No one with mobility issues should be on the third floor. The first thing you need to do is rearrange the first floor living space so she can be on the first floor.
Then get a medic alert so any change of posture will trigger a response from the monitoring company. If she falls and the first alert people (such as the family) aren't available, they can call the police or EMS to respond.
Get a lockbox for the exterior of the house; mount it directly into the studs and put a house key in. This will allow EMS or the police to get inside in an emergency.
I would also get internal sensors and cameras to help with the indoor monitoring.
Put grab bars along the routes she'll need to travel on the first floor; get some kind of portable bed if you can't bring down on of the regular beds.
If you don't have a bathroom on the first floor, then get a commode.
To get her to a doctor, SAFELY, contact the local transit agency and ask if they have paratransit, door to door or point to point services. It's described differently in different areas but these vehicles are typically equipped with wheelchair lifts so people with compromised mobility can just sit in their wheelchair and be hydraulically lifted into the vehicle.
When you do get her to a doctor's office, ask for a script for home care. She can have PT at home. She really needs to get therapy for her mobility or she'll be worse, very quickly.
If she doesn't have a walker or rollator, get her one, as soon as you can get her to a doctor, including an orthopedic one.
Your husband is in denial. She needs help and she needs it NOW.
If I had mobility issues and was confined to one floor, I'd be more than depressed.
TMB makes a good point that I didn't think of, i.e., that your husband is in denial. If he could accompany her to a doctor's visit, he could get a better idea of what she's facing.
It may also be that he doesn't really know what to do or where to start. You might have to be the guide on this.
First issue though is to get her down to the first floor. Being trapped on a third floor is a definite safety hazard. If you need support, ask the police or fire department to opinion on this issue.
How terribly sad. I'm sure your husband cares deeply for his Mom, maybe he is not able to accept her deteriorating condition or perhaps he believes he is honoring her wishes. Have you talked to your state Elder Services? Perhaps they can guide you.
CK, I can't emphasize how dangerous this is, even if your husband is taking a head in the sand approach. How would he feel if she fell down the stairs, or if a fire broke out as Pam suggested? He could possibly be criminally charged since he failed to provide a safe environment.
Even if there is no space, something has to give and this poor lonely woman needs to be safer.
What you could also do is anonymously contact APS and advise that she's living in an unsafe environment. I'd hate to do that to a husband, but the bigger picture here is your MIL's safety.
And even though that's the priority, the secondary issue is whether he's going to take an intransigent attitude on other issues relating to her care. If so, I foresee a lot of battles ahead.
Is there anyone to whom your husband listens? Family member? Good friend?
I know it may sound daft but have you considered a stairlift? They have arms and you can also have a safety belt to hold them in place as long as they can sit upright (my mum can't). They aren't cheap but you might be able to get a second hand one and you can sell them later then move her down one floor and put a commode in her room and a wash stand for hygiene or a bowl on a tb le or wet wipes or even hand gel although that last is not so good for extended use - YOU MUST wash your hands after the third use or bacteria starts to grow on the gel which rather defeats the point of its use.
Could an Occupational therapist (or whatever you call this particular OT in the USA) come and visit the home WHILE HUBBY IS THERE and advocate what a) Must be there b) should be there c) what would be useful d) what else you could consider
For then and only then can you plan for her safety and possibly your husband will learn that she is not immortal. I am not being flippant here but a lot of people stay in denial not recognising that the final stages of life can come quickly
If the first floor isn't going to work out, then she'll need to be placed in a group home or nursing home - ASAP - where there's usually a nurse practitioner or doctor seeing patients regularly. If this is too expensive, another option is to get her into a groundfloor apartment and hire round-the-clock caregiving or to stretch the dollars, either you or your husband or some family member can be with her part of the day. Depending on where you live, there can be non-emergency transport for wheelchair-bound or people suffering from other mobility challenges. Where we live, it's a little pricey but is affordable occasionally. Arrangements about your MIL's situation needs to be made ASAP because if there was an emergency and access to her is a problem, her doctor may want to why is it his patient with serious mobility challenges is not in an environment suited for her irreversible condition. Is your husband ready to give an answer to Adult Protection Services if the doctor or someone else calls them to report his mother is not in a safe environment? This can get ugly very fast.
That why I suggested the OT Debs - mum isn't suitable for a stairlift - she WAS....when the OT came but when she did an assessment she said it wasn't suitable because of mums declining posture. While it would have been great for a year (actually slightly more but who's counting) in the long term it would become unsuitable hence us moving not adapting.
IF we had had one Mum could have retained the use of her bedroom upstairs and had a commode and washstand downstairs.
My real concern is with that level of lack of mobility is this woman safe to be left alone and only an OT can tell you that for sure. The one thing that they will be interested in apart from everyday stuff is .... in the event of an incident can she get out of the house to safety. Mum can't now if she were alone in the house and to that end if I DO have to go out and there was an incident alert then the response services know there is a vulnerable person in need at this address
Then get a medic alert so any change of posture will trigger a response from the monitoring company. If she falls and the first alert people (such as the family) aren't available, they can call the police or EMS to respond.
Get a lockbox for the exterior of the house; mount it directly into the studs and put a house key in. This will allow EMS or the police to get inside in an emergency.
I would also get internal sensors and cameras to help with the indoor monitoring.
Put grab bars along the routes she'll need to travel on the first floor; get some kind of portable bed if you can't bring down on of the regular beds.
If you don't have a bathroom on the first floor, then get a commode.
To get her to a doctor, SAFELY, contact the local transit agency and ask if they have paratransit, door to door or point to point services. It's described differently in different areas but these vehicles are typically equipped with wheelchair lifts so people with compromised mobility can just sit in their wheelchair and be hydraulically lifted into the vehicle.
When you do get her to a doctor's office, ask for a script for home care. She can have PT at home. She really needs to get therapy for her mobility or she'll be worse, very quickly.
If she doesn't have a walker or rollator, get her one, as soon as you can get her to a doctor, including an orthopedic one.
Your husband is in denial. She needs help and she needs it NOW.
If I had mobility issues and was confined to one floor, I'd be more than depressed.
It may also be that he doesn't really know what to do or where to start. You might have to be the guide on this.
First issue though is to get her down to the first floor. Being trapped on a third floor is a definite safety hazard. If you need support, ask the police or fire department to opinion on this issue.
Even if there is no space, something has to give and this poor lonely woman needs to be safer.
What you could also do is anonymously contact APS and advise that she's living in an unsafe environment. I'd hate to do that to a husband, but the bigger picture here is your MIL's safety.
And even though that's the priority, the secondary issue is whether he's going to take an intransigent attitude on other issues relating to her care. If so, I foresee a lot of battles ahead.
Is there anyone to whom your husband listens? Family member? Good friend?
Could an Occupational therapist (or whatever you call this particular OT in the USA) come and visit the home WHILE HUBBY IS THERE and advocate what
a) Must be there
b) should be there
c) what would be useful
d) what else you could consider
For then and only then can you plan for her safety and possibly your husband will learn that she is not immortal. I am not being flippant here but a lot of people stay in denial not recognising that the final stages of life can come quickly
IF we had had one Mum could have retained the use of her bedroom upstairs and had a commode and washstand downstairs.
My real concern is with that level of lack of mobility is this woman safe to be left alone and only an OT can tell you that for sure. The one thing that they will be interested in apart from everyday stuff is .... in the event of an incident can she get out of the house to safety. Mum can't now if she were alone in the house and to that end if I DO have to go out and there was an incident alert then the response services know there is a vulnerable person in need at this address
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