My mother-in-law is not bathing nor is she brushing her teeth. Any tips on how to navigate this?

As the dementia in our loved one progresses so must our caregiving. You now know that your MIL, when left to her own devices, won't/can't perform her activities of daily living. She now needs more care to take care of her personal hygiene. You can try verbal cues, "Hey mom, let's go into the bathroom and get you spruced up and ready to face the day." Then you may have to walk her into the bathroom and see to it that she completes her tasks such as brushing her teeth and bathing.

At night you'll have to take her into her room and make sure she puts on her p.j.'s. Take them out and urge your MIL to undress and change her clothes.

Caregivers are trained in how to give verbal cues. You might want to pass the word along to your caregivers that MIL is now unable to get herself going in the morning and will need extra help.

Call her doctor and report this. The doctor can order a bath aide. They (the bath aides) SO know how to get this accomplished!

Oh, yes. My mother pulled those stunts and that is exactly what they were. After caring for her, killed my sister, she went to the NH and low and behold - is just fine. Dressed, showered, hair done and nails manicured. She is 95 and quite with it, but my sister babied her and let Mother get away with not even eating a healthy
meal. It sounds like it is time for full time care, for your sake and your MIL.

Some more thoughts. Does she have arthritis in her hands? If so, I found that buttons and bra hooks present such difficulties that she wasn't dressing properly. I have found that VELCRO fastening on blouses is a God-send and I just help her with her bra. They make front fastening bras, with hooks and loops, but she would still have trouble with um..straightening things out. So we haven't gone that route yet. Elastic waist pants are the only kind we buy anymore and loafers are her shoe of choice. I talked about this because if she has problems with her fingers or her balance, changing her clothes may just be too much trouble for her, and the lack of bathing is just a side effect of that. MIL is greatly offended if I tell her she smells, so I use other methods to achieve my goal, but I will tell you that what works one day, may not work the next. Personally, I cannot imagine a worse way to age. Well, maybe if there was excruciating pain involved, that would be worse. But her arthritis in her knees and hips is pretty painful too. Just makes her miserable. And totally losing her independence? Not the way she would've wanted it either. Sigh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm in a mood today.

Just a comment to freqflyer. Years ago you used to be able to buy perfume scented talcum powder at any dime store or drug store, but not so much anymore. And when you do find it, it's not cheap. We just use baby powder, but I have often thought of the stand-by gift of my youth - sets of cologne and talcum powder. Emeraude was a favorite in my family and I still think of how my grandmothers and aunts smelled so good!

i have tried this gentle reminding, and she just gets nasty and says get out. i get it she is embarrased i even have offered to make a list for her on the steps she needs to take. As for the caregiver i made a basket with everything she would need in the shower and this lady still cant seem to get it done. i am at a loss mil just says she can do it on her own and if i force her she runs for the door.

I've read about disposable washing cloths that one uses without having to get into a bath or shower.

And those *bum* cleaning wipes that are being advertised on TV, I use something similar for myself and they are great [I even use it on an overweight cat who can't quite reach where she needs to groom herself]. Even though the carton says flushable, I wouldn't recommend flushing it down the toilet.

Decades ago I remember how the older ladies use to smell of roses, either from a perfume or a talc. Wonder if Mom or MIL would use the talc, or would she empty the whole container during one use?

txcamper, ah yes.... I also remember Tabu, Sharimar (sp), and Chantilly :)

There's a reason we can't get those lovely smelling talcums anymore....they've been found to cause cervical cancer, because women put them *down there*. It's a shame - I loved scented powders, but you can't get them anymore.

Susan, oh my gosh... when I saw your post I quickly did some research and found info from the American Cancer Society. Talc in it's natural form contains asbestos which we know can be harmful if inhaled on a regular basis.... talc for home use has been asbestos free since the 1970's.

As for talc causing cervical or ovarian cancer, the jury is still out as to how much of a risk. If one likes to use powder all over themselves, so far corn starch power has been risk free.

Good heavens, I wonder what will be next? Scary cosmetics? I would never leave the house without my eye liner or lipstick.