Follow
Share

Moms is in late stages of ALZ but still highly functioning in many areas, she just got a new roommate who is an invalid and has full-time aides; this lady moans, spit across the room, hits and screams 24/7. My mom is normally all smiles and happy go lucky. Not any more; she's crying daily, she doesn't understand all the noise, isn't getting any sleep and is a stark contrast to who she was the day before this lady moved in. I understand there's an adjustment period but is this normal procedure to 1. have a patient share a room with someone at the other end of the spectrum? 2. have a patient requiring 24/7 aides to share a room with my mom? and shouldn't they be paying 2/3 of the rent then since there's 3 people in the room 24/7? I understand the lady needs care but, I feel like it's to my mom's detriment; I had her at my house 8 hours yesterday and she didn't want to go back to the MCF. My mom has never done this before. Any suggestions on how to address this?

Find Care & Housing
This is clearly not a roommate that’s appropriate for your mom. You’re her advocate and she’s a paying customer where she lives, she deserves to have rest and peace. Time to go to administration and adamantly tell them this isn’t working and must be changed.
Helpful Answer (19)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

UPDATE on Mom's disruptive roommate situation: I did speak with the Director last week to discuss this situation. I came out of the meeting with 2 things: 1- The lady will be getting her own room when one becomes available 2- They were going to try and get her roommate to sleep through the night. For last 2 days new roomie has seemed more sedated at night (at least, my moms getting some sleep again) so that has helped. Mom's been in a little bit better mood but still has her moments of sadness/frustration with these recent changes she's going through. Today we were told moms new roommate will be moving to her own room on Friday so we'll see what happens. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and saying a few prayers. Thanks to everyone who responded to my issue. I will continue to update this story.
Helpful Answer (17)
Reply to Floridagirl6
Report
worriedinCali Jan 27, 2020
That is good news. Thanks for updating us! Fingers crossed moms roommate sleeps at night, at least until Friday!!!!
(9)
Report
See 9 more replies
This happened to us more than once when my mom was in a skilled nursing facility.
If she “just” got the troublesome new roommate it will probably serve you to document EVERYTHING in a notebook (or on your phone?).
Report a “potential” concern about your mother’s discomfort to nurse/floor admin./social services- find out who is responsible for your mother’s floor.
Try as much as you can to state the problems WITHOUT becoming emotional about your poor mother’s plight. Your case is much stronger by saying what you (and staff) can observe and describe the two other people doing rather than describe what it’s doing to your mother, at least initially.
Be “water on stone”, politely and quietly but firmly. If necessary describe how comfortable/contented/happy your mother was before the newcomerS arrived.
If you’re told that the staff is “working on a solution” as if there’s a timeframe.
Only ONCE in 5 1/2 years did I have to write a detailed letter about this kind of problem, copies to floor admin and facility admin, and the problem WAS solved.
You are a good daughter, and your mother’s comfort IS your business and IS important.
Helpful Answer (14)
Reply to AnnReid
Report
Floridagirl6 Jan 23, 2020
Thank you!
(0)
Report
Hello,

I am sorry this is happening. First, file a complaint with the facility. The social worker there should be able to consult with you. Second, contact the regional Ombudsmsan that represents the location where the facility is located. This person can assist with advocating and providing information. Third, you can always contact the department of health in the state the facility is located.

If this was my family member, I would ask that the new roommate be moved to a different room. If they do not assist, I would look for another facility.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to SeniorsHelp
Report

I would caution against recording the roommate on your phone as it might raise privacy red flags and issues. I suspect the staff are already well aware of the roommate's behaviors. Sounds like a sit-down with the Director is in order to find a solution (room change?). Good luck!
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to JD654321
Report

As a retired nursing Clinical Staff home employee of 27 years..this in unacceptable. I would see the administrator and if that does not affect change I would call your State agency that regulates the MCF facility. File a formal complaint with them. They have to investigate complaints. I also would not record anything but I did have a friend in NYS that did and was able to prove what was going on her moms room..
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Sadinroanokeva
Report

I think it is unfair of a facility to have someone with full time help living in in such close quarters. You need to speak with them. The woman needing that kind of safety care needs also her own room. This would be TORTURE to see and endure. Please call in an ombudsman if you need to. Oop. Just say your update that this woman is on waiting list for private room. I think it should be clear that there is a limit on this wait. Because I think they may be rare in this environment. Do keep on them. Meanwhile you may have not a lot of choice but to endure.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report
Floridagirl6 Jan 23, 2020
Thank you AlvaDeer! I can't be in the room for more than a few minutes myself. After dropping her off last night, I almost went to Walmart and bought an air mattress and took it down to the MCF and was thinking I'd set it up and stay with her in the living room once other residents (most of them) have gone to bed. But I don't want to create further issues or inconvenience anyone (especially, mom just for mom to get some sleep) and always I try and sleep on ideas (that can ultimately have consequences I can't control/handle) - for example, some nights people walk through hallways (due to their situation) and scream and make lots of noise. So maybe, we won't get sleep. Like you said... I may just have to endure but, I'm always open to suggestions!! Thank You!
(4)
Report
This is beyond unacceptable. That lady is out, or your mom is out but it stops immediately, like in 48 hours. Talk to the admin, get some guidance from your long term care ombudsman. Your mom deserves to be at peace for her well-being and life as well considering this is not a free ride. My guess is they thought your mom or you would be a pushover and not complain. HA! I feel for the family of the spitter, but nope, not with my mother...
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to gdaughter
Report
Floridagirl6 Jan 26, 2020
I agree with every word you wrote. Thank you gdaughter!
(1)
Report
I’d demand my LO be moved. Nursing home put my LO in a room with a lady who didn’t speak English, and all she did was make moaning noises all day long. I went to Social Worker, and said this is unacceptable. My LO has dementia, and pretty much watches a lot of TV. There was so much noise with the moaning that she couldn’t even hear the TV.
She was moved the following day, and has an absolutely wonderful roommate now.
Sounds mean but I think they should put someone who’s hard of hearing in rooms with those that make a lot of moaning noise etc.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Getkicksonrte66
Report
Floridagirl6 Jan 26, 2020
Thanks for the great thoughts! I agree they should try and pair people accordingly, I'm not defending the MCF, but from what I understand, they were not aware of how severe the lady's condition was until she was moved in. Now they do, and should make adjustments when needed. Thank you!
(1)
Report
I had the caregiver that we had at my mother's house to come 4 hours per day when she had to go to the nursing home but my mother was blind. Actually, she ended up keeping an eye on the other patient by just being there but if your Mom's roommate can afford 24/7 outside care in a nursing home, why can't she afford a private room?? That's interesting. I may have misunderstood. I agree with another person on here in that you really should contact the Ombudsman's office. The Ombudsman is the go-between person. She/he could most likely get this solved with the Administrator faster than you can.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to elaineSC
Report
Bjwalters Jan 25, 2020
Often full time care has to be provided by nursing home if patient danger to themselves. You do not have to pay for it
(3)
Report
See All Answers

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter