My MIL (90) is going for a biopsy tomorrow for a large rectal growth, the doctor is pretty sure is cancer. Treatment yes or no?

Putting a 90-year-old under anesthesia is risky. You're not liable to get the same person back as her baseline will most likely change. Her new status will become the primary issue and muddy the waters as far as making a decision go.

If it were my dad I wouldn't encourage him to have the test done to begin with. A 90 year old does not bounce back after anesthesia. And what if it is cancer? Is this old woman going to have chemo or radiation? Of course not! I'd skip the test altogether, thank the Dr. for the information, and move on.

Stop right where you are. Before you do anything, call up the doctor and ask, what happens if we do nothing, no test, no treatment. then ask, if this IS cancer, what is the treatment? What kind of surgery? Radiation or chemo after?

The rule in geriatrics, I'm told is: If you're not going to do the treatment, don't do the test. Especially if the test if painful. 18 months ago, someone wanted my 89 year old mom to have a bone marrow biopsy. We ended up doing a full body CAT scan instead. We were most assuredly NOT going to do any surgery, chemo or radiation.

There is a school of thought, that even the biopsy not be done. It's hard if your MIL cannot express her own wishes. You are right, in that this kind of thing can be the start of a decline, no more enjoyment of life.

Get a second opinion from an elder specialist, and the 3 of you decide, including your MIL as much as possible.

Good news, the cancer has not spread the only growth is in her rectum and they think they can get rid of it with a few radiation treatments or at least shrink it so removal would be outpatient...so great news for my MIL and us ;-)

Why prolong a life if you have to cut short the quality of an elderly person's life. I had to make that decision on behalf of my mother. My mother passed away peacefully with her dignity and quality of life still intact, the way she wanted.

Putting a 90-year-old under anesthesia is risky. You're not liable to get the same person back as her baseline will most likely change. Her new status will become the primary issue and muddy the waters as far as making a decision go.

If it were my dad I wouldn't encourage him to have the test done to begin with. A 90 year old does not bounce back after anesthesia. And what if it is cancer? Is this old woman going to have chemo or radiation? Of course not! I'd skip the test altogether, thank the Dr. for the information, and move on.

In my Mother's case, it is making a difference that she has dementia. You say her mind is going. It seems to take the ability to see beyond the operation to a better state of health to be motivated through the surgery. This my Mother cannot conceive - for her its about the moment. My Brother as a doctor is exploring every surgical option, getting opinions from across Canada and the US - and trying to convince the local surgeons to do a tricky bowel resection on my Mum who's 95. But they are resisting. I find that it is all information and good if I do not let them control the process by one thing leading to another. Mum is currently very happy and in no pain - so her quality of life is very high. If we did the prep for the operation she would not tolerate it well - as she could not understand why she needed it. So for the moment I am praying for mercy and preparing for what might come. With the POC I have advocated for Mum to not have the colonoscopy / biopsy and we have been tracking her with CAT scans every two or three months to see if the mass is getting larger. (She will not tolerate MRI - claustrophobia) Currently, although the "mass" is large it does not seem to be growing. So we are in a holding pattern and I am seeing what the chances are of putting in an emergency stent if there was a blockage down the road. We keep her blood iron up by giving her FERAMAX each day and lots of eggs - then a transfusion every few months when her HG goes below 75. So far we've had a great year with this strategy - long may it last. Best wishes - will keep you in my thoughts.

I see it from both of your sides but I think you need to tell your husband that this is his call and you will support him in whatever he decides....that is unless his mother has a Trust or Health Care Directives where she has stated what she wishes to do. He may want to discuss this with her as well if she is of sound mind. She may flat out say "No I do not want any type of surgery" and then you have the answer.

My mother had dementia and it is my understanding that every surgery causes some cognitive decline. My mother sworn her entire life that every surgery she underwent took away a piece of her mental abilities and she said she never felt like she gained it back.

You understand what his mother is facing because you experience it with your mother currently. He is not seeing it, what he sees is losing his mother, which he will eventually, but he does not want to do it now. This is a hard decision to make because she is in relatively good health now but that will not always be the case. I think he needs to talk to the doctor about pros and cons, talk to his mother and talk to all siblings, there needs to be a consensus among everyone.

Who is her POA? Putting the Directives into action can be painful but they are your MIL's wishes. When they pass away due to whatever the illness may be, you still feel guilty, but if you have everyone on the same page, it makes it all so much easier.

God Bless You All!

I have found it useful in dealing with my 90 year old mom (with vascular dementia and chf), asking doctors, "what would you do if this was your parent?". " Keep her comfortable and happy" is the answer we usually get.

The MRI (was repeated due to the first one not being clear) and the CT scan was done. They have set an appointment to go over the results yet. I am up to my elbows right now with my mom and my husband is her POA. I am just praying his decisions will be from his head and not his heart. I will stand right beside him in whatever. I am basically as of today decided I am losing my mind anyway........Thank you for all your answers you guys are always the best