My Mother (94) is afraid to sleep alone. What do I do?

Is this something new? Is she recently widowed?
When my dad died mom found it helpful to sleep with a big pillow on his side of the bed so she didn't feel that empty space in her sleep. It also helped to have new locks put on all the doors.
If that isn't the problem then I suggest you treat it the same way you would with a small child. Try to figure out exactly what it is she fears and address the issue. If you can't pinpoint it or reassure her then leave on a nightlight and make sure she knows she can contact you easily (use a baby monitor or an alarm pendant depending on your living arrangements). And lots of older folks like to have a teddy bear or other friend to keep them company at night, my mom has one :)

Do you have a pet dog that would enjoy sleeping on the bed?

I do not feel well tonight and my husband told my
Mom that I was sleeping on the couch. Panic ensued. OMG.

An elderly friend of mine faced something very similar. He was actually scared to be alone, especially at night. He always wanted me to stay, and he even set up a spare bed on the other side of his room for me to rest as he was falling asleep in his bed on his side of the room. What I found helpful is to stay for a while after he fell asleep before going home. I only left a while after he fell asleep, and I slipped quietly out and headed home. My friend really didn't like sleeping alone, which is why he set up an extra bed for me on the other side of his room. When I was there he wasn't quite as anxious as he was when I wasn't there, so this was how this particular situation was handled.

She needs anti anxiety /antidepressant meds. Call her doctor today.

The nightlight is a good suggestion. Also, a stuffed animal may be comforting. Start out with you and the stuffed animal, and as she gets used to having it around, absent yourself once she's asleep. Maybe she will eventually need only the toy.

My mom a while before she passed always was asking where I slept and I wish I had put my bed in her room, she ended up having two falls which lead to being checked out in a hospital for a week and a two
week rehab which started a downward spiral.If you can move your bed in her room it will comfort her greatly and ease her mind that someone is there.

What you can do if you ever deal with another situation like this is strongly suggest that whoever the caregivers are put side rails on the bed of the person they're caring for, or even put the patient in a hospital bed with side rails. Falling from the bed can be especially scary because it's no way to wake up, especially if the person happens to hit their head in the fall. All other falls can also be scary, but the scariest of them all is falling from bed. This is why some people really should be using side rails, because siderails can really reduce the amount of fall risks the person may already be facing.

Get her to the PCP.....allow the PCP to make a diagnose or decide, with you there.
The final decision is your's.

Be careful, though, if you use side rails. If a person tries to climb out of bed over side rails, he/she can become entangled, and the person's injuries may be more severe than if he/she rolled off the bed.

There are certain types of side rails that are actually safe. The modern ones which are only half rails double as a bed cane to help the person grab onto something while getting into or out of the bed. There's hardly any rail to really climb over because you can easily get around the modern kind. The only thing you have to watch is if you happen to have an additional pair down around the foot of the bed, that's the only problem right there. Other than that, the ones up at the upper half of the bed should be the only ones you really need. As long as you use only the upper rails, there's really no threat of the patient getting entangled since the rails are so small these days. In fact, an elderly friend of mine had a hospital bed with such rails, and if I work really safe, he would not have been allowed to have the hospital bed with the rails but it came with.

Oh how I hate auto correct today! I was trying to say that had my friend's hospital bed side rails were not safe, he would not have been allowed to have that set up, especially knowing that the VA was paying for it.

That is true about the rails, it sounds like a good idea, but she could hurt herself. The only thing I would do is get her medication that will help her sleep.

This isn't specifically addressing the question but one of those super soft, super plush blankets or throws can be very comforting to have over oneself.

I would ask questions to pinpoint.

Sometimes the night can be scarier.

Do you think the fear is due to maybe needing water, food or to get to the bathroom?

Breakins?

Loneliness?

Difficulty seeing in the dark?
I would keep going down a list, but in a way as to not generate more fears if possible.

If she is a believer, she might find a prayer and/or scripture also comforting.

After my 90 year old Dad died, my mom begged me to sleep with her. No way. Need my own room and boundaries. She would wake all night feeling his side of the bed looking for him and was miserable. Now she sleeps with a bright lamp on all night- reads and falls asleep, wakes, reads and falls asleep again. It works for her.

She takes naps during the day to catch up. She feels safe sleeping during the day. At night, I tell her good night, tell her I love her, give her a kiss. I tell her that God is watching over her and I believe that He is. She is looking forward to seeing her husband in heaven again, and she hopes, one day soon. We talka bout that sometimes.

Sorry if this offends anyone, but our faith has made this season of our lives much more bearable and it makes sense to us. All other suggestions are very good as well. We tried ambian but she would end up on the floor and her conversations under its influence did not make sense at all.

When she really can;t sleep she watches TV quietly. Good luck.

A good alternative to side rails that will actually be much safer just to take a foam roll and put it under the sheet depending on how big the bed is. You can put the soft rolls on one or both sides depending on the patient's needs. What's best is there's no threat of entrapment because you can crawl right over it very safely. Something like this was used on my bed when I was younger, and it was actually very effective. The only downfall is if the bed happens to be a narrow bed, which would make bedspace very tight. This trick would work best on a bigger bed. Another trick I thought of is to put the bed against the wall corner and put a soft roll on the open side to create a secure sleeping area, and you can even put pillows up along the wall to make it even more comfortable.

Have her sleep on the couch and put the tv on for her. Then put a tv timer on the menu option so it will turn off automatically for her in case she falls asleep and forgets to turn tv off. Also, it helps if you give her a stuff animal to cuddle with when she's laying down. Hope this helps!

I deal with the same problem. Mom is afraid to be home alone at night. She is 86, frail in body but her mind is sharp and focused. One thing I did to give her more security when I am gone is to sign up with a medical alert company. She wears a button around her neck she can push to get help if she gets into an emergency situation. I do have to sleep at her house, a situation I hope to change this coming spring, but the button gives her an added sense of security, especially when I am gone for periods during the day.

GerryL--is your mom demanding or manipulative on a regular basis? Or is this a reasonable fear for her? What I am asking is whether she gets upset in order to manipulate you to do something she wants.

Also, has something triggered this very recently or did this just start when you were not feeling well and were going to sleep on the couch? Does she live in your home or vice-versa?

When I was a young mother in my 20's my husband was transferred to the midnight shift. I was afraid alone at night. I heard every noise outside, even trees brushing against the house. This was 1969 and my husband bought a small tv for the bedroom. I would watch tv and fall asleep. We put a timer on it so it didn't stay on all night. It worked for me. In fact I'm 67 now and have been a widow since 1984. I still have to have the tv on at night.
I know the situation is different, but, my point is a distraction may help. Or even a radio.

GerryL, when my father passed away, my mom didn't like having the empty space next to her. So, I would lay next to her and we would talk about whatever crossed our thoughts. One night, I fell asleep next to her. The next morning she reminded me that it's my dad's spot, and I could not sleep there. That spot was replaced with the 3 foot body pillow she made years ago. It's quite firm. She later told me that she liked the body pillow because it makes her think my dad is next to her. She also has a night light too. And, I do give my mom 3mg of melatonin before bed. It helps relax her.
Is she living in her own home or in your home? Sometime a different surrounding other than what they're used to could spark the fear. Try a body pillow and night light, to start. You can also put a chair next to her bed. You can hold her hand while you talk. Hand holding provides comfort also. Eventually, she'll fall asleep.
Good luck.

I think in my mom's case she was afraid to either die or die alone. If it's not feasible for someone to sleep with her, how about an aid in the room. Soft music or sounds from a radio/tv can provide 'company' as well

Regarding bedrails- this discussion often comes up with the people I work with. Over the last 30 years several hundred people have died or been injured with "bedrails" but it is impossible to count the thousands of injuries/lives they may have saved over those years. Part of the problem is there are no safety standards for home bedrails- the best example was one I saw on the internet- "rated for 250#" it had a shipping weight of 2.5#- how is that possible? Be careful of the cheap wobbly items on the market. In most cases a person doesn't roll out of bed during sleeping- the fall occurs during the process of getting in/out of bed. Having rails that are sturdy enough to aid in repositioning and to lean on in bed transfers is what a person should be considering. Very happy to get involved in any mobility related discussions.

Have Mom move in with you so she does not have to sleep alone

Sometimes elderly revert back to having fears that they had as a child. I would recommend hiring an aide who can stay with her during an overnight period, if you can afford it. Or you can stay with her until she falls asleep and then she won't feel like she is falling asleep alone.

oh the poor woman. I also give my Mom 3mg of melatonin or half of that and sometimes she sleeps much better. I stay and hold her hand, rub her head and tell her stories of what a great cook she is (was) and the best mother, etc, She loves it, smiles and falls asleep. Its just like a baby but no tough love here, they need you. We all want someone when we dont feel well, or are afraid, its human nature.

My mother never slept alone her entire life, first with her sisters then with my dad. My mom would be awake a lot during the night and it became too hard for my dad. We moved dad and the full size bed to back room and put 2 twin beds pushed together for mom. Her fear of people in the room was so bad that when mom was ready for bed, I was too! Honestly, I got more sleep and less worry being in the same room with mom. When my MIL was placed on hospuce i encouraged my SIL to sleep with her, at first she was very reluctant and didn't want to intrude. After a few nights she changed her mind. She told me after her mom died she was so happy she slept with her mom, they would have long talks into the night. This was her special time with her mom. As one of six kids, alone time became so precious. Good luck 😴

Could it be that old people are afraid of dying and that at night this fear is especially dominant as there is nothing to distract them except their thoughts?

Sounds to me like she needs a pet. I would recommend a service animal for her. Perhaps a big dog would make her feel that she was protected. My mother felt that her cat would protect her. He is a 20 pounder.

Jeaniepo, I think you are so right, my mom was not too verbal but I felt like she understood what i was saying. I thought of all the times i dwelled on something when I went to bed. If at all possible, I would sleep in the same room with our loved ones. For me the needs of the elderly are very dimisr to children. Thinking about how many times I came home and my parents wete babysitting and my mom was asleep with one kid in their room and dad was sleeping on the couch with the other. I felt I wanted to do the same for my mom because in her mind she was really afraid of the night. If simply holding my hand ir hearing me snore, made her feel better, I did it. My mom was not mean, rude, etc so I honestly never felt manipulated, only happy that I was able to make her feel loved. I am fortunate i was able to do this but know this is not the norm and many people don't have that luxury.