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Mom is on a rollator and has not been able to go to the store without having someone with her since September when she moved in with me. Yesterday I had some errands to run and she asked if I would drop her off at CVS* so she could buy a few things. I said sure. So I left her at the store and went about my business. About 30 minutes later I returned and she had all the things she wanted to buy and we checked out. It made her very happy to be able to do this, and she wants to do it again. She wants to go to a local outlet store and spend maybe an hour there. I'm all for it, but wanted to get some other opinions. Does this sound like a good idea?


* CVS is a chain of drug stores in the U.S.

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My uncle lived alone for a long time after my aunt died. He lived to be 96 years old. He had five children and they looked after him. He did stay active for a very long time before it became necessary for him to be placed in a veteran's nursing home.

He always had strong faith so he attended daily mass in his parish. The priest saw his devotion to the Lord and appreciated how much my uncle loved attending mass. My uncle was 'old school' and always wore a suit to church. The priest asked him if he would like to become an usher in church. My uncle gladly accepted and did this for many years which kept him on his feet and active.

He was a good man, always helping others when possible. He looked out for his elderly neighbors, a sweet elderly couple, the wife had ALZ so the husband had his hands full and Uncle Eddie would grocery shop for them. When the wife died he continued to help her husband. He walked the walk, not just talk the talk.

He also used to drive to Home Depot near his home to walk around the store. He lived in NJ so it was a way to walk and not be out in the cold and snow during the winter and still get his exercise. Well, one day the store security officer approached him and asked him why was he in the store everyday and never made a purchase. My uncle explained to him that it was near his home and was a large store so he could get a fair amount of walking in. He told him that he did purchase things once in awhile as he needed them. My uncle was frugal with his money having lived through the depression. He was generous in helping others but seldom bought for himself.

Uncle Eddie was a heart patient and Parkinson's patient and his doctor told him exercise helps with all of our health issues. So he faithfully did his walking. The security officer told him that he was only doing his job and that he was a bit curious when he never made any purchases but that he wasn't disturbing anyone and he was welcome to be in the store to get exercise.

The manager in Home Depot didn't mind, nor did the security officer and it was a safe place for him to walk. It is good for us emotionally to exercise. It releases endorphins. Physically it is good, if we don't use our muscles we lose muscle mass. Use it or lose it!

So I say everyone who is capable of being active should do so. Unless it is a specific 'mall walking group' which is available in some malls, you might want to ask permission from the store manager and alert the store security to make sure it is okay to walk in that particular business if purchases are not being made on a regular basis.
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If she can handle it and be trusted and not get into trouble or disappear, it most likely would work but it would be better if she had someone with her. Then make the rest of the day "a girl's day out".
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If it's not a very crowded place and she's able to, possibly. If this is a mall type outlet, make it a date and you both go, have lunch, do girl stuff. This way you can see how she functions, etc.
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Staying physically active and engaging socially is good for everyone! Given that she did so well at CVS, I would allow/encourage other trips. Outdoor venues can perhaps figure into her experiences, if she is so inclined and you have any in your area (zoos, parks, gardening places, etc.) I would stay with her on the outdoor trips. Certainly ensure that she has a way to contact you and limited cash/credit to lose or have stolen. Perhaps keeping her cash/credit and letting her use them at checkout would be helpful?

If this place she wants to go is just a stand-alone building, you can certainly feel she's okay. Maybe work up to an hour, so she doesn't overdo it at first. Sitting near the entrance, or just outside in your car, you can monitor without tailing her! "Shopping" along with her in other areas of the store can let you keep an eye out for her without impinging on her browsing.

An indoor mall, after she builds up more stamina and can handle longer outings, would be an ideal area for her to mosey around. Plenty of seating, generally a snack/food area and lots of different shops to check out! Since that is a larger place, I would probably discreetly window shop/take a bench break around the areas she is in. She might even enjoy you joining her in some stores, so she can share some of her experience with you!
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I am no professional but I think its good to take her out on short outings. Just be aware that she may put things in her pockets or handbag. My husband put hearing aid batteries in his pocket and when I went to pay for them I asked him were did they go? He checked his pockets and their they were. We live in a very small town and I've given this store the heads up on my husband's condition so there were no scenes.
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Yes!! Outings are an excellent way to get needed physical exercise and mental stimulation! I am not comfortable leaving my 86 year old mother who has dementia, but you are the best judge about her capacity for indepence. I love spending time with Mom on outings she is able to tolerate the exersion! She is happy and that's the most important part of caring for her! I enjoy seeing her enjoy herself, even when she wants to straighten up the aisle or the restroom we visit!

When she seems able, I think giving her one or two choices in places to go or what she wants to eat is great. When she seems more confused, I just decide for her. God bless you for taking the time to spend to be with her! 💓
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I would hate to say that this is a good idea and then find out later that she was a target for crime.
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Sounds like a great idea. If there is a particular day when you're feeling unsure you can bring a book or some paperwork with you, drop her off, and hover in the car, in the parking lot, in a nearby coffee shop or in a park on a bench.
I also suggest gardens or zoos with smooth paths, if there are any nice ones in your area. I know this is beyond the scope of your question but I think being outside has great advantages!
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Before my dementia mom came to live with me she was very independent. She'd walk to the department store or thrift store near her home & roam for several hours several times a week. I always worried she would get hit by a car or attacked. She mainly paid with debit card...wasn't confident with cash.
Anyway, my mom HAD to buy something to bring home each visit..her room was filled with unused "treasures". Perhaps less shopping and more free experiences would be more enjoyable. Bless you for doing all you can to encourage her independence & confidence!!
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My Mom is 86 and had a hard time for about 4 months. I just took her with a rolator to get a pedicure and manicure. Then we went to Walmart and she did great.
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As long as she's physically and mentally up to the outing, I think it's a wonderful idea!
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This is what we do with my mom too and it is great for so many reasons for her. She carries her phone so she can always call whoever is doing the transportation should she need something and most of the time we go do our own errands or back to the house and she calls when she is in line to check out so we have time to get to the store to pick her up either when she comes out or shortly after. She uses her card so so she doesn't have to worry about figuring out cash or anything. When she first started shopping again after stroke I went in with her the first few times and let her lead checking out the first time then backed off letting her do it on her own with me nearby to help if needed and soon she was comfortable and capable enough to be on her own. The Rollator has a seat right so your mom can take a seat whenever she needs to?
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NewandTrying May 2019
Mom has a phone and the rollator has a seat. It's really rather touching to see how something like going to the drug store on her own can bring her so much happiness.
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Regarding mom's activities, I would also keep in mind what she did a day or two before. If she is well rested, by all means. Two days in a row? No. CVS is a relatively small footprint. If the outlet store isn't too much bigger, yes. Some stores these days are massive, and they really ought to place park benches in strategic spots about the store!
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I think it's a great idea. My dad could spend 3 hours in CVS, just looking at all the different everything they carry.

I used to take him to Costco or Sam's club for exercise, helped him talk to anyone that would listen and build his stamina. He pushed the cart (no walker, no way) because I live in AZ and stores have seating throughout because we are a large retirement and snowbird destination.

It helped him regain his confidence and independence to a large degree. He was tickled pink to do it alone.
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NewandTrying May 2019
I live in FL, so same thing. An old lady w/a walker is not exactly an uncommon sight.
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Yes.
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If you're really anxious about it, you could always take her and trail her discreetly for the first time or two. Trilby hat, sunglasses and trench coat optional.
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Giving your mom these outings (and the associated independence) will help keep her mind strong in addition to giving you the needed break.

To build her confidence (and your confidence in her) do what you can to get her to exercise and further strengthen her endurance.

It sounds like your mom has had great physical therapy. She probably has exhausted the benefits, but if she hasn’t, see if you can get more—so she can continue to get even stronger and more independent with her new hip (and walker). You might see if you can extend the benefits— if they work with her (for example) on a cane. (I’m not suggesting she get rid of the walker, just that she get as much therapy as possible and this might be an avenue).

Aungment this therapy by helping her grow even more independent. if you can, take her to shopping malls and build her endurance (slowly) by walking with her as far as she comfortably can. Take breaks as needed and continue as long as reasonable.

I did this with each of my parents (since it worked with one parent, I also did this with the other). We went from bench to bench and sat down. The first day our breaks were long. I liked the idea of going to an indoor mall because it eliminated weather excuses and the surface was very flat and smooth. (If they wanted to take a walk outside, we would get in our routine “mall walk” first). They were not using a walker, but were heavily leaning on me. If they wanted to go in a shop, we waited until after the “workout.” Within weeks for each, we had built up to miles without a break. It was amazing (a miracle to me)!

If you build up your Mom’s endurance, you will feel increasingly comfortable dropping her off. You will know exactly how long she can go without needing a long break. Walking (with you) at the mall will give her more experience navigating crowds successfully with her walker.

Start with empty malls - build up to crowded ones. You will be amazed by her progress.

Thank you, sincerely, for caring for your mother. I loved taking care of my parents—wasn’t always easy, but this was very important to me. Whenever I see someone like you, out with their parent, it lifts my heart.
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NeedHelpWithMom May 2019
Simply walking is excellent exercise. My mom who is 93 and uses a walker was told by her occupational and physical therapist to walk around the house for a few minutes every hour. When she did home health I noticed an improvement with her physically and mentally. Exercise releases endorphins.

Having Parkinson's disease is a struggle for her. Being a neurological disease her brain will say go but her body can't always follow. I surely hope I don't get it. It's a tough situation for Parkinson's patients.
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I would keep the store visit to 30 minutes, work up to an hour. If after 30 minutes she is still finding "treasures" give her more time but she may be done and would have to wait around for a while if you waited an hour.
Does she have a phone that she could contact you? If so then an hour might be fine. But when you drop her off I would stay within a 5 or 10 minute time frame to come get her.
I would probably stay away from Malls just in case she decides to stop in at the next store...then the next...and so on. (Unless she has a phone or watch so you can track her.)
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From your profile, I really see no problem. The first outing worked out. Maybe increments. Tell her lets work up to an hour. With a rollator, she has a seat. Tell her to make sure she uses it. Now the weather is getting warmer, take her for little walks. I believe to let them be as independent as possible.
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She could fall, or have her purse stolen. An outing is a great idea!
If not you, can someone stay with her, keep an eye out for her?
But also give her some space?
It is a very good sign that she wants to go places still. And actually
was able to ask you for that. imo.
It does not need to be you that takes her. Hire a friend, or senior companion.
A moments respite for you, because you are going to need it.
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NewandTrying May 2019
Sendhelp, the very thing that she enjoyed so much was the fact that there was no one-me or anyone else-hanging around. She was shopping by herself, just like before she broke her hip.
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I would put Luz into her wheel chair and push her around the store. She enjoyed that. She would smile at total strangers and greet some of them. She would also stop me so she could straighten up the shelves.
The grocery store we used had a special shopping cart with an adult rear facing seat that she would ride in.
At that point in time I could not let her go on her own. She got lost or I lost her once and had to resort to the chair.
As long as MOM has her faculties I would let her go. I would stay in the store with her. some employees may not know how to deal with her if her mind gets worse.
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Sounds like a great plan.

Make sure you put a slip of paper with your cell number and address in her pocket, purse etc. That way if she needs help you can easily be reached.
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