars and wood frames, I want to cry. It the only bathroom and so we have to share it.
OK, so I know I am supposed to not care as long as she is happy and safe. But my surroundings have always affected my temperament and mood--I need a calm, quiet, beautiful house. Am I going to have to go back on antidepressants to get by? Maybe it's time to move her to a facility.
But thank you all for trying to help me.

I'm saying this kindly - if you feel as though you no longer have a place in your own home maybe it is time to consider other options for her care. Care-giving at home isn't easy, and you shouldn't have to continue until you've reached your breaking point.

Maybe longer bolts would help. I am sorry you are having these problems

My MIL had physical and occupational therapy to teach her “wheelchair pushups” so she wouldn’t rock. She needed Vive Toilet Rail.

Jackie, You You have been given a lot of good advice here. I am not as old as your mother, I'm only 90, but I can certainly empathize with your situation because as stroke victim, I face the same problem every day. I don't know about the $800 fee that you've been quoted as sounds high to me, but I'm not a plumber and I don't see why welding is necessary. The thing that worries me is the fact that the situation you have it is possible that water is leaking into the floorboards that are used to anchor toilet. If those floorboards begin to rot the whole thing might pull up regardless of what, reinforcing steel is used to hook into the screws., I would use some 1/8" (or as thick as will fit under the floor board) stainless steel . for the on either side use the original sizes as a gauge but do not use brass, use stainless the same goes for the washer piece that goes on top you will be limited to the size, but the bigger gauge you can use the better off you'll be. I'm concerned that rocking back and forth could eventually crack or break the porcelain of the toilet. That could cause your mother to actually fall on the floor. That rocking should as you know be eliminated. Ideally, your mothers arms and legs should be the primary tools to get her up off the toilet.

The bars that she grabs onto should be placed at the right distance and the right angle. In some cases you might want to stick two bars, parallel to one another to allow her pull herself up, one step at a time. I have three bars in one bathroom Two directly in front of me and one on my weak side. In another bathroom, I have only one bar and that one is on my strong side. Your mother has to be there to work with you to determine the exact position and angle that works best for her.
Fixing the rocking toilet is only necessary maintenance. It will not help her to stand. Proper installation of the grab bars will mitigate your mother's problem of going from a sitting position to a standing position.

I am with cwillie here.
At some point as caregivers we must realize that we can not "do it all"
When I was caring for my Husband I said I would keep him at home as long as it was safe. Safe for him and safe for me.
It sounds like it has reached a point where it may not be safe for your mom to remain in your home. When a person can no longer use the equipment in a home without drastic modifications or turning to the use of commercial grade equipment it is not safe. (Unless the modifications are made)
And it sounds like you need a place a "sanctuary" for yourself for your mental and emotional well being. And there is NOTHING wrong with that. You have your battles and you need to care for yourself as well as caring for your mom. You, with luck will outlive your mom, that is how it should be so you need to care for yourself.
I will bet you will be a better caregiver with her in a place that can more safely care for your mom with her needs. I can tell you she will not get easier to maneuver, she will not become more agile. She may soon need (if she doesn't now) a Sit-to-stand or a Hoyer lift. And with that probably another person to help with transfers. Transfers can be difficult and unsafe with one person particularly if the person being moved is resistant or over weight.
This is a big decision and possibly a painful one. So boil it down to the one important thing as I did SAFETY. What happens to mom if you are hurt while moving her off the toilet or to the bed. While you are immobile for a while where would she go?

well you can buy a toilet add on real easy they have a booster seat it is made of plastic. shaped like the seat it covers the bowel have to lift both lid & seat & put it on it reaches down to the sides all around 1 1/2 in. down the whole side of the bottom ..it will help her to get up easier my mom had to have one it was hard for her to get up that is why your mom is having trouble to get up maynot be that she is dementia just hard for her knees to get up
so it sits 1 1/2 inch in the bowel then it is 6 inches high .sorry but this is a contraption you need to get i think even walgreens sells them
&definitly a health store do supply that is .it might be a good buy you may need it when you get old to ok good luck

i remember one time i was working back then i was in maintenance for cleaning i remember that there was a toilet that was bad you could rock it like your mom did .i report it to my manager & they fixed it buy putting concrete around it ..i do not recommend that at all .you might have to fix the toilet then do what i said get a booster seat like i said it is hard on the knees but the floor was concrete to .it was a sam's club i do not think you need a 800.00 fix it but the seat ,if possible you could help her up to ..so if the toilet is good then you need to replace the flange the seal that is to seal the toilet to the sewer line & they come with the bolts to & nuts to if you want you could use the old nuts double nut it that will make it more secure

You need to see her in action to know why that's happening before you make a choice. This is called an "informed choice". If it is coming loose due to rocking back and forth than it is flimsy to begin with. Medical equipment specialists may have a serious toilet that is for very heavy or demented people, or both.
If your unwilling to give up function for fashion-I have no advice beyond to try and not be a fashion victim:). It will all pass and you can have the bathroom back .

Try a commode. They have them at medical rental places. Dont know if you have to buy or rent. It might be sturdier, and built higher for her to sit on.

Id also get other estimates of the toilet fix. It could be it needs a new ring to seal it correctly. They get old and become loose. It could just need just the bolts re-tightened. If you get a couple of estimates, then you will know the real cost. Unless the toilet porcelain bottom is cracked, no need for a new toilet. Im sure you can find someone to do it cheaper. All that welding sounds odd to me, but I havent seen the toilet. You can also look up the problem how to fix a loose/rocking toilet easy on youtube.

She COULD be Obese, but, speaking as an MD-it's rare for truly obese folks to live that long. Occasionally-even smokers do, but that's even rarer.

No No No don't pay this guy $800. My husband is a plumber, so I know that is way too much. When the toilet moves, it simply means the bolts are loose and the wax seal is no longer doing its job. Unless this goes on for a long time and causes leakage between the lino and the sub floor, this is no $800 job.
The toilet can be pulled and a new wax seal installed for about $75.00. There is probably nothing wrong with the toilet, it will be reinstalled with new bolts. Then get her a higher toilet seat https://www.walgreens.com/store/c/essential-medical-elongated-toilet-seat-riser/ID=prod6095622-product?ext=msnKBM_PLA_-_Home_Medical&kpid=sku6085958&sst=c3ff841e-19b0-403b-bc7d-f2a0e39c78b2&msclkid=43437f05ff2019afed7323060129621f
Good luck to you.

Wow...the season for the song Rockin around the Christmas tree comes to mind, but I know this is so not funny to have a rockin toilet. As others have indicated, $800 for a fix sounds way too high and I'd be getting a couple more estimates and definitely losing that plumber. Gees...we just got a new one and installed it wasn't more than $500...and that was for a $400 toilet. IF you want to spend that much, pretty much all of them come in a comfort height /ada approved version. No need for the separate seat for height unless you want to have the "arms". I have had a Toto toilet for years and just love it. They are more expensive but have moderately priced ones as well. Some even have some features that might be very helpful for someone with dementia and their caregivers, but those run way more. Look for the Drake II, which has the essential features of comfort height, the sanigloss glaze, water economy and tornado flush. Wishing you all the best with this, and in finding a new plumber!

If you have a friend/family member they can shut off the water, flush toilet, and empty the water out of it. Suck up the rest of the water with a sponge/bucket or shop vac. Then remove the bolts to the toilet. They can scrape off the seal and disconnect the flange and take it to a home depot etc, to get a new correct fitting and new wax seal and reinstall.
Im not a plumber but what welding are they doing? The flange part that attaches to the pipe in the floor is plastic in most cases and the ring is wax. Again I havent seen your toilet. A friend or family member can look up how to replace these parts online. Lots of tutorials on how to fix it.
Toilets become loose over the years. We use them mult times a day for decades. These things happen. I hope you can find a family member/friend handyman to replace the parts. Good luck. Save yourself $$$.

It’s definitely not a $800 job .We have changed toilets and all you needed was a new seal and bolts.The booster seats work great ,sometimes they feel a little unstable so I got a bungee cord wrapped it around the back and hooked to the arms on the booster seat and it works great .You can’t see the cord at all. Good luck

Yes, this happened to a toilet in my mom's condo and cost a lot to fix. Mom was a small person, barely 100 pounds, but had little strength in her legs and would plop down onto the toilet, possibly causing this to happen. I like the idea of a toilet bench over the regular toilet if possible, or something to absorb the weight of pushing off the toilet.

You could use one of those commode seats that you can just put overtop of the toilet. It moves out of the way for others to use the toilet normally. Then, your mom isn't sitting on the toilet at all and she has the arms of the commode to help with positioning.

If your mom is 95, I'm guessing you're 65 or better. It sounds like you're doing a lot of very hands-on, physical caregiving. Maybe it's time for AL for mom. Don't risk your own body. If mom shifts her weight suddenly or you twist your body in an awkward way, you're in for a long recovery and maybe never getting back to full function. You'll be no good to her and you won't be able to have any of the long, happy senior years your mom has had.

Get a commode & put it next to her bed

I dislike asking, but prehaps you need a heavy duty toilet, else use a bedside commode.

Try raising the seat with one of those plastic covers with handles on the side. She won’t have to push off so hard to get up since she will be higher up.
other idea is a bedside commode, although that’s more labor intensive because it’s doesn’t “flush” it away.
If you’re paying $800 to FIX the existing toilet, you’re overpaying. You can get a whole new toilet installed for that!

Is she rocking as in like a rocking chair , for no reason? Or is she pushing off too hard once done going potty?
I understand the need to not transform the house too much but if you can't do what she needs done and to save the toilet , she may need a home.
Good luck

In my parents condo, they managed to crack the plastic flange which was difficult to replace with a heavy duty metal flange because the cement was uneven and slightly raised around the toilet drain. Then they slightly bent the metal replacement flange! I think the area under the flange greatly contributed to the rocking problem.
Their condo is on a slab foundation. Before getting the toilet replaced in their second bathroom, I ground down high areas in the cement and filled low areas with cement patch, which was difficult and messy work. If the plumber had to do this prep work, it would have cost significantly more money than a normal toilet install.
In another home, after pulling a rocking toilet, I had to cut out and replace part of the sub floor, beef up the rotting floor joists below, and replace the flange before installing a new toilet. The floor was rocking along with the toilet!
So yes, some rocking toilet solutions can be very labor intensive for a do-it-yourselfer or costly for a licensed plumber working at $65/hour.