She had the surgery on May 10. The surgery was very long and extensive, but went well enough. She came to the room that evening, and I could already see the anesthesia effects on her. Making weird motions with her hands, saying a lot of weird things. She was happy and ate some Jell-O.
yesterday I showed up and she started fussing to go home and demanding pain pills from home. In spite of the fact the nurse is already giving her pain pills. She then began fighting with the nurses over the dosage and refusing them when they were trying to give them to her.
A rehab doctor came and evaluated her when I questioned her discharge. He said because PT wrote that she can walk with a walker, that insurance will not pay for rehab.
This has not worked out how I was initially told. I was told she would be in the hospital a week with this and then go to rehab. And the day the surgeon operate it, he kept talking about. She would be out in a few days. What happened to the week?
The hospital is an hour away. I had just gotten home last night when the nurses called me. She was upset and demanding her purse. I have her purse with me for safekeeping. She demanded her purse because she wants pain meds that she thinks are in it. I removed the pain meds. She had found some cigarettes in one of her other bags at the hospital. I did not realize were there. they had had a sitter with her all day due to agitation, and I told them I thought it was dumb. They were about to discharge someone home that requires a 24 hour sitter. The rehab doctor told me ideally she would have supervision at home either from family or a caregiver. I said I am the only family and I cannot stay awake 24 hours per day. I don’t care what PT says. She’s a fall risk. Add some strong pain pills and muscle relaxers and she’s more of a fall risk.
In last nights fit they were helping her to the bathroom, and she said they were trying to hurt her. They offered her a walker and she refused it because it was not her walker. Never mind that she normally never uses her own walker. She threatened to pee on the floor. She told me she was in a weird building and asked who all these people were? I informed her she was in the hospital and she refused to believe that. They said they might have to restrain her.
I called a few hours later, and she had settled down, but was refusing some medications. I finally had a talk with a nurse who listened. They are having a case management meeting this morning. I wonder if this big episode will get her into a Jeri psych facility or get her a neuropsych evaluation?
I told this doctor months ago about her problems and that she would display drug seeking behaviors. I told him that day also that it’s guaranteed she would get delirium.
"Ideally"-- just say "No, I can't possibly do that". You have zero obligation to agree to discharge, pick mom up or stay with her.
Tell them it will be an unsafe discharge as mom will be home alone.
Consider not visiting the hospital. It appears to agitate mom.
I was going up today but not now with no discharge. I think it would agitate her. Nurse says she’s fine now with a sitter. Let’s see what the evening brings as far as behavior.
Having to parent a parent is just plain crazy-making!
I need relief from this hell.
Hope you can rest and relax!
You know you can not care for her. No one can care for someone Mentally ill. What I would do in this situation, allow the State to take over. You are not going to be able to continually deal with this.
Are you going to be involved in that meeting? Will her Dr. have some input?
Medicaid will pay for her care in a NH if she fits the criteria. I think this is ur opportunity to have her placed where she will be safe and u do not have to worry so much about her. You can't fix this.
If her C3-C7 fusions don’t take I guess we go thru this again."
OEdgar, I hope you mean "if these fusions don't take because of her non-compliance with instructions, I guess I understand that her health isn't something I can fix."
Honey, you can't care more about someone else's health than they do.
As some one else suggested, I’d prob get proof she agrees to rehab. She won’t sign , or would scoff at doing it in writing. She’s a career paralegal. I would at least video the discussion.
Today I bright food, listened to her scream hatefully at AT&T, changed her dressings and helped her shower. I inhaled her awful smoke all day.
Crossing my fingers she gets over this surgery. We’d actually gotten her life pretty stable.
Did the hospital set up any home health services for mom?
Was a neuropsych suggested in the discharge papers?
I seem to recall that a SW or RN had opined that mom needed AL BEFORE this surgery was on the horizon.
Please accept our questions and "nudging" as concern for your health and for "mission creep" which we see a LOT of.
((((Hugs))))
The surgeon asked how she was doing at home. He commented and seemed puzzled that she would have these periods of confusion and agitation, yet answer their neurological questions normally. And she was much better the day I picked her up. And by the time I got her home honestly seemed with it.
she had really stabilized before the surgery. We had her money stuff mostly straight until she decided to change banks. But once again, I think all of that is mostly worked out. Her utilities are no longer in danger of being shut off. I have online access to most of the important accounts, such as utilities, so I can check on their payment status. I have immediate power of attorney, and have turned it into one of her banks. I haven’t yet giving it to the bank with her safe deposit box is. We have the roach problem under control at her house. I really felt like things with her. We’re turning into a manageable status. And I knew the surgery would de stabilized things.
I advised you to get it in writing. Did you? If you did show her the paper she signed.
Mom decided to go ahead with the surgery knowing you would not be taking care of her should she need assistance and she may have to go into a facility. Which shocker she does.
Now she is calling you a bit-h because you are trying to get her in rehab and doctors are also going back.on what they said.
Please for your own sanity dint take her home and dont cave and agree to help her for even a minute at home. Stand firm and fight to get her into rehab and then a facility after that. Once she leaves the hospital it will be 1000 times harder to get her placed.
"I bright her home, made her food, and left!"
and then yesterday:
"Today I bright food, listened to her scream hatefully at AT&T, changed her dressings and helped her shower. I inhaled her awful smoke all day."
Why did you bring her home?
And look at the mission creep already. You're now spending all day with her, changing her dressings, and helping her to shower.
I thought you weren't going to do all of this?
I still anticipate that all of this ease up, when she can drive again. And when she no longer has dressings.