Follow
Share

Hello
I posted her a few months back about difficult mother in law that was verbally abusive and she was accusing me of stealing from her then finding the items she said I stole from her. Her son, my spouse has asked her not to keep accusing me of taking her things and she says her things are disappearing and I took them. He has talked to her Dr with my MIL in the room and mentioned her behavior towards me, of course she was very angry and yelled at him. Dr is saying she is acting this way because of chronic headaches and neck pain that she has had for years and this is not dementia and doesn't think she needs to have a psych evaluation for it. The Dr is trying again to refer her to a pain specialist to treat her even though it was the same specialist that was not able to help her successfully in the past. The referrals for the specialists could take months if they are covered at all and these Drs may not be able to do anything. She is already on Trazadone and Xanax, but nothing is helping her anger outbursts. What can we do at this point? This woman is 85 years old, Dr says she only has chronic pain but she is real pain to live with, so far she has been yelling and screaming at my husband and me and has not hit either of us but my husband told me she was close to slapping his face. She is making me stressed out. Any advice?

Find Care & Housing
Kat, asking her doctor for a referral to a different pain specialist probably won’t seem like changing doctors to your MIL or to DH. Most doctor-patient relationships are with the GP, who won’t change – certainly not immediately.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to MargaretMcKen
Report

Xanax and trazodone? These are depression and anxiety meds. Why were they prescribed? What is she taking for the pain? I think if I had chronic pain that wasn't addressed I, too, would probably become angry at the situation. She could feel frustrated at not being able to control the pain. She may feel a sense of hopelessness in knowing this will never go away. I would seek out a doctor who specializes in pain management.`

Your husband says she cannot live alone, why not? Is she mostly capable of taking care of herself? An ALF may be appropriate for her in order to get the two of you out of the abusive situation. The anger and her accusing you of thievery are not necessarily signs of dementia. Other than anger and accusations can she pretty much take care of herself or not? Does she eat by herself, bathe regularly, dress appropriately, seem rational other than the anger, not recognize familiar things? There are many signs of dementia, not just memory issues. So if you can't address the pain and anger issue you might start looking at care facilities to separate you from the situation and to better monitor MILs health.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to sjplegacy
Report

Have you considered leaving this abusive situation?

There are meds that can be given for agitation and there are anti-psychotics that can help with paranoia and delusions. I think that it is cruel to allow MIL to be subjected to such PSYCHIC pain without relief.

I would absent myself from such a situation
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn
Report

It sounds like you are stuck with MIL and she won’t change doctors, but her symptoms do sound like dementia. There is a lot of information on the site about dementia. Click on Care Topics at the top right of the screen, then click on D for Dementia on the alphabet that comes up, and you will see articles plus old questions and discussions. I get the impression that there is very little a doctor can usually do about dementia, so perhaps you can use the information without getting her tested. Regarding the pain, can you ask for a referral to a different specialist than she saw last time? It might help more. Best wishes, Margaret
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to MargaretMcKen
Report

Yes we are living with her, my husband says she cannot live alone anymore, and since we both lost our jobs due to COVID.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to kat1944
Report

I think she needs a different doctor, this one sounds way off base to me. And either you or your husband deserve the verbal abuse, no matter how she’s feeling
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report
kat1944 Nov 6, 2020
I agree, my husband tells me to let it go in one ear and out the other. I said no she is abusing us, I dont think chronic pain is the only reason she is verbally abusive, I think the Dr misdiagnosed her and she needs to see another Dr to get a correct diagnosis but she refuses to change Drs and my husband doesnt want to push her to change Drs
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
Is you're MIL living with you? Or . .are you and you're husband living with her?
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Blue24
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter