Hello
I posted her a few months back about difficult mother in law that was verbally abusive and she was accusing me of stealing from her then finding the items she said I stole from her. Her son, my spouse has asked her not to keep accusing me of taking her things and she says her things are disappearing and I took them. He has talked to her Dr with my MIL in the room and mentioned her behavior towards me, of course she was very angry and yelled at him. Dr is saying she is acting this way because of chronic headaches and neck pain that she has had for years and this is not dementia and doesn't think she needs to have a psych evaluation for it. The Dr is trying again to refer her to a pain specialist to treat her even though it was the same specialist that was not able to help her successfully in the past. The referrals for the specialists could take months if they are covered at all and these Drs may not be able to do anything. She is already on Trazadone and Xanax, but nothing is helping her anger outbursts. What can we do at this point? This woman is 85 years old, Dr says she only has chronic pain but she is real pain to live with, so far she has been yelling and screaming at my husband and me and has not hit either of us but my husband told me she was close to slapping his face. She is making me stressed out. Any advice?
There are meds that can be given for agitation and there are anti-psychotics that can help with paranoia and delusions. I think that it is cruel to allow MIL to be subjected to such PSYCHIC pain without relief.
I would absent myself from such a situation
Your husband says she cannot live alone, why not? Is she mostly capable of taking care of herself? An ALF may be appropriate for her in order to get the two of you out of the abusive situation. The anger and her accusing you of thievery are not necessarily signs of dementia. Other than anger and accusations can she pretty much take care of herself or not? Does she eat by herself, bathe regularly, dress appropriately, seem rational other than the anger, not recognize familiar things? There are many signs of dementia, not just memory issues. So if you can't address the pain and anger issue you might start looking at care facilities to separate you from the situation and to better monitor MILs health.