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She gets so angry at me and yells for days that there is something wrong with the unit. We have tried every way to explain why it is so high but she will not hear it. Any ideas about a better way to handle this? I am an only child so I have to deal with all the caregiving and I have read & studied this diease enough to know how fast things can change but until we get to summer I don't see this situation changing. Any suggestions?

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does she have a programmable thermostat? I don’t think there is much you can do except program it for certain times of day.
My SIL’s husband does heating & air conditioning for living & recently gave us a NEST thermostat he acquired. He told us room temp should never go above 74 (we do live in CA though so....maybe above 74 is safe in colder parts of the country). We can program the thermostat to heat up the house to a certain temperature at the same time every day. Maybe you could program moms thermostat to come on at a certain time at a reasonable temperature so that she won’t feel the need to turn it on? Our NEST was programmed by the original owners to start heating the house to 68 degrees at 6:00am. That’s way too hot, I had to do a reset on all the settings in order to turn that off.
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worriedinCali Jan 2019
adding in, the new programmable thermostats have safety features where you can set it to prevent the temperature from dropping below a certain temp or rising to a certain temp. The NEST thermostat we have has a dial and touch screen and it is extremely complicated. There’s no button to push and you have to know what you are doing in order to navigate it, I highly doubt someone with dementia would be able to do something disastrous to it. The touch screen is also very difficult, you have to press very hard and you have to know that....in order to select something or move to a different feature you have to turn the invisible dial around the thermostat.
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She truly is cold and wants to be warm. She does not associate the bill when it comes with the use of energy to heat her house.

Have you looked into annualized billing? I do that with my electric bill. Here electric bills are traditionally sent once every two months, so those with electric heat get a whopper of a bill once heating season has started. I have mine annualized and pay the same amount each month. It makes budgeting much easier.

I have oil heat, but the basement TV room tends to be colder, so I use an oil filled electric heater in there during the winter.

Programmable thermostats are great too.

Also warm wool under vests can help keep a senior warm. Merino ones are not itchy.
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She's keeping the heating turned up high and it's blasting away and costing her a packet, but is her house actually warm? It might be worth looking at energy-saving tips on her utility supplier's website and seeing if you can both save her money and get her home more consistently heated.

Also, I have no idea how charging works in the US and God knows I've found it such a brain scramble myself that I've given up and subscribed to a switching service, but it might be worth seeing if she is paying what she ought to be paying for her heat.
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Yeah, depending on your house and where you live heating can really blow the budget in the winter - my mom was paying over $4K/year for propane to heat her old farmhouse years ago and the temperature wasn't set anywhere near that high. Equal billing plans are a great idea to spread out the cost. I liked mom's oil filled electric heater because it was safe and quiet but if electricity prices are high and you don't lower the furnace temp you are just adding to the cost. Programmable thermostats are one idea because she likely won't be able to figure out how to change it (heck I couldn't figure out the one that came with my house so I had it removed!). Another solution might be a smart thermostat that can be changed remotely, but you might end up having to constantly monitor it. Or you could disconnect the one she uses and have a new one installed that she doesn't have access to. Whatever you do don't just leave her to "freeze", you'll need to figure out a satisfactory way to help her stay warm, I'm cold blooded myself and feeling cold all winter is a miserable thing.
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Countrymouse Jan 2019
You've just sent a chill down my spine! - we had LPG at my last house, prices to make your head swim, AND it wasn't until we installed wood burners as well that we ever got it warm.
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Also, silk scarves. Drafts down the neck make the whole of you feel chilly, and a well-tucked scarf makes all the difference. And I don't care how old and eccentric I have just proved myself to be.
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BarbBrooklyn Jan 2019
I'm going out to buy at least one tomorrow! Thank you!
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You can buy a programmable thermostat for around 35.00, but she can override the programming and even mess it all up pushing buttons.

I would do a couple of things.

1st - get more healthy fats in her diet, this will increase her metabolism and help her feel warmer.

2nd - get a good quality space heater, infrared technology is safe, you want something that has a low fire risk, I use radiant heaters that shut off if they get overheated and squawk if they are tipped, however, they get hot and I wouldn't use anything that gets hot to the touch around seniors or children. Do some research online, you'll find a good unit that is cost effective to run.

Maybe get one for the bathroom and one for her bedroom, that way you can heat the areas she is in while she is in them and turn the house thermostat down, as well as turn the units off when not needed.

It takes a while for us to get chilled if we are nice and cozy, so unless she spends her day throughout the entire house, this could be a good solution.

You will spend anywhere from 100 to 250 for a good, energy efficient unit, but they pay for themselves quickly in comfort and savings.
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This might not be a popular answer but you can buy a lock to cover the thermostat.  You see these in businesses so staff and clients can't mess with it.  They have clear ones that lock with a key.
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My dad does same thing but he does allow me to take from his account to pay the bill, which is up an additional 300 since he moved in.
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Frustrating. Seems like a lot of elders like to complain. AND to be warm! Any way you could keep her from seeing the high bills so she doesn't have to get so upset and can just enjoy being warm?
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We had to buy a lock box to cover the thermostat when my parents still lived at home. My father was constantly fiddling with the thermostat with disastrous results.

I dress warmly (long sleeves or thin jacket) inside my house during the cold days and use an area heater for the livingroom. I agree, a light scarf can do wonders to keep the body warm all over. I got my mother a warm fluffy bed jacket (you know, the old-fashioned kind) to wear at the nursing home. I liked it so much that I got one for myself.

There have been so many good suggestions given already. The question is, will your mother be open to implementing any of them?
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vickyl Jan 2019
thanks for all the good advice the only problem is just like you asked and that's the really big problem, she is not open to any suggestions right now, her only solution is to get mad and say something is wrong with the heating system which we have checked and it is only a couple of years old. so hoping warmer weather will be arriving soon or she will be fixated on something different next week. again thanks for the feedback.
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vickyl, your Mom is actually feeling cold, that can be uncomfortable and even painful to an elder unless the room is toasty warm.

My Mom always had their thermostat up to 78-82, and Mom would still be dressed like she was going up to the North Pole.... yet my Dad, one would find him wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and no shoes because he was way too warm.

Feeling cold happens when one has a thyroid condition. My Mom had that. So does my sig other who feels chilled. When he wants to raise the heat, I grumble maybe he should put on a sweater or put shoes on over his socks.

One huge hint to keep warmer, tuck in that shirt into one's pants. It will make a HUGE difference. And to put on shoes over knee socks. Thermo under garments are also a great help. My Mom wore thermos all year round.

One time my Dad changed all the old fashioned light bulbs with the new twisty energy lights. Dad was so proud thinking of the money he would save every years. Oops. Mom started to feel even colder sitting in her reading chair next to her lamp. Well, the old fashioned light bulbs would put out heat. the new ones didn't. So guess what, Dad had to crank up the thermostat even higher.

Oh, hated those programmable thermostats. Had to replaced my parent's with a regular old fashioned thermostat as when Dad had gotten older, he could no longer figure out how to use the programs, and everything got mixed up. I also tossed out my programmable thermostat and got a regular one. Whew, one less complication in my life.
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there are some really ultra thin, silky long johns that slide off and on easily, look good and keep you warm underneath whatever else is piled on top. My mom liked the silky feel so much she didn’t grumble about wearing them.
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freqflyer Jan 2019
My Mom use to buy Duddl-Duds, very light weight and they worked :)
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There are a few things you can do to help keep an elder warm and still reduce the heating bill. Some of these might be helpful for your mother.

A humidifier (either whole house or a couple of stand alone units) will make the house feel warmer at a lower temperature since heat dries the air.

Keeping the skin well moisturized with lotions and cremes reduces the body's heat loss.

Layered clothing helps too - either wearing a silk legging lying close to the skin under pants and a sweater or two shirts (usually one short sleeve and one long sleeve) or a throw blanket over the legs when sitting. The layers don't need to be heavy, just one layer close to the skin and a second looser layer over it.

A small ceramic heater placed in the room(s) your mother occupies most can raise the temperature in those rooms.

Close off the vents and shut the curtains and doors on extra bedrooms when no one is using them. Close curtains or blinds over all the windows during cold nights.

A programmable thermostat that reduces the house temperature 6-10 degrees overnight when everyone is beneath the bed covers can have a significant impact on the bill. If your mother gets up at night but stays in her bedroom, use the ceramic heater to keep her room and bath warm.

Is there an exterior door that feels cold to the touch or has a draft? Use a push-rod (they make them now with a piece that will fit into the space between the door and frame) to place a curtain and cover the door to the floor, all winter if you don't use it much or only at night if you do.

As my mother aged she began to dislike any air flow directly on her (even heated air) so you may want to consider covers that direct the vent air away from your mother.

If funds and energy are available, consider installing energy saving blinds or curtains (particularly over large windows), replacing drafty windows or add some new winter stripping to exterior door. Some older steel doors do not have much insulation and a $200 insulated new door in colder climates can pay for itself in one winter.
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Judysai422 Jan 2019
Great ideas except for the ceramic heater....they are huge electricity drains.
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Oh, I forgot: small, electric blankets to throw on your lap and snuggle in while watching TV, or even a hot water bottle on your lap to warm your hands under a small lap blanket.
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What about getting a cheap thermostat and setting it up so you can show her that it is actually working?

We bought a digital one that has 3 sensors and shows the minimum and maximum temperatures.

Is the house brutally hot? Just because the unit is fairly new doesn't mean it couldn't be having a problem. They should be serviced annually for a reason.

You may have to just implement changes to help with the bill without any conversation on her part.

Good luck.
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Buy her several heavy sweaters in colors and or patterns that she would like and have her wear then on top of her other clothing.  You could also try a wool poncho since it does not have arm holes and can be very warm.  My husband has several sweaters that he insists on wearing (he never wore sweaters before) as well as several fleece sweater like tops that he wears constantly.
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She could be anemic. Red meat might help her.
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She could have dementia which prevents her from Understanding things
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Well you’ve gotten all kinds of practical advice. And I hope some of it might work, like the silk under layers, etc. However it seems you want to know how to handle her anger. Why does she even see the bill? Can you have it sent to you or even better, electronically not via snail mail? Your mom will NEVER understand any amount of reasoning on her part due to the dementia. Also her dementia causes her to perseverate on the matter to no end. So my advice is to get it where she won’t see the bill. You can easily sign up for electronic statements and have it sent to your email. Then read up on how to handle diffusing these kinds of discussions. Statements like,"yes that is high mom, I’ll look into it for you". Even though you may have to say it over and over till you’re ready to kick the cat, you are addressing her concerns. Otherwise she thinks you’re arguing with her. Believe me..I’ve been round the bend on the thermostat issue with my dad who could fix anything but couldn’t for the life of him figure out the thermostat in his unit. Reasoning is useless as is arguing. I sure hope this helps.
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disgustedtoo Jan 2019
NO KICKING THE CAT!!!!! =^..^=
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You cannot Fight City Hall and All when it Comes to a Stubborn elderly person, Who is probably in the midst of Dementia or already has it. Tell her Once more either cut it down to 72 or just let her "Chew." Walk away.
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Vicki I sent you a private message
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Levelized billing (if this is an option) with the electric company may help with monthly bill amount. That way she sees approximately the same amount each month. We did that for my mom. Also, perhaps having the statement sent online so she doesn’t see the paper bill.
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Install a thermostat that is timed to turn down at night. And maybe time it to lower for an hour or so in the daytime as well. We did that for my dad. He had the same issue. She would be able to override that setting, if she is too cold.
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Is she paying the bill? You can, as suggested, have your energy bill sent via email, or set it up to be paid automatically. They will still send statements, and if you don't get hold of them first, she will both yell and pay twice. (My mother, who has Alz., no longer understands the concept of autopayment). Is there another family member or friend your mother listens to? Maybe that 3rd party could help you negotiate a lower setting on the thermostat at day, to keep you from melting, and areasonable number at night, like 70.
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These are avoidable stress ion life. With little planning and investment you can avoid the stree for you and mom and focus on her well being. Buy and install nest thermostat or similar ones. Have internet at home with WiFi. Down load the app and control her temperature remotely and set it in timer. These do not cost lot when you look at the big picture. Then you can add on the best camera as another tool to care for her by having a two way conversation etc. educate mom 65 is ideal for the body health. Buy her the right cloth. When cold air touches the skin you sensory reaction is different. Let her ware tight inner cloth which will prevent the cold air touching.
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cwillie Jan 2019
65°!! I am stoically keeping my house at 68° with the help of warm sweaters etc and I am able to get up and move when I get chilled. We all have a different temperature tolerance but I don't think you will find many elders who could adapt to yours!
(as a plus I can comfortably tolerate having my A/C set to 78° in the summer)
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One of the biggest issues I had with my Husband was about temperatures.
He would wear a windbreaker all the time and complain he was cold. I tried to explain that he was sweating and when he took off the windbreaker the air made him feel cold because it was trying to dry off his skin...blah blah blah...
In the winter and as he declined I did turn the heat up just a bit, about 65 and I always had a blanket or a throw for hip to put over his legs and torso.
The choice of clothing is important. I found that Polar Fleece type clothing helped a lot. They kept him warm, were easy to wash and dry, and were easy to change quickly. And they are pretty soft on the skin.

When it comes to temperature and how to keep himself warm I just gave up explaining because to try to explain something to a person with dementia is most of the time a futile act.
Give your Mom one of the individual heated throws that she can adjust for her own comfort. You can get a heated blanket for the bed or even a heated mattress pad. (Do not do the heated mattress pad if she is incontinent)
Do not do the heated products if she is not mobile. And only do the heated blankets and throws if you can monitor the heat and her skin.
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gdaughter Jan 2019
Grandma is right...polar fleece, thermacheck...you can even layer it or get a throw made out of it. Check out Lands End and right now some stuff is on sale, you may find something. Costco had some items like super thin under layer long sleeve tshirt and some items from a company called 32 degrees or similar...felt quite warm when I wore it.
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Does your mother handle her finances or do you? If possible you may want to consider setting up her utilities account on-line and arranging payment through a credit card or checking account. Also go paperless with the statements. That way she won't see them.

She cannot be dissuaded from fixations or unreasonable beliefs. We've learned through experience that sometimes just keeping m-i-l out of the loop is the best way to minimize the stress for all concerned!
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elaineSC Jan 2019
Great answer, Sanibel01.
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My Moms always cold and the best I’ve found for her is to wear a thermal camisole under her sweaters. For her cold little hands I bought a pair of gloves with with the fingers cut off like young girls wear. $3.50 on sale at the drug store and they work great.
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The problem is your mom sees the bill. Does she pay online? If not, setup her utility bill so that it no longer comes to the house. Let mom know that you spoke to the utility company about her high bill and they agreed to address her concerns. If your mom is true to form for most older folks with dementia, she will have very little interest in it once it’s not her task to complete. When she brings it up occasionally, like “was my bill high this month again,” you simply say “no, it was the correct amount.”
i had a terrible time getting control of my dad’s finances, but the second I did, he lost interest in it altogether. He won’t even open junk mail now. He just sits everything in a pile for me.
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Sanibel01 Jan 2019
Great solution IsntEasy! We have found the same to be true with my m-i-l. Once something is not her responsibility or in her line of sight she has no interest in it.
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If you can, have a service technician come in and service the heating system, tell them privately what is happening and then have the thermostat locked at a reasonable temperature. My mom is in assisted living and she is the same way. She keeps her bathroom door closed because she says freezing cold air is coming in her room from the bathroom. Its not true, and this keeps her bathroom chilly because air is not circulating. When she moved from one facility to another she threw out almost all of her sweaters because it was summer time and she thought she didn't need them anymore. Now she wears the same two sweaters over the top of light cotton tops & pants. The bottom line is, there is always something that they are not happy about, its hard to hear repeated negativity, but at least it's directed at the power company and not at you.
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elaineSC Jan 2019
I wouldn’t ask somebody to tinker with the thermostat. My parents really were colder than I was and if I turned it down, they were complaining. It was their house, not mine. I let Dad put it on 79 if he liked when I left from visiting or when the caregiver was finished doing her thing and life was easier. Bigger fish to fry with aging parents.
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