Follow
Share

Have you dealt with trying to move a parent in with you but knowing that his/her 3 cats are not going to work in your house? Am I being unfair? I have 2 dogs, Mom's 3 cats tend to urinate in the house and I do NOT want that in my house!! Can you think of a compromise?

Since she is demanding, don't bring her into your home. She will destroy your peace and maybe your marriage. I am dead serious.
Helpful Answer (18)
Reply to MaryKathleen
Report
AlvaDeer Oct 9, 2019
I absolutely agree. Hubby is already troubled, but that will be nothing to how quickly a marriage can crumble under this.
(8)
Report
See 1 more reply
I think it is already answered - the DH does NOT want that cats in the house. His rights have to be respected. Poor man having his MIL move in.....
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to Kimber166
Report
Isthisrealyreal Oct 9, 2019
Is already asking too much of him.
(7)
Report
If mother's choice is to not leave her cats behind, then she has made the decision to not live with you. Period.

Tell her so. And then help he find a place to live that will accept the cats and good luck on that.

My mother has 2 feral cockatiels. They are beyond filthy, and she cannot clean their cage so she just keeps lining it with more and more newspaper. She lives with YB and his family and they have between 4-7 cats, I'm not sure. The smell in that house is BAD!

I have cancer and have been on chemotherapy all summer. One of the things I am not allowed to be around during the chemo and for 6+ months post chemo is feral birds. Their feathers and dander and poop are toxic to me. I could easily get a fungal infection from them. Telling my mother that I couldn't see her for about a year due to this and asking her if she would consider re-homing the birds for a year so I COULD come help her and see her...she chose the birds. This has hurt me beyond words. She chose birds she didn't even want in the first place, they're not "hand trained" so they hiss and scream when anyone but mother gets near them. She calls them her 'little buddies' but they are just a living breathing part of her hoard.

I'm sorry for you--if you were hoping to bring mom home for her care, but we cannot MAKE our parents put us ahead of their pets or their junk.....
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Midkid58
Report
MargaretMcKen Oct 9, 2019
I would think this could be organised by letting the birds out to play with the cats.
(9)
Report
See 1 more reply
We went through this with my MIL. A family member took her cat in and keeps her updated on how he is doing. We couldn't take him in because we already have a cat who doesn't play well with others. One of my fears was that my cat would do serious harm to hers. Ours still has his claws and hers didn't. I would also never have an animal that uses my home as his personal bathroom. Cat urine smell is extremely hard to get rid of and if a male cat has learned to spray to mark his territory before getting neutered it will continue to do so, it is a learned behavior. The no kill shelter or a family member would be your best option. Also you do not know how your dogs will react to them either. Biggest deciding factor is that your husband doesn't want them there and I'm guessing you really don't either because of missing the litter box. Mom just needs to be told honestly that she can move in (tho you may want to really reconsider this) but that the cats will need to be rehomed elsewhere. If anything tell her you're afraid they wouldn't be safe around the dogs and they wouldn't be happy locked up in a small back room, it wouldn't be fair to them. Good luck to you and your situation, it's never easy for all the transitions and changes all of you are going through. If you are thinking about getting mom's house ready for sale, rip the carpet and padding out, saturate the wood floor with massingill vinegar douche, let dry, seal wood underlayment with OIL based paint then have new carpet laid. If you don't seal it humidity may reactivate the cat odor.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Takincare
Report
inkandpaper Oct 11, 2019
I posted above about looking into remediation for a house with really bad cat smell. They had kept cats in the basement, and it turns out that it is impossible to get rid of cat smell out of concrete- it will return. The only way to get rid of the smell is to get rid of the carpet, padding, and floor boards and even dry wall if necessary. Even complex, expensive methods are not guaranteed if the damage is deep. In some cases new carpeting works wonders. I mention this because knowing what I know I would never advise anyone to bring 3 cats who urinate outside of litter box into home.
(1)
Report
I am very disturbed by these posts saying to just kill the cats.  That is unthinkable.  The mom can sign a legal written agreement with a local no-kill shelter, pay for a living stipend, so the cats can live out their lives and quite possibly get adopted with another family.  I would not anyone who responded to kill the cats to come near/visit my family; you are not to be trusted.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to ChasingJoy1
Report
Ricky27 Oct 11, 2019
CJ,
I agree with you.
Animals/pets of all sorts are living creatures, not items for disposal when they pose an inconvenience.
(3)
Report
See 2 more replies
I say unfair.Pets are a sacred friendship in elders lives.Let them have their cats.
You'll have no regrets later on.Please.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to mertiloid
Report
MargaretMcKen Oct 12, 2019
'Sacred friendship?'
(0)
Report
Make book ends out of those filthy animals.

Sorry, I think that an animal that soils it own living arrangements is not all there and I would not have an animal in my home that did that.

You can make them outdoor cats, but they are a deal breaker for me.

Have you ever tried to get rid of the stench of cat urine? It is almost impossible.

Yuck, yuck, yuck!!!

Edit: I just read through the post. Heather, your mom is already trying to make the rules in your house. Just because she wants to live with you doesn't mean that you are required to grant her wish.

If she has always been stubborn and not willing to compromise with others but demands that she gets her way, you are making the worst mistake of your life by moving her in.

She will push being the mistress of the house, she will treat you like a child, she will make your home a miserable place for everyone. I would rethink your decision unless you want to be treated like you are 5, or you want to run your husband off, or maybe you want to be tied to your house 24/7 with a manipulative, ungrateful, demanding mom that doesn't care about your needs because hers are always more important. If you want to live this way, move her in. If you want to keep your marriage and your sanity let her move to an AL or stay in her home with aides coming in to help.

There are so few success stories when a parent makes ultimatums or demands about living in the home of one of their children. She has already started this behavior. Think about it.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report
Takincare Oct 9, 2019
I agree about animals that mess in the home. I've had our cat 14 years with zero issues. But then again I scoop his box twice a day too.
(9)
Report
See 2 more replies
I have four dogs. When Mom passed, I inherited my Dad, his two dogs, and her two cats. : ) My Dad's dogs are all he has left, and Mom's cats meant the world to her so I took in everyone. Yes, my house feels like a zoo sometimes, and it can be hard to keep up. I won't lie, some days are overwhelming, but somehow we make it work. My Dad's dogs make him smile, and get up in the morning. My recommendation is to give it a try before separating your mother from her cats. It may not be a bad as you think.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Cindy916
Report
robinr Oct 11, 2019
YOU are a fine human and karma will be there for you. You have spoken the truth as well. Many hugs.
(1)
Report
Well you have your answer, if Mum wants the cats, she goes into the assisted living. She has made her choice.

Although I have stated many times on this site that I will not provide care for either of my parents, I do have an agreement in place with Mum. If she goes into care, I will take her pets.

I have 3 cats and 2 dogs, I also volunteer for a cat rescue feeding feral cats 4 days a week. I understand the bond between a person and pets. I can completely understand not being concerned about damage to stuff, as it is just stuff, not a relationship.

If you have a local cat rescue, they may offer a placement service or temporary fosters.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Tothill
Report
HeatherKing Oct 9, 2019
So I am new to this site, and if I'm out of line, please tell me so, but why will you cot care for your parents? Not judging, curious.
(4)
Report
See 4 more replies
Someone has suggested trying other family members as potential re-homers for the cats. I took in my grandmother's cat when she went into assisted living. I wish I had taken him earlier, when she went to live with my cousins, as they insisted on the cat being declawed. But in any event, I was able to keep him until he died, which was after my grandmother had passed away. I lived 500 miles away, but I put him in a carrier and flew to see her on her birthday, which thrilled both her and the cat. There may be folks out there in your extended family who would be willing to take one or more of the cats.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to cat8person
Report
Ricky27 Oct 14, 2019
You are the best!
(1)
Report
See All Answers

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter