How can I deal with mom's constant accusations of stealing from her?

Follow
Share

I don't normally climb up on my soap box and preach, but this week I have 1,000 times been poked just hard enough to make that climb! Here goes... My 74 year old mother began accusing me of stealing her money. She is constantly hiding her purse, and goes into a raging fit when she can't find it. She then thinks that I am stealing her money. This goes on from the time we wake up until we go to bed! No amount or line of reasoning will convince her that I am not stealing anything of hers. She has even threatened to hit me! This non stop searching for her purse is driving me insane! She made no mention of having accused me, once I have found her purse. Perhaps she didn't remember she'd accused me. This is only a tip of the iceberg example of what I deal with, day in and day out. It was her keys last week... Just wonder what it will be next week??


Also, my mother has been so delusional for the past two weeks. She told me today that she could smell the food cooking on the stove, which of course, it was nothing cooking... A couple of days ago, she went into her bedroom to check on "her babies" sleeping... She see's people that isn't here on a daily basis.


My life in a nutshell... & the only thing I have to say about it is... screw you gently with a chainsaw alzheimer's/dementia disease!!! I hate you!!! *screaming this out loud*... I am sure I will get a lot of hacked off readers for this, but the beauty of it all is I really don't care. Being mature isn't always easy with being a caregiver, but it makes you feel better to just let it all out :)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
21

Answers

Show:
1 2 3
SandraLynn - I would never give my mother anything to harm her... My mother smoked cigarettes for over 40 years. She stopped smoking 10 years ago. I can't believe she didn't develop COPD from all those years that she did smoke. My dad was a heavy smoker and he did have COPD, as well as lung cancer. He had to be on oxygen to breathe, up until he passed away 5 years ago.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I can't help but I can tell you I experience same with my mom and her dementia. She has accused all those close to her of stealing, etc when she has simply misplaced. Her paranoia and hallucinations continue to increase. She's been on meds but they didn't really help just made her groggy which added to her complaints.

I used to get angry and frustrated when I couldn't set her straight or make her see reality. My saving grace was to just go with it. If she asks about things untrue....my being married to the mayor, my new babies, my sons babies, etc..I just make up a reply and she moves on. If she accuses me of stealing I ignore, if I'm there visiting I may suggest places for her to look or help her look, but I no longer get worked up over it. She seems to move on when I change the subject. When she tells me about her hallucinations (her dr boyfriend), neighbors being terrorists, national guard protecting her house, I just play along, let her tell me details (she has a vivid imagination and surprisingly, I now find the stories entertaining whereby I used to be shocked and alarmed).

So just ignore as much as you can, remember it isn't you it's the disease talking. Take a walk or find someone you can talk to, or just vent here. You'll always find someone who has walked in your shoes.

This site always makes me feel better and more confident.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My opinion on the marijuana: Im not a pot smoker. Im in my mid 40's...I smoked as a teen. If I thought it would have calmed my gram down...I may have thought about it...BUT wouldn't have followed through with the thought, because dying from inhaled smoke...is one of the WORST ways to die. Inhaling smoke causes COPD...yes, we are all going to die..but dying from drowning in your own saliva...is NOT the way to go...it's a slow, long death...Dying of lung issues means you cant swallow in the end...you slowly dehydrate, slowly die of starvation, you choke on your own phlem..slowly drown in your own phlem...and on top of all that, you CANT catch a breath...it lasts a long time. pain, we can take pills for....when dying in pain...but when you cant breath and have all the above listed..caused by smoking....IS NO FUN... Gram smoked and quit when she was 80.... she had dementia/Alzheimer's...and she died in the end of COPD...I always saw that she breathed fast...she couldn't breath laying flat...so she slept in a recliner....but when I asked her "how is your breathing?" she would smile and say "fine"...doctors took extras...didn't see much...never was a concern...up until about two months before she died...then all of a sudden...full blown COPD....pills hurt the liver...my dad died of cirrhosis of the liver...he didn't suffer half as much as my gram did in death. My grandfather died from cancer..he didn't suffer half as much as my gram did in death...my other grandmother died from stroke...she didn't suffer half as much as my gram did from COPD....marijuana is inhaled smoke....burning the linings of your lungs....Id advise against it....just my opinion...
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Really appreciate everyones reply to my questions!! It has been very helpful!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

captain - I have seen my mother high on marijuana once, and it wasn't a pretty sight. It was back in the early 80's, and to this day, I can still recall every word and every action my mom made. She experience paranoia like I had never seen in my life... from that day on, Mary Jane had become her worst enemy. I could only amagine her having just one toke off a joint now... geesh, that would for sure finish us both off with a quickness!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

... and to be sure... I'd never stolen a thing from my mother, or anyone else for that matter... and never would. I honestly think my mother wanted the pistol so she could attempt to take her own life, so she was mad about not having access to it! I hate guns, and she knew that.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My mother was that way before she became in need of a caregiver. She once hid a gold serpentine necklace underneath the drawer liner in her dresser. Then proceeded to insist ( to me, not them, thank goodness) that my mother in law or sister in law had stolen it. I assured her that they would not. A year later, she found it. More recently, she was accusing me of taking her keys and her handgun. When something like this comes up, I have to just call big brother over and he has to settle it and have the say... till then, she's not satisfied. He did come over, was determined I'd not taken anything, and no she could not have the keys and access to the gun... end result: Keys put in a drawer in chest of drawers and pistol hidden some place she would not be able to get a hold of. Not heard one single peep since then. And it was the 2nd time, we'd had the conversation, the 2nd time he'd been over. My brother thought he'd call her bluff and suggested if I'd done that, that we should call the police. He thought she'd back down, instead she said go ahead, call them! Lol! ... but wasn't so funny at the time. The last time he came over, and we moved the gun, that was the last we heard about it.. If there is anyone who can be there, when you are, to show her that you've not taken anything, that would be great. Maybe it will shut her up.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

SandraLynn -
You say it so well about medication. They SUFFER from that anxiety. I have known people who would have had a much better life if they had been medicated 40 years ago!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Went through that with our grandmother. I was her sole caretaker, until the end when we took advantage of an insurance Gram had taken out 20 years before hand for In Home Care. They came in for enough hours for me to go home and sleep.

Gram never accused me, I was the only one she trusted. But she would accuse the caretakers, but they didnt take anything. Gram didnt have anything in home to really take. She had a bank account. She would hide her wallet and then get so nervouse and anxious about losing it. I searched all day long for her purse with her sitting in her walker (walker had a seat) following me around in hopes I would be her savior and find it. It was so frustrating. But I tried to do it with joy. When I finally found it, I told Gram and she was so happy and right away said "oh! now I have to find a place to hide it!" ..... my heart dropped....joy lost.... "Please gram, dont ever do that again!".

We finally realized Gram was FULL of anxiety. You and I would be too, if we REALLY BELIEVED, people were stealing from us, mean strangers were in our home, family members cant be trusted, losing independence, forgetting everything....we too would be so full of anxiety, we would have obsessive thoughts of how to hide our belongings..

My personal belief is that if they are suffering from anxiety, medicate...Im not saying overmedicate.. but use the smallest amount until you find what works. Find a doctor who will work with you. And we dont tell them what we are giving them (our loved ones)...we say, this is your heart pill, potassium....whatever....we finally learned that seroquel helped a lot...celexa for crying...and xanax...or ativan....cut pills in half or quarters (ativan)...start with lowest dose and work the way up. Xanax is so short acting....but it was helpful....
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Unrelated? I don't think so!!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

1 2 3
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.