My mother in law wants to be treated as an invalid. Even though she's capable of doing things she does NOTHING!!! What do I do?

It is so frustrating. My mother is also a lazy one. She could do a lot, but sits in front of the TV and snacks. I do everything that needs to be done to keep our lives together. I've often mentioned that she could help, but she goes into her "I hurt" routine. I know she does have pain, but it clears fast when there is something she does want to do. I don't think there is anything that can be done to encourage a lazy person to help around the house. I just do what has to be done to make life more tolerable. The only thing that really bothers me is that after a day of doing everything for both of us, she says things like if I didn't play on the computer so much I would have more time. I remind her I work on the computer. She just smirks and says, "Yeah, if you can call it that."

She ought to be glad I get to play on the computer 2-3 hours a day. I wouldn't be able to afford to take care of her lazy self if I didn't! (Man, that felt good to say.)

Tsoto1, I know exactly where you are coming from. If your MIL is like my mother, lazy has been a lifelong thing. I don't let it bother me as much as it used to, because I know that being industrious and helpful is good. Getting mad about her laziness was just hurting me. So I just do what I need to. I know you need to help your husband and you first and her second. I know that you have no time left over at the end of the day. It is so hard to live for three people. I am glad you are here so you can vent about it.

It sounds like your MIL is depressed or may have some form of dementia - has she been to a doctor lately? If there isn't a medical/mental reason for her behavior, you CAN lay down the law - it is your home. Let her know that you will no longer be her servant, and that you will be happy to help her find her own place if she cannot comply.

I don't know what to say! This is an awful situation for you.

Does she walk OK? I assume you do all the cooking. I wonder what you have tried to get her to act better. Does she yell? Can you send her to her room? Shouldn't your husband lay down the law to her, since she's his mother?

Is your husband on disability and medicaid? Can Medicaid send someone once or twice a week so you can at least get out?

Tsoto1, can you give a little more background? How old is MiL?Does she have a diagnosed illness, mental or physical? If you are truly doing 'everything' for her, I'd suggest you take a step back. If she wants something to eat, kindly tell her you can't help right now, she can help herself. Ditto on other tasks she can reasonably do. e.g. if you've washed/dried her laundry, give her the basket to fold and put away. Or at least fold and then you can move it to her room for her. So-o it may sit there for a while, but if you keep pushing (gently) back, she may do more. You won't be able to make all the changes at once, but there will never be any changes as long as you keep doing. And frankly, if she is overweight and you don't get her a snack, it won't hurt her. Ditto for her clothes not being folded for a while or put away. UNDERSTAND, like with a child, you will feel that you might as well just do it yourself. She has you well trained! Look at what she is eating. Poor choices? Stop bringing them into the house. She can't buckle her seat belt, stand there and direct her on it. Suggest that if she can't buckle it, perhaps she will have to stay home. Go for a good walk every day to relieve your stress. Quietly leave the room when she starts to be miserable towards you. I know you can do these things, but you have to stop being her door mat.

You care for your husband 24/7 and don't want to hurt him? Does he expect you to be a doormat to his mommy dearest? What about your feelings and overall health? Do yourself a favor and call Eldercare services to help guide you in finding an alternative place for your MIL. You have no responsibility to this woman and your husband is in no condition to take on her lazy lifestyle care. This situation is jeopardizing your health. Who will take care of your husband if something happens to you? His mommy dearest?

Honey, DRAW boundaries. Tell her that in order for her to live under your roof you need her to be more respectful and give consequences. Regarding her weight gain, who does the food shopping? Who prepares the meals? Only bring healthy food into the house or lock sweets and other away. Eating paleo is a great and healthy way to lose weight. Can she take some swimming classes at the local Y?

Does your MIL have other children besides your husband? If so, have a family meeting to declare truce. Does your MIL have any assets for which to pay for assisted living? Caregivers?

What exactly is wrong with your husband? Does he have a life long illness? Is he in a hospital bed and/or immobile?

My husbands only sibling is out of her mind and lives in an adult care group home setting. MIL hasnt got money it burns a hole in her pocket. My husband is permanantly disabled wheelchair bound and requires help for transfers dressing ,etc. He will never walk again, he is only 51 years old and there is no way I would put him in a nursing home. He is my best friend in the world,he deserves all the help he needs from me, and I'm willing to give it.I was working outside the home until 7 years ago,I took on full time caregiver role.As far as MIL it doesnt matterwhat food is here she will eat things she doesnt like because shes"starving" definate food addict,she will walk to fridge and bathroom but thats her exersize wont even sit on porch in wonderful weather,theres no winning with her shes eating herself into immobility

You poor thing, honey. What an amazing woman you are; how blessed is your husband because you stand with him.

Regarding your MIL, call your local Dept of Health and Human Services to see how they can help.

Thanks everyone, just being able to vent and knowing Im not the only one helps tons

I totally understand your devotion to your husband, but you need to have a long talk with him regarding his mother and let him know if the situation continues that you will be unable to care for HIM because she has you so exhausted. The Dear Abby saying of "No one can take advantage of you without your permission" rings true here... it's time you put your foot down....and mean it.