Mom’s cat needs to be put to sleep. Mom has advanced dementia. Is it better to tell her or not?

I read your update. That’s just warped. Sorry you’re dealing with such insensitive people

I think you could get hundreds of shocked responses to what your siblings did! I'm in your corner, Mark. At least you know that you tried to protect your mom from having to experience this. We can't always control what does happen, but our love and support of our parents can still make a big difference in their lives.

Actually, this post made me angry. Why would someone want to subject someone with dementia to this? Makes me wonder what type of people we are actually dealing with in this world we live in.

This was really cruel to have someone sick experience this even if they remember the incident or not.

markTS1970,
I'd also like to know why the cat had to be put to sleep? Was the cat actually ill? Did your family decide to put him to sleep just because your mom could no longer care for him? This is sad all the way around. My 87 year old aunt could no longer care for her incontinent, 15 year old chihuahua, but he was not dying, just old. We found a loving home for him because he didn't have to die because she couldn't take care of him - it's not what she would want. I find this post sad all the way around. And agree with the others that if the cat in fact was dying/ill and had to put to sleep, that it should not be done in front of your mom, but the cat should also not be just dropped off to be euthanized. Someone should be with him. Our elderly loved one's pets are not just a possession to be disposed of when inconvenient, they deserve the care and respect that they gave your loved one. Oftentimes pets are the only emotional support our loved ones have. They deserve more.

Mark,

I am so sorry that your family did this to your mom. It’s cruel.

I had my cat for 16 years and I asked my vet if I could hold her until the end.

I cried so much that he handed me a box of tissue before I left his office. It happened to be a stormy day. Between the heavy rain and my tears I couldn’t see to drive. I pulled over to a safe spot and finished crying before driving the rest of the way home.

I was young, in my 20’s when I had to euthanize my cat. I can’t imagine going through that pain as an old person with dementia.

I stayed with my little schnauzer when she had to be euthanatized. Again I cried my eyes out, so badly that my vet called me the next day to check on me. I told him that I wasn’t okay but that I would be.

I swore that I would never get another pet because I couldn’t take losing another one.

Well, six months later I had a four year old greyhound in our home that we rescued. This dog stole my heart. I adored him. My mom absolutely loved him and he loved her.

Mom said that she and the dog were growing old together. They had an incredible bond.

This time my husband took the dog to the vet. I couldn’t do it anymore. I hugged him goodbye before my husband walked out of the door.

Mom couldn’t even leave her room to bring herself to tell him goodbye. I certainly understood how she felt.

My mother was his favorite person. He loved us but we all knew that she gave him extra treats!

My grey was very tall, a retired champion racer, 85 lbs of lean muscle, fawn colored. He looked like a small dear. He was gorgeous! The sweetest dog ever. He was 13 years old. My schnauzer was also 13 when she died.

I grew up with a small Boston terrier. I thought Mom would be intimidated by our grey’s size. They instantly fell in love with each other.

I could have never had him euthanized in front of my mom. It would have broken her heart.

No! If he is at end of life and suffering, quietly have the cat euthanized without her knowledge. Leave his dish where it sits and never ever mention him. If she inquires, say something vague like “I fed him this morning.” etc. If her dementia is advanced, it is very unlikely she will process the passage of time re: his age, his health, the logic of euthanizing him, and may think the cat is being murdered. Do not put her through such an awful experience!

I'm sorry you and your Mom had to endure this very poor decision. Who is your Mom's PoA? This is the person who really was legally responsible to make this decision. If you are the PoA, then know that this may be the first of many disagreements with your siblings over care issues. Nonetheless, the PoA does what is best for your Mom, and not what makes her children "feel good". I wish you all the best on this journey.

Curious, why does your Mom's cat need to be put to sleep? Of course he is hiding in the basement as the cat no longer recognizes his/her owner due to your Mom's advanced dementia. Your Mom has become a stranger to him.

Have a Vet check the cat for any illnesses, then take the cat to a local no-kill animal shelter or cat rescue group. Even senior cats find new homes. Many years ago we adopted a 12 year old cat from the shelter. Our current one was 9 when he came here to live.

All my Cats had to be put to sleep. And each one I was with when the needle was given at the vets. Its not something that an old lady with Dementia should be forced to watch. He probably is keeping to the basement because he is dying. Animals go off to die. Just take him to the vet and if she asks about the cat, tell her he must be in the basement.

I was always with my pets at their end. I WANTED to be with them.
I think it's a mistake to think that people should not be allowed to make their own decision where they are able.
I think also that you know your Mom best, and must go with what you instinctively believe is the best way.

There is no way to avoid grief. We cannot keep our elders from pain, unhappiness and tears. We can only hold them while they mourn.

What do you think? Does it sound like a good idea to you to tell your mother with dementia that the cat is going to be put to sleep then have her watch this procedure?

No. Your mother should not be told and certainly she should not watch.

It never fails to shock me when grown adults have to ask a question like this. Really it does.

Her family doesn't understand dementia. At all.

No offense, but your family are idiots for wanting to have the vet come to moms house and put her cat down in front of her.
Just take her cat to the vets and have it put down there, and if mom asks about her cat, you just tell her that he/she must be hiding in the basement. And you tell her again and again that same answer anytime she asks.
And you can always buy her one of those life like battery operated cats that she can have sit on her lap and will purr when she rubs it.

Family is not thinking of what's best for mom. Quietly do what has to be done away from the house and let mom be spared the pain of losing her pet. If she asks where her pet is just be vague and redirect her,

I definitely wouldnt tell her. Or let her be thee.

Don’t create a problem where there isn’t one. If she doesn’t see the cat much I wouldn’t tell her. Euthanize the cat at the vet’s office.