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What is reasonable behavior of the Administration?  How has anyone dealt wityMother went through a period of being scared. She was having nightmares. She told me that she had thoughts she didn't understand. She has a visual hallucination of a man in her closet and a hand coming out of the closet and grabbing the door. Just prior to this mild hysteria, the maintenance man had me wondering about what was going on. He stopped at Mother's door and in a very seductive manner asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about. I stepped forward so he could see she wasn't alone. He left the doorway. I fault myself for not speaking up then. I was floored and took it as a sign I should watch closely what was going on in Mother's life in PC. Mother's fear and anxiety kicked in big time. She had visual hallucinations. She was having nightmares of a man in her closet. She told me she was scared and nervous. All she wanted to do was sleep. She was withdrawing. Then, one morning I noticed the clock in Mom's room was fixed. Mom told me, "last night the maintenance man was here."There was also a small yogurt container that someone had placed next to her bed. We talked. She made no accusations but she wouldn't. She has always covered up any inappropriate behaviors. I told a RN in PC of Mother being frightened and scared and described how the maintenance man was being inappropriate. He was called to the nurses station. On the way he passed Mother's apartment singing love songs in a loud tone. He stopped by the apartment on the way back. He told two lies. He said he never asked her is she wanted to talk to him. He said he stopped by her apartment in the morning before i got there and fixed her TV and clock. The TV had been fixed the week before. Mother had gotten out of her nightmares and fears since he had been staying away from her. We have no assurances from the facility. She continues to improve. He should have been talked to that he is not a counselor at the facility and that he should stay away from my Mother. Something should be placed in his file that we complained s that other vulnerable grandmas are not approached inappropriately. Yesterday was her best day since last year when she started to decline. I am left disappointed that no one at the facility was equipped to deal with this with more compassion and interest. Also I called the Rape Crises Center and did research on the internet. Sexual harassment in Senior facilities and the senior population does not have the advocates of the younger population. When I made a call to the Rape Crises Center I was told I would be called back. I wish there would be programs through the Rape Crises Center for seniors as there was/is for children and the younger population. There isn't much that I could find except that this is lacking. Any feedback would be appreciated.

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Trust your gut. Get a background check on the attendant done. If the office doesn't have one, ask for one to be done. Suggest you will ask police to do it, if office refuses. There is a reason serial killers pick prostitutes and rapists pick elderly with dementia. Nobody listens to them.
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I would not have her in a facility that did not allow cameras and I would put one in.
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Hi. Just reread your answers. As to the question of had she ever had a hallucination before? the answer is no. It could be because of the deterioration of her eyes. There is a "Charles Bonnet" syndrome described on the internet linking it to severe Glaucoma. Thanks to AgingCare we have looked into laser treatment that is non-invasive that can help Mother's Glaucoma condition. We have also found a Glaucoma specialist who is not intimidated by the facility and has recommended an intervention with the laser procedure. Mother has not expressed the fears she had before. She was not abused in her childhood as someone asked. This was an entirely new experience for both of us. Thank you all for your experiences and for sharing your knowledge.
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My prayers are with you 🙏
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Bad news. mother had her lipstick smeared like she was smotching. There were other signs. I have saved and preserved these. will take advice above. I thought that once it was out in the open it would stop. To the contrary. It might have emboldened him especially when the facility did nothing to ensure Mother's safety. You are Godsends sending this info.
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I think I should add that not everyone who winds up in a nursing home has family watching out for them and those who do may not have caring loving families. Definitely consider people in this category and think of the torment they could be in and how long this could persist for a long time if no one else gets involved. The problem with today's society is no one wants to get involved until something happens to them or someone close to them. If you have no one looking out for you, you're sitting duck for something bad to happen if you happen to be vulnerable because when you become physically vulnerable, you're sitting duck if no one is looking out for you. Please take this to heart and consider people in that facility who may fit that description and be in that group of people who have no families. Those who have families may have families who aren't loving caring and those kinds of families are no better than the facility allowing the sexual abuse because they just don't care about no one but themselves. Please take this to heart and consider other vulnerable people who don't have a soft spot to fall on when trouble hits because this could very easily happen again to someone else and worse yet, someone within this type of group. One thing to consider is putting yourself in the situation and imagining having this happen to you and having no one to turn to. I don't think anyone would want to be caught in a facility with this happening and nowhere to turn
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I don't know what state you're in but help is available. I found a resource you could try because from your description it sounds like the facility doesn't care and you can sure bet that some other lady in that facility is in danger when your mom leaves. The predator will most likely retaliate against someone else in that same facility and the visits may become violent when he finds another victim when your mom is out of the picture. You might also want to take precautions that he doesn't find her and show up at the new facility. We don't know how long this has been going on or how many other he already violated. If the facility won't do something, then it sounds like you'll probably have to act on behalf of all of the residents. I don't wish this on anyone, but this may actually be the break everyone needs if this has been going on for a while and there happen to be other victims you don't know about. Nursing abuse attorneys has a 24/7 help line that will definitely be able to help you. The number 888-946-4934 is always open and someone is always there if you need help. Don't let this go, definitely report the facility somewhere because other women's safety is definitely at stake, and you don't know that some poor resident may not wind up dead later. Sexual predators are nothing but trouble and should not be ignored because things will definitely worsen. This man needs to be reported to cops and he should have to register as a sex predator for life. We don't know that he may not already be on the sex predator list, you may actually want to say something to the sheriff in your area because the sheriff usually is the one who keeps records on sex offenders.
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Will her long term care insurance pay for a different facility?

The "maintenance man" is "visiting" her in her apartment?

If this is true (and even with mild dementia, there are sometimes delusions, so I would try to confirm that others have seen him entering her premises), the facility should be informed in writing of his inappropriate actions after being spoken to, with a CC to your attorney, to the local Area Agency on Aging, the local police and the D.A. and find out if there is a local politician who has a special interest in the aging; send a copy to the person in his/her office who deals with that issue.

But first, please, PLEASE make sure that this is actually happening. early in the onset of her dementia, my mother suffered from the delusion that one of the male LPNs at the rehab facility was leering at her and having sex with someone in her bathroom. That was decidedly NOT the fact, but we knew that we were transferring mom to a different place after rehab, so we were able to talk to him and to the facility and got things arranged so that he was not assigned to her wing for the week she had left.

Just make sure that he is actually visiting her.
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I was writing and it disappeared from too heavily touching the keys. This might be a repeat. I have read over all the comments. Thank you all very much. We can transfer Mom to another facility. Prior residents who had enough have told me of a better facility closer to my home. Mom likes the ladies who sit at her table as do I. She has been with them in PC for 6 months. She will miss them but she is adaptable enough to make the move. We will have to talk it over more. Mother has mild dementia, pleasant and many periods of clarity and wisdom. She is lately speaking up and confident since this issue has been exposed. She does not have a UTI and she wasn't abused as a child. She opened up just yesterday that he was "visiting" her. It wasn't just "a" visit. We talked about it, that it is not appropriate. . .crossing boundaries. . . not to let him visit. The facility did nothing to assure us the "visits" would stop. The attorney supports her moving based on prior acts. I would like her to move home with me but my brother and cousin are against this. Many members of our church have their elderly parents living with them. I was in a group for two years of members who were care-giving their parents. My cousin more than my brother is very closed minded and more than that, he has left my Mother and me vulnerable by triangulating and manipulation. He does not care for her but puts in his two cents. It is a big disappointment that he has been harmful to her well being. I will keep reading over your Answers. God Bless you all for your thoughtful and sincere direction. God bless.
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Follow your gut instinct.
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If cameras in the room are not allowed then find a facility that dies allow it. I care for my husband at home but have cameras to monitor the caregivers when I'm not at home. Works really well
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You do not say why mom is in a care facility. Does she have dementia? If so, you might want to be very careful in interpreting what your mom is saying and experiencing. In my experience, hallucinations or delusions are very common. My grandmother believed that the people on the television were in her room and speaking directly to her at times. She also told me often that her mother visited her at night but didn't have much to say!

Or, perhaps, mom is on a medication that could be causing her to hallucinate. Even meds to help a person sleep can cause odd dreams.

On the other hand, perhaps moving mom to another facility is long past overdue. I believe you said that this hallucination started a year ago? If you truly believe that your mom has been the victim of sexual harassment, and the administration has not addressed your concern, then leaving mom in that situation makes no sense. Also, your ombudsman, who is a resident advocate, is a phone call away. They are there to mediate and be an unbiased advocate for the residents. What is holding you back?
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Hiding a device with video capability will also pick up audio. That way you can pick up everything visual and audio
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Can you hide a recording device in the room? I once heard of an elderly male patent who was fooling around with one of the nurses in the facility.
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Moving the patient to another facility is an option, but in investigation is definitely necessary just in case the accusation is true. It may turn out to not be true if your mother is really just hallucinating and imagining things. Moving her won't do a better good because if the problem is with her then the problem will follow her. If it's not with her, the problem at the current facility will continue if it's not stopped
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I think it would be good to just move her to another facility.
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Peri-care can seem an invasion to some people - just to make sure that this isn't the issue
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On this topic,.....I've wondered if nanny cams are legal and ok in assisted living facilities. Do we need to get permission first. That would seem to contradict the purpose of using one....
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Just going to say this, whether your mom is having hallucinations or not, it is obvious by what you've said the maintenance man's behavior indicates he at the least is harassing your mom and trying to scare her, or worse. Your gut is telling you this, but you are talking yourself out of what your gut is telling you. If this were my mom, I'd pull her out of there immediately.
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This is common in the elderly, not in the general population
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Someone mentioned a UTI being connected to hallucinations. I don't know how there's a connection but I've had several UTIs and have never hallucinated from any of them. I'd be interested to find out what's the connection between the two because I'm very puzzled about that one, especially as a person who has had several UTIs but no hallucinations from any of them
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I agree with moving her to another home or at the least the nanny cams. It literally makes me cry to think how someone can hurt babies or those who are so very vulnerable but it is a reality. We must try to protect them as much as we can.
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I can tell you it happens. I put my mother in respite care in a lovely nursing home. She was molested during that time. I found that she was bleeding and I took her to the ER and her doctor as a follow up. He said he had seen a lot in his practice, but this was a new low. Numerous tests have been performed. I also have the evidence. I have the man's underwear. I suspect it was another patient. However, with the new nursing home laws, mom could be accused as being the enticer. Mutual agreement could be another issue. Mom does not remember the event. She does not feel pain because of her Alzheimer's. I will not take this to court because my mom is not a credible witness. We would lose. Mom's money was stolen from her purse also. Mom's health has worsened since the "event". She's having nightmares. Her dementia is worse. Daughterlu, I suggest you and your mother meet with an eldercare attorney at her home (word will get around) and do exactly what he says. If you are in Indiana, I strongly suggest John Cremer. Esq. He's wonderful. Something is up. Time to call in professional help.
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Is there a private doctor that could do an exam on your Mom? Hallucinations can be from a UTI as well. However, I see too much of people afraid to speak up and being taken advantage of. Crooks and abusers count on people keeping quiet for fear of being labeled paranoid.....I like the idea of a camera, maybe even 2 of them hidden somewhere. If it were me I would probably stay and hide in the closet or behind the shower curtain in the bathroom, but that is just me. At least look into a camera. I am glad your Mom is doing better and hopefully it was just hallucination, but I would keep an eye on this situation.
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I really like the idea someone mentioned about a nanny cam, this is a very good idea and another very good option to get to the bottom of things. I must also say sorry to the person whose child was mistreated by a nanny. He's very lucky to be able to glare angrily at the former nanny because some abusers won't let their victims look at them, mine didn't and always got onto me for looking at her. I was always made to look away and keep my back to her so she could attack me from behind.
Anyway, anytime you're investigating an accusation, use any and all options available to you, and make sure to catch everything if you use a nanny cam. Nanny cams seems to be the best way to get to the bottom of this in case your mom is moved and the behavior continues elsewhere because you just never know these days
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cwillie, I'm not sure what planet you are from, but playing fantasy games with someone with dementia, is definitely abusive in my book. Even more so when coming from someone who is not a familiar to the elder. Please rethink your beliefs before engaging with anyone not capable of understanding that you are playing games. I'm sure the maintenance made had 'good' intentions, but is clearly out of line in visiting a resident alone late at night. Ironically most abusers see themselves as rescuers more so than they see their behavior as inappropriate or needy. Red flags here should be paid attention to. Fortunately for your mother, you are paying attention and can act accordingly. Keep us posted on how this is resolved. Blessings!!
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GET YOUR MOTHER OUT OF THERE! NOW. The care unit is not a court of law and you do not have to "prove" that this man whom you suspect has done anything inappropriate. Whether or not he has a pattern of behaving like this or not, your SOLE responsibility and concern is for your mother's welfare. It is NOT your responsibility to assess whether he is abusive to your mother.
If you remove her from this place, and she continues to have nightmares and other manifestations of trauma, it may be a sign that the problem lies with her, or it may be that she is traumatized enough by anything that this man has done that she needs psychological help. In either case, it would then be appropriate to seek counseling.
I would like to say two things about abuse and harassment. First, that I myself have been a victim of sexual harassment, and I have learned quite a bit about it. IF you accuse this man, but leave your mother in that facility, the abuse may escalate. That is why you need to remove her. Even if you do not "say" anything, if you indicate in any way that you suspect him, the abuse may escalate.
And victims of sexual harassment are often not believed. This is a BIG part of the problem in general, and lack of support makes any abuse far worse. Your mother may not even realize he has abused her, or she may be too frightened to speak out, as the nightmares may be demonstrating. Again, you don't "owe" this man "the benefit of the doubt." If you think that it would be unfair to make any accusation about him, you can just remove her from the facility without saying anything about why you are doing so. Or you may indicate to the administrator that he should be watched and let her take it from there.
Secondly, I will share my own experience with caretakers. When my children were babies, I had to work and leave them in child care. One particular caretaker was not very clean or very pleasant to talk to, and I did not feel comfortable with her. Then, one day when I picked up my son, who was about 18 months old (too young to talk), I noticed that he glared at her with a lot of anger. I had never seen him do that with anyone, and so going on my gut feeling, I never took him back. THAT NIGHT, I found another caretaker.
So, what I am saying is simply, don't wait. Go with your gut feelings and know that your mother needs you to PROTECT her. Abuse of patients in facilities like rest homes and child care centers happens all the time. You don't have to go to the police, but you do have to make sure it doesn't happen to the woman who carried you for nine months.
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Put in a nanny cam and see for yourself! Also hallucinations can be caused from some medicines.
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Confabulation can be so powerful that, according to Teepa Snow, people with dementia have passed lie detector tests while lying because they truly believe their story to be true.
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Sorry I had to cut off on my last reply, someone was diligently at the door and I had to yell at them to not show up unannounced and unexpected and I got short with them, so sorry for the short reply

I was actually trying to say that I saw a sad situation on the show where someone was falsely accused of a sexual crime, only to find out they really didn't do it and they were actually innocent but unfortunately if I recall right they were falsely imprisoned and I think the state should heavily reimburse them call for the lost time from their families and loved ones. Sometimes people with mental conditions will fabricate stories and cause trouble for innocent victims, so in this case you better prove it! Definitely have this investigated to see if this is really true or not because you don't want an innocent person being labeled and even mistreated
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