My Mother tries to run my life. Any advice?

Sounds like you are being pushed over the edge! She must be a very controlling person and her age just makes it worse. Does she have any hobbies? Is she just one to "live in the past", stewing over stuff that happened 60 years ago?

Have you ever tape recorded her rants and played them back for her to hear? Could you "redirect" her by giving her some simple tasks? Could she plant a container garden and take care of that herself?

If I were you I would get an ipod, tune her out and go about your day. Is she ok in the house by herself if you spend a lot of time outside?

I wish you well and I hope you can find some peace for yourself. This sounds maddening!

Try the line "thank you for that suggestion" when mom says shouldn't you be fixing dinner now? or try "thank you for your concern" when she is telling you how bad things will be if you do or don't do something her way. then move on...

I do hate the not being able to go to the bathroom without several interruptions...it is like having a 2 year old on my hands....

If my shower takes "too long" she yells "are you all right? I thought something had happened to you" If I am gone for an hour (and i said I would be) she tells me she was "going to call the police...since I was so late getting back"

Yes the controlling gets VERY OLD

Get on that horse and ride, until you can no longer hear her scream.
Have the doctor give her some medication for that, could be anxiety.
Learn what sundowner's is, feed and medicate her for that.
Have some nice ladies come over to find out what is bothering her.
Listen to people here who have experience with dementia, etc.
Take care of yourself, and lock the bathroom door, please.

Olly, I'm hesitating because maybe you posted this elsewhere already, but I think Mom is getting demented. She used to have enough judgement to keep the constant harassment under control and now is either perseverating or forgetting that she has already gotten an answer. Either that or she has a severe anxiety disorder run amok. She may be trying desperately to "fix" things she thinks are wrong and cannot process or remember the answers or reason why they are not wrong, and has lost all empathy or perspective if she does knot know better than to barge into the bathroom or shower repeatedly. See about getting her a comprehensive geriatric eval - maybe there is something going on that is medically treatable - and sure, in the meantime, try to respond to reasonable requests and non-respond to unreasonable ones as consistently as you can. But if nothing helps this behavior pattern, it really is going to wear you right out in a finite amount of time.

OMG, glasshalffull, i LOVE you!! The quote of what your mom says when your shower is "too long" is VERBATIM what I hear from my mom!

I have one sibling who lives 1,000 miles away so it's me 24/7/365. Even when I lived closer, he was no help anyway, so it STILL was me, me & all me 24/7/365.

As for Mom moving out...I would MORE than welcome it but she refuses to go into an ALF & when I contacted an elder attorney I was told that I cannot force her into a facility unless she can be deemed incompetent by the court. Yes, she does have mild to moderate dementia & does, occasionally, sundown but her orientation during the day is still too intact for her to get the incompetent label. We had her on Zoloft for anxiety at one point but it caused her to have terrible diarrhea that resulted in "accidents" so she was switched to Seroquel. She's supposed to be on 100mg each night but every time I try to progress her beyond 50mg, she sundowns SO badly that she's kind of aggressive!

I hate to say this because it makes me sound like a horrible human being & an even MORE horrible daughter, but I go to bed every night praying for God to take her home so that I can be released from my living hell.

She needs to move on. I could see my own mother doing what you described. The stress killed my sister. Now, Mother is alive and well at the local NH.

My sister couldn't go out to supper, without Mother calling her several time. If someone went to visit Mother, they would tell me that she wouldn't let them leave the house.

What? She is 96. She couldn't hold anyone hostage. But, people 50,60 and 70 years old acted like they were children.

Believe me, it will not get any easier for you until you take control and move your mom out. What is the plan, if she outlives you? Good luck.

How can your mother interrupt you if you lock the bathroom door? Why do you let her have the control you give her? It's time one of you moved out. That would appear to be Mom since you don't have a strong enough will to live with her in anything close to a normal way. If you ever expect to have any sort of normal life, Mom needs to go, so you can start looking now.
Start teaching yourself that she will not run your life from wherever you place her by you answering the phone when she calls and taking orders from her or this moving her out will do no good. You do not have to answer every time she calls you. You don't have to take orders from her on how to live your life once she's moved out. Do not let her guilt you into coming to see her and take her places after you've determined how often you will visit. You must determine these things ON YOUR OWN and STICK WITH YOUR DECISIONS. You probably need counseling and someone to be responsible to so you keep to your decisions. You will need to grow a spine that your Mom can't remove.
You may hate me for saying this but you need someone to say it. Your Mom is driving you crazy and you need to claim your sanity back. Get help asap.

If you have a doctor willing to try different things, maybe it is time for having the guy try yet another depression anti anxiety drug.

And sounds like you need to give momma a couple benadryl and go outside and ride your pony. I would be riding down the road saying "lalalalala....I cant hear youuuuuu!!!" Maybe she will fall asleep in her chair and cut you a break! Shheessh!

If she is on SSI, she should be qualified for Medicaid. You should start looking into it. Sounds like your Office on Aging is not too sympathetic. Any other avenues, such as county social services. Sounds to me if you could get somebody to observe her, that they would be on your side if you were to petition for guardianship so you could get her somewhere safe.

A suggestion: Your Mom's behavior isn't normal, as you know. Has she been seen by a good psychiatrist? Have you explained the behavior you see to the same Dr? You could make a list of your Mom's behaviors that don't seem normal and that drive you crazy to give to the psych Dr. The point of this is to rule out a mental illness that would explain your Mom's behavior. Preferably an illness that's treatable. This could help tremendously and improve both your Mom's and your lives.
If no illness is found, you need a good counselor to help you set healthy boundaries between you and your Mom. Thinking of healthy boundaries might be tough and require some creative thinking, so having a good counselor will be helpful for that, also. Losing your friends is so hard, I know. I'm sorry that's happened to you. It's happened to me, also, so I can understand that. Sometimes it feels like betrayal, like they were 'fair weather' friends. Where are they now when you really need them? My counselor has become a good friend and maybe you'll get that fortunate also.

Counselors that work for the county usually have fees on a sliding scale according to your income. The same is true with counselors who work at a church. You don't have to belong to the church or go to their services. Have you checked into whether you can draw an income for having to stay at home to care for an invalid mother? I don't know where you'd ask, just making a suggestion.

If there's no medical or psychological problem found & treated to explain your Mom's increasing behavioral changes, it seems you 2 need to live separately from each other. This may sound drastic, but you 2 do not get along well. You can't keep living under the huge stress your Mom puts on you. Caregivers do burn out. You do have limits on what you can handle. Please think about this option. Can your Mom go to a nursing home or something similar? That would give you some times of peace and you have more control over how long your visits are based on how she treats you. It takes a lot of time and work at first, but after awhile the arrangements are finished and things settle down and get quiet. You could work again to bring in income.