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They have lived in this house for 63 years and she does not want to leave but she needs 24/7 care even though she thinks she doesn't. I don't know if I should force her and deal with the wrath or can a Doctor tell her she needs to go or what? I need help with this. Thank you

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Think long and hard about if YOU want to be the one to provide that 24/7 care.
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kioteegal Aug 2018
I have been providing it for her since January. I will continue but would Love to do it at home with my family instead of 600 miles away. Thank you
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Your profile says Mom has ALZ/Dementia. You need to realize that she will only get worse. Even in early stages they don't reason well. Have a hard time processing so not good at making decisions for themselves. It is no longer what they want its what they need. Do you want to continue this 24/7 care? Medicaid does not cross over State lines. Meaning Mom will not qualify for services until she has the residency she needs to qualify. Does she have enough money to pay privately for an AL or NH till she can apply for Medicaid?

The doctor needs to sit right in front of her, look her in the eye and tell her she can no longer live alone. Let him be the bad guy.
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kioteegal Aug 2018
My Mom does not have Medicaid. She has a private ins that will help if she has to go in a home. Yes she has been getting worse and that's one reason I am worried about taking her out of her comfort zone. Sometimes I think it would be better but not sure. The doctor has told her and wrote a letter last year in October but she won't except it, she says she'll get another doctor. I am confused on what is best to do. I know for me to take her home with me would be cause I would have the help and support from my family. Here it's just me. Thank you
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Does she have a medical and financial POA? What kind of care will she be able to afford? If she is needing 24/7 round the clock care, I'm afraid you might find that it's going to be too much for just one person. She will in all honesty probably need memory care at some point.

First step I would say is bring mom to her doctor and have the doctor evaluate her and then sit down with both of you to go over what level of care she needs and discuss different options to come up with a plan to put into place to help meet those needs. Also, I would get the doctor's recommendations in writing in case you should need to seek guardianship in the event that mom is mentally incompetent and has no POA in place, and to present to health insurance providers, care facilities, Medicaid, etc.
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kioteegal Aug 2018
Yes there are three of us kids and we are all on the pra. They agree with me. I have been giving her the 24-7 care since January. The Doctor has told her and wrote a letter last year but she will not accept it. She has a private ins that will help pay if she needs it. Thank you.
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Have you discussed with Mom how you need to get back to your home and family but you can't because you're so worried about her? My mom is much more agreeable to helping me than she is to doing things because she needs them. So I need cameras installed in the house's common rooms so I can know she OK - otherwise I have difficulty focusing at work because I'm worried about whether she's OK.

I didn't have to talk Mom into moving, I had to talk Mom into moving Dad into MC. Mom didn't really care that her doctor said taking care of my father was impacting her health. She did care that Dad wasn't taking his medicine as prescribed or getting the monitoring his heart condition required. She did care that I was having to leave work 2-3 times a month to help with mini-emergencies.
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kioteegal Aug 2018
Yes I have discussed it with her and she says she understands but she still won't budge. She says she doesn't want to keep me away from them but she won't move. In her mind no matter what anyone says she can take care of herself. She has fallen three plus times already but she says she's fine it happens. I had monitors with my Dad and I have them for her also. Thank you and best of luck with your situation.
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