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My mom tests my limited patience nearly every day, but she's actually mild mannered and easy compared to many of the experiences posted about here.


However, there is one thing that sets her off once in a while. She usually starts out asking if we are "charging" her enough money each month. She says she wants to pay her fair share, especially since I do so much for her. (We have a signed agreement, per her lawyer of what she pays and what it covers, but she no longer remembers signing it.) Sometimes it ends there, but sometimes, later in the day, she come at me, verbally, demanding to know why we charge her anything, swearing that when my sister or I lived at home as adults that we didn't pay rent (not true) and that she didn't charge her parents (her mom never lived with her, but her dad did). I don't know if that's true, but I cannot imagine my grandfather, a proud man, would have mooched off his daughter.


The thing is, this is the only topic she becomes verbally aggressive over. There are other things she digs her heels in over, but nothing that causes he to be so nasty. She almost "rushes" me and demands I explain her finances to her, what we use her money for, etc. It's been like this since she moved up here 2 years ago. One of the earliest instances was months before her being diagnosed with dementia where she came into my room after I'd laid down for the night and loudly demanded I explain what I was doing with her money.


At any rate, it happened again a few evenings ago - a day after she asked if she was paying us enough for her upkeep. She "rushed" behind me insisting I explain why we were charging her any money at all and we went round again. I got hurt and upset that she was accusing me of misusing her money and we got into an argument. After several minutes I refused to discuss it anymore. She apologized the next morning, but I know it's only going to happen again eventually.


Is money obsession common with dementia? Does anyone else have this problem? And if so, how do you handle it?

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Yes, my mom had similar episodes about money. I think it came out of not having control any longer of her own finances. I suppose the suspicions come when there is a blank where there was once memory of what money was going where and how much there was. Now she can only imagine something instead of knowing. When my mom did this I would get out the bank statement and show her how much she had and how much had to be spent. She couldn't follow it, but it calmed her down to know it was "official" with the bank.
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I have experienced money obsession to be common in every person I know that has/had dementia.

My granny withdrew 100k from her savings and then kept changing her hiding place, so the accusations would fly about her money being stolen.
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My 93 year old Aunt is exhibiting the same behavior. Although she was always careful about her money, she is obsessed with spending too much. She has lots of money, but won’t spend it on caregivers and thinks the don’t work hard enough. She has always lived alone and never married. She is confined to a wheelchair now and I too think her money is the last thing she has control of. However, I think her dementia is clouding her judgement since she can no longer live alone safely. She has fallen many times as we have been through 5 nursing homes rehabs. She has started to verbally abuse the nursing home staff, and I have never heard her use any foul language before. I have asked for Psychiatric consults, but it seems they are reluctant or don’t know what to prescribe. So in short, I don’t have an answer, except to say I think this behavior is a symptom of dementia.
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My father who is in MC has worried all week about how he is going to make the house payment this month. The house was paid off years ago and my mom still lives there. This happens once in a while. I just try to reassure him that I’ve talked to the bank and he owes nothing.

My mom has had a much harder time with letting go of control of her money. Two of her brothers took advantage of her parents financially so I suspect that has a lot to do with it. She has been very verbally harsh with me at times even though I spend a lot of my own money on her and my dads care and always have receipts and documents if I reimburse myself. It’s really hard when my usually sweet mom accuses me, even though I realize where it comes from.
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My mom's biggest problem is - she's terrible at finances. When my stepdad was alive, he spoiled her with jewelry, clothing and vacations - that they couldn't really afford. They ended up filing for bankruptcy at one point and even got a reverse mortgage on the house thinking that would keep them secure for life. Wrong. After my dad died, my mom refused to give up the house (with a pool) and move up with us, but she was on one income and got to the point where she was taking out a payday loan every month trying to make ends meet - something I didn't know until I went down to get her. She hide it all from me, lying even. She was using "retail therapy" to feel better because she was depressed and had 2 refrigerators full of frozen dinners and cat food for all the strays in the neighborhood as well as clothes hanging in her closet with tags on them. I had to take over her finances immediately. Now she wants to spend all of her money on snacks and magazines and cosmetics to make herself look young again. I had to take her card from her at one point, I know I will have to do it again, I just hope it isn't soon.
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