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Dee, read what you have written. There’s no question but by writing to us means you have concerns.

You live with your mom and are her caregiver? Has she been diagnosed with dementia? Personal hygiene, in some people who suffer from dementia, can be the first to go. Unfortunately, it is not acceptable to those of us who have to care for them and/or live with them. The chance of infection skyrockets from the bacteria that grows and marinates on their skin. An abrasion, cut or sore can let this bacteria into their body and cause a life-threatening infection.

You can try to deal with this on your own. Buy some pretty towels, soaps or body wash, powder and shampoo in Mom’s favorite scents, play her favorite music, fill the bath with nice warm water if she doesn’t like showers.be positive and encouraging about how much better she will feel once she’s all nice and clean. And, she will most likely tell you to go to Hell and take a flying one on the way. Anyone who hasn’t washed her hair or showered in 4 years isn’t going to fall for that.

Its time to at least call her doctor for help. She needs to be evaluated for dementia if she hasn’t already. If she has, meds might need to be adjusted.

As for the Depends, get some plastic gloves at the drug store and make sure you do a sweep daily. If Mom lives alone, you may need to go once a day to do this. Inconvenient? Yes. Necessary? Double yes.
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If she resists cleaning up, create an event to go to with her, maybe buy her a new outfit for it and remind her she needs to take a shower and be presentable. I've tried this with my 97-yr old aunt and it works most of the time (but no new outfit every time). Good luck!
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Yes, as Ahmijoy stated she does need to be assessed for sure. In the meantime, not sure how old your mom is but a bath may not be a good idea due to risk of accident. Another friend of mine hires someone (a trained caregiver that works for a reputable place) to come in once a week to get her reluctant mom in the shower and it mostly goes easier.
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Have you talked to her about why? Could she be having issues with the water running over her face? Maybe you can help her or hire an aid. She might be afraid of falling, does she have a shower chair?

A good occupational therapist can help you get her home set up to minimize risk. Check with her doctor about prescribing one.

The scary thing is that bad hygiene and depends can lead to UTI, untreated can go septic and kill her.

Ahmijoy is correct, she needs assessment from her doctor to find out if she is mentally impaired.

Best of luck, this is a tough situation. Hugs!
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