Can you give us more information about your MIL? How old is she? It sounds like she probably has some kind of dementia. If so, is she taking any medications, because it sounds like she may benefit from some anti-anxiety medications. Please tell us more about your situation, so you can get some better answers.
I agree with Blannie, above, sounds like some type of dementia/Alzheimer's. Go to these articles on AgingCare https://www.agingcare.com/Alzheimers-Dementia and scroll down to the articles.
She is 84. She also has COPD. She takes an anti depressant. She hasn't been diagnosed with dementia or alzheimer's yet. We are taking her especially after this weekend. She insists that I have told her to move and it has never happened. It really hurts my feelings. Her doctor can't write her a rx for this because she only weighs 80 lbs. We can barley get her to eat even when she is taking Marinol ( not sure how to spell). Thank you.
Jeramoran, it sounds like your MIL is "confabulating." This is a very common symptom with all kinds of dementias:
"At its simplest, people who confabulate provide information, or act based on information, that is obviously false. These people are genuinely unaware that the information is wrong.
A number of disorders can cause confabulations, including Korsakoff’s syndrome, ruptured aneurisms of the anterior or posterior communicating artery, subarachnoid hemorrhage, encephalitis, traumatic brain injuries, brain tumors, Binswanger’s encephalopathy, multiple sclerosis, and psychotic disorders. Confabulation is often seen in dementia patients, although it has not been extensively studied in this particular group; and to my knowledge, the studies that have been done have focused exclusively on early-stage dementia."
Note that early sentence -- these patients are genuinely unaware that their information is patently wrong. Earlier on in my Mom's dementia she would come up with the strangest stories, such as one about a young man who was watching her outside of her building. The man was somehow related to a cousin who lives overseas, and according to her he was watching her to ask for money. I asked her how she knew this and she said she just knew. After a few weeks she said he ran off because he saw me and how big I was and was afraid. I asked her why she didn't point him out when he saw me, and she said I wasn't there. So how could he see me? She shook her head angrily and told me to stop confusing her. But somehow, in her dementia-wracked mind, her confabulation made all kinds of sense and was eminently rational.
Try to distance yourself from your MIL's confabulations. I know it's tough and you're going through emotional hell. Perhaps not replying and just talking about something else is a tack you could take. Try everything and see what works. Dementia is a horrible, horrible disease that so many of us caregivers must endure. Stay strong and share your pain so we can help alleviate some of it.
Thank you so much! It does make me feel better knowing it's not just us that are going through all of this. You are correct about it being a horrible, horrible disease. A year ago she was a COMPLETELY different person. Active, dressed to a T everyday,and spunky. Now it's just so different. We love her so much and feel so sorry that we can't just make it better. I'm sure I will be back. We need the support.
This is just a supposition, but I've noticed that anxieties often reflect fears not otherwise expressed, such as that she's afraid you want her to move and she might have to live alone or in a facility.
The fears that people develop as they age aren't ones that I think younger people realize or have - we're more secure in our physical abilities, financial situation, home situation and most of us generally don't worry about being homeless.
And probably until recent years, we didn't worry about developing dementia either.
Your mother may be experiencing something like this - anxiety that she may at some time become homeless or not be able to live with family.
I've noticed myself that I'm more anxious about winter travel now that my father is older and is on oxygen. Driving in winter never really bothered me until the last year or so, but this year much more.
She hasn't been diagnosed with dementia or alzheimer's yet. We are taking her especially after this weekend. She insists that I have told her to move and it has never happened. It really hurts my feelings. Her doctor can't write her a rx for this because she only weighs 80 lbs. We can barley get her to eat even when she is taking Marinol ( not sure how to spell). Thank you.
"At its simplest, people who confabulate provide information, or act based on information, that is obviously false. These people are genuinely unaware that the information is wrong.
A number of disorders can cause confabulations, including Korsakoff’s syndrome, ruptured aneurisms of the anterior or posterior communicating artery, subarachnoid hemorrhage, encephalitis, traumatic brain injuries, brain tumors, Binswanger’s encephalopathy, multiple sclerosis, and psychotic disorders. Confabulation is often seen in dementia patients, although it has not been extensively studied in this particular group; and to my knowledge, the studies that have been done have focused exclusively on early-stage dementia."
Note that early sentence -- these patients are genuinely unaware that their information is patently wrong. Earlier on in my Mom's dementia she would come up with the strangest stories, such as one about a young man who was watching her outside of her building. The man was somehow related to a cousin who lives overseas, and according to her he was watching her to ask for money. I asked her how she knew this and she said she just knew. After a few weeks she said he ran off because he saw me and how big I was and was afraid. I asked her why she didn't point him out when he saw me, and she said I wasn't there. So how could he see me? She shook her head angrily and told me to stop confusing her. But somehow, in her dementia-wracked mind, her confabulation made all kinds of sense and was eminently rational.
Try to distance yourself from your MIL's confabulations. I know it's tough and you're going through emotional hell. Perhaps not replying and just talking about something else is a tack you could take. Try everything and see what works. Dementia is a horrible, horrible disease that so many of us caregivers must endure. Stay strong and share your pain so we can help alleviate some of it.
You are correct about it being a horrible, horrible disease. A year ago she was a COMPLETELY different person. Active, dressed to a T everyday,and spunky. Now it's just so different. We love her so much and feel so sorry that we can't just make it better.
I'm sure I will be back. We need the support.
The fears that people develop as they age aren't ones that I think younger people realize or have - we're more secure in our physical abilities, financial situation, home situation and most of us generally don't worry about being homeless.
And probably until recent years, we didn't worry about developing dementia either.
Your mother may be experiencing something like this - anxiety that she may at some time become homeless or not be able to live with family.
I've noticed myself that I'm more anxious about winter travel now that my father is older and is on oxygen. Driving in winter never really bothered me until the last year or so, but this year much more.