My mother in law wants to be treated as an invalid. Even though she's capable of doing things she does NOTHING!!! What do I do?

Follow
Share

She had gotten sick three years ago at that time I had to do everything. She has been fine ever since but won't do the simplest things,example...I cant buckle my seatbelt,do it for me. She does 2 things eat constantly and vegetate in front of the TV. Meanwhile I am a 24 hr caretaker for my (really) disabled husband,her son. she will not do anything to help him either. She has gained over 100lbs in the last year but swears shes losing weight. She has no other family than my husband so she lives with us.I am doing absolutely everything and then some and she is mean and miserable to both of us, she is sucking the lifeblood out of me. She will not go to any social event and is here 24/7 and never ever pleasant, I have no way of getting out of this for even an hour at my wits end, my blood pressure is sky rocketing from stress. I've been told I have to take care of myself, I want to be here for my husband and he needs 24hr assistance. Anything said to her is taken as an attack, she is completely unreasonable. What do I do with Miss Piggy, I cant throw her out?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
14

Answers

Show:
Your husband, if he is mentally fit, needs to be the one to talk to HIS mother. I know, some people just can't. But he needs to be on your side. Can she get an apartment in elderly housing, with meals on wheels? You need her out of your home. Your husband needs to support you, since I am sure he loves you as much as you love him.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Call your local area agency on aging!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Gosh youre not superhuman are you? Good for you I just couldnt do what you do. I think your husband should SQUEAK UP does he not see how tired you must be? My mum was NEVER like that until the last two years thats how I knew something was up I agree that either she has some form of dementia and cant handle doing normal everyday stuff OR shes takng the piss. I am here on my own with my mum thank god Its just us I really feel for you. I would get here checked out for any mental decline AND tell your husband that you just cant look after both its really unfair you cannot continue like this and he needs to see this. Sometimes we need to stand up for ourselves and I think enough is enough!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I totally understand your devotion to your husband, but you need to have a long talk with him regarding his mother and let him know if the situation continues that you will be unable to care for HIM because she has you so exhausted. The Dear Abby saying of "No one can take advantage of you without your permission" rings true here... it's time you put your foot down....and mean it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thanks everyone, just being able to vent and knowing Im not the only one helps tons
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You poor thing, honey. What an amazing woman you are; how blessed is your husband because you stand with him.

Regarding your MIL, call your local Dept of Health and Human Services to see how they can help.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My husbands only sibling is out of her mind and lives in an adult care group home setting. MIL hasnt got money it burns a hole in her pocket. My husband is permanantly disabled wheelchair bound and requires help for transfers dressing ,etc. He will never walk again, he is only 51 years old and there is no way I would put him in a nursing home. He is my best friend in the world,he deserves all the help he needs from me, and I'm willing to give it.I was working outside the home until 7 years ago,I took on full time caregiver role.As far as MIL it doesnt matterwhat food is here she will eat things she doesnt like because shes"starving" definate food addict,she will walk to fridge and bathroom but thats her exersize wont even sit on porch in wonderful weather,theres no winning with her shes eating herself into immobility
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Honey, DRAW boundaries. Tell her that in order for her to live under your roof you need her to be more respectful and give consequences. Regarding her weight gain, who does the food shopping? Who prepares the meals? Only bring healthy food into the house or lock sweets and other away. Eating paleo is a great and healthy way to lose weight. Can she take some swimming classes at the local Y?

Does your MIL have other children besides your husband? If so, have a family meeting to declare truce. Does your MIL have any assets for which to pay for assisted living? Caregivers?

What exactly is wrong with your husband? Does he have a life long illness? Is he in a hospital bed and/or immobile?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You care for your husband 24/7 and don't want to hurt him? Does he expect you to be a doormat to his mommy dearest? What about your feelings and overall health? Do yourself a favor and call Eldercare services to help guide you in finding an alternative place for your MIL. You have no responsibility to this woman and your husband is in no condition to take on her lazy lifestyle care. This situation is jeopardizing your health. Who will take care of your husband if something happens to you? His mommy dearest?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

MIL is 77yrs old,Ive spoken to her doctor about it all....Bottom line is she totally refuses to listen to him, yeses him in the office and does whatever she wants..my hands are tied there. I understand that I'm being a doormat, it is my home. As terrible as it all is I dont want to hurt my husband by tossing his mom to the curb,although she deserves it. I've tied many times to at least get her to at least clean up after herself, it might work for an hour or so then she gets "sick" and she cant breathe and has to sit down, its truly an award winning performance. Bottom line I refuse to live in a pig sty,she would sit in filth and not care. I dont require hospital sterile or anything just tidy. She will drop something or spill something and just walk away from it, when confronted she lies about it and swears shes blamed for everything,always the wounded duck. If it isnt me or my husband who else can it be? there are only 3 folks here
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.