Mom has been crying, moaning and groaning all day. Any suggestions on what to do?

Hi Jaques, sounds like a trip to the doctor ASAP is in order --if not the ER-maybe? If this is really out of the norm for her it may be a sign of a physical problem-UTI? .

I once sat with a woman who was having a bad reaction to her meds and flipping out and all I could do to help her was sing. You could try that. Make up your own words to lullabies if you can't think of what to sing. I don't know why it worked but it was the only thing that did.

Also-I think I read somewhere that those with dementia are often in tune with their caregivers emotions. If you are stressed she may be sensing it and it may not be helping. Try and relax by her --just sit by her and relax to soothing music or a glass of wine and a book and she may pick up on your body language. I do this with my girl (minus the wine) , read by her bed and just keep a hand on her and she almost instantly relaxes.

Good luck. (((( hugs to you and Mom)))

Thanks for all your suggestions.

jeanne, I called hospice and they sent a nurse over and she wasn't very helpful. She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that mom wasn't in pain, and that this was something mental/emotional. I find they are often more interested in what new medication to try than really understanding the problem. It's a bit frustrating.

capn: lol

jessie, thanks for your input. I think there may be a bit of dementia and/or psychoses here, but not diagnosed yet. That plus my mom has always been a bit of a drama queen.

Mishka, thanks for the suggestions. I've tried to work on my demeanor to be reassuring and completely calm and not let my stress show through. I think it has helped.

skinonna: Thanks for the hug.

Update:

So I talked to mom this morning (she went right back to moaning and groaing) and asked her if she was tired of being stuck in bed....and if that was part of whats going on and she said yes. Normally she wants to stay in bed because she gets out of breath and panicked when shes not lying down. But she's tired of it. So I lifted her out of bed for a little bit and into her recliner and she's settled down for now. *fingers crossed*

Oh Jaques---how horrible! My heart just breaks for you. I don't know if you are a praying person but I will say a prayer for you and your Mom if you don't mind. Just hold your Mom's hand , if you can, and breath nice deep breaths -in through the nose out , slowly put though an open mouth, lipped pursed. Breath about 5times each time you feel panicky. Remember this is not in your hands. Let go of trying to control it (if you are). You are not alone. We are here for you.
((((hugs and prayers )))))))

Yes omg I will pray for you, I have just learned to use prayer in the last year and by gosh it is working for whatever crazy reason....so I will pray because that is all I can do...
please let us know how things are doing....we care!!! my heart is breaking for you but also maybe nurse is wrong...get her in to a DR/Hospital for a more thorough assessment if you can asap ....I would say idk im flustered and in tears for you, I immediately put myself there with you.
You are not alone in spirit. and breathe as Mishka sed!!!!

love and prayers for you and your mom!!!
Juju

Hi all thanks for the kind words and support. It helps. Thanks especially to you Mishka for your hug this morning and your posts of support.

Update: Mom stopped the moaning and groaning (they medicated her with morphine and an antipsychotic and crashed this morning and hasn't been very responsive. I think she exhausted herself with all the agitation. Earlier today when you talked to her she opened her eyes and there was a completely vacant look in her eye. The hospice nurse said she's actively dying. She doesn't seem to be even opening her eyes anymore. she's not eating or drinking. Nothing today. No urine. She's under 24 hour at home hospice care now. Family is flying in from various parts to be here with her. My sister is here now too.

I've been her caregiver for a year and a half. I regret the times I was annoyed with her for my life being on hold. I keep wondering what I could've done differently and that I'm not ready to lose my mom. Like there were a few more things I needed to do or say to get things just right. I'm her youngest child and she always told me I was her favorite. She spoiled me and was always there for me. Just not ready for her to go yet

Dear Jaques, just hold her hand now, talk to her, make her comfortable and just hold her hand.... it is not too late to talk with her even if you not sure she is concsios i believe they hear us....and the simple act of holding her hand can be comfort to you both! Love her up as much as you can while here and that is all you can do....prayers to your whole family, may you find the strength you need to do this!!!!
her is something i just saw just the other day and had to copy to remember "A Moment of Respite: Holding Hands with Someone You Love – Every time she grabs your hand you are overcome with an awareness of how much she means to you. Holding hands is sensual and physically intimate, yet subtle. There are few people you allow to hold your hand, so when it happens you can be sure that the moment is special. "

Jaques, I would imagine that all caregivers/children feel regret for many things but we should not. It does not matter if you could have done thing differently -you did what you could when you were in the situation. Looking back is impossible because one can not possibly rememeber all the details that went into they why's of each situation. In other words --you did the best that you could at the time and that is all that you could do. Try not to dwell on any of the negatives from the past but cherish the time you had with her.

I am so sorry your Mom is dying. So very very sorry. I am glad your sister is there and others flying in. Take care of yourself. You are a good person. Your Mom is blessed to have you by her side. Still praying for you and your Mom and family. ((((hugs))))

My heart goes out to you and your family. Demensia or not, she knew that you was always there by her side the whole way. Now ensure to take care of yourself, and live to your fullest..."God Bless You, and Yours.

To me, one of the fine benefits of hospice care was being able to talk to one of their nurses 24/7. Have you discussed this situation with hospice?

Jacques,
What a wonderful gift you were to your Mother. I had a therapist once tell me that humans really are amazing because we choose to love even when we know our loved ones may die before us and that we will, ultimately , be in pain. I don't know why I just thought of that except that you are now enduring that pain. And it is just horrible but it is universal and it will get better. It has to get better--humans would never be able to choose to love in the first place if it didn't.

Try and take it day by day, hour by hour. Let yourself grieve but try and get some sunshine and a little exercise everyday. Surround yourself with friends and family and maybe find a support group in real life(I mean, you got us here! --but maybe a real one would be a good addition)

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please stay in touch here if you can. Let us know how you are doing. We all care. (((hugs)))