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As the weeks go by, my Mom's hearing is becoming totally intrusive. I cannot even sneeze upstairs at 2AM and expect to go back to sleep...yes-Just A Sneeze! Within 2 min; she's out of bed, all lights on downstairs and has the chair pulled in front of the phone. She'll sit there dialing my number, pounding on the wall; behind it is the entrancement to the upstairs where I live; hollering nonstop "You don't care. You don't love me. Stop ignoring me. Answer the phone or I'll call the cops", etc... Using the RING camera app on my desktop, I've noticed that she has started to forget to set the receiver back on the base between each failed call (gets my answering machine). Some days she sleeps all day; more now on cloudy days since her sundowners has set in; but once she's up she goes right into 5th gear. Not only has my anxiety gone up, but also my BP. Even my Psych says I'm showing typical signs of PTSD. I don't see that, but I do agree it's more stressful now than ever before. There's still No Chance of her going into a home; my friend stopped by last week and just said " feel for you" She's been a nurse coord at one of the NH for the last 12 years. She said she's still too independent, head strong and ambulatory for any home to take her since she'll be going in under Medicare. She said if she had the money, an ALF would be OK since she'd have her own place. Mom said she liked my Dad's place since it was like a 1 bdrm efficiency apt; which she wouldn't get anything remotely close. Anyone else have this issue and how many meds do you now take for it??

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"There's still No Chance of her going into a home"

Why? Have her placed after her next hospital stay. If she's causing so many problems you have PTSD and are having to take medications to deal, she can't live with you anymore.

If you're in her house, move. Like tomorrow!
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Your friend is wrong. Your mother, with this level of dementia, would likely qualify for long term care under Medicaid, not Medicare, if she has no real money to speak of. Ambulation and independence has nothing to do with her ability to be safe living alone which dementia strips an elder of the ability to do. That alone would qualify her for placement in a Skilled Nursing facility. Don't make assumptions based on heresay! Go see an Elder Care Attorney immediately for guidance and advice. Your life is at stake here! Stop putting your own mental health on the back burner now and take the next step to getting mom placed instead of looking for more meds to take. You deserve a life of your own, filled with peace.

Good luck
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Does your mom take anything for sundowner's related agitation? Maybe she needs the meds and not you.
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"I've got 3 rechargeable around the house to keep an eye on Mom while I'm at work."
 
"Initially she was only qualified for 12 hr/wk but now she's max'd out at 24 hr/wk. The nurse has been a Godsend."
"She's here M-F from 8a-1p; give or take depending on if she's able to come a couple hours on Sat afternoon to make her lunch & give her her meds so I don't have to take off work early."
"As soon as she gets up; she starts pounding on the kitchen wall hollering for me to 'Get off my a@@ & come down' since she lives on the 1st floor & I live on the 2nd in our house. That'll go on for hours when I'm at work," 
"I work over 64 hrs/wk on the R.R."

And you say you work 6 pm - 6 am.

It seems your mother needs much more than the 24 hours/week in-home help that she gets.

Do you get enough sleep? If not, then how can you perform satisfactorily in your job? And you have stress-related physical issues such as high bp. How long are you going to let this go on?

Have you investigated getting her into a facility? Never mind what a friend says -- seems like things have gone too far for her to be safe at home. And your quality of life matters, too.

Are you an only child? Is there another family member who can help you figure this out? Hasn't your psych suggested doing something to change your living situation?
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Medicaid, Medicare does not pay for long term care.

I think you need to have Mom evaluated for Longterm care. If they say she needs 24/7 care than she is ready for LTC. If you can't leave her to her own devises, she is 24/7 care. I would talk to her doctor, preferably a Neurologist, to see if there is a med to calm her down at these times. My Mom was healthy, just had Dementia and she went to a LTC facility.

If she has any money, you can set her up in LTC that excepts Medicaid paying privately. It will be easier getting her in that way. With my Mom she had 20k that paid two months. During that two months I applied for Medicaid and it started the 3rd month.

There are medications that could help her. Mom is not the only person with some type of behaviour problem with Dementia. Thats what LTC is for.
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For an immediate bit of relief could you put a white noise machine in her room or try noise-canceling headphones? They have sound machines that will play sounds like rainfall, babbling brook, waves on a beach, singing birds, gentle breezes etc. Tell Mom you hate that her sleep is disturbed by "all the noise you make" and suggest she try it.
Then follow the other advice here.
Best of luck to you both.
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