Mom has been crying, moaning and groaning all day. Any suggestions on what to do?

Hi Jaques, sounds like a trip to the doctor ASAP is in order --if not the ER-maybe? If this is really out of the norm for her it may be a sign of a physical problem-UTI? .

I once sat with a woman who was having a bad reaction to her meds and flipping out and all I could do to help her was sing. You could try that. Make up your own words to lullabies if you can't think of what to sing. I don't know why it worked but it was the only thing that did.

Also-I think I read somewhere that those with dementia are often in tune with their caregivers emotions. If you are stressed she may be sensing it and it may not be helping. Try and relax by her --just sit by her and relax to soothing music or a glass of wine and a book and she may pick up on your body language. I do this with my girl (minus the wine) , read by her bed and just keep a hand on her and she almost instantly relaxes.

Good luck. (((( hugs to you and Mom)))

heres a song i wrote, its sang to the tune of the green beret.
got this b***h and she wont pack hod.
wont saw no brick, wont make no mud.
she looks at me with such distaste, i think im gonna break her face.
bla bla bla piss and moan, making calls on her cell phone.
sister paddy yap yap yap, her eyes are brown shes so full of crap.
my youngest son wont pack no hod, wont come to work makes effed up mud.
sits on a bucket and scowls at me, oughtta put him out of his misery..
my oldest son just up and blew, without even a F- U, he aint gonna lay no brick, anything i says gonna end in prick.
little joe and ner do well, guess ive died and gone to hell. they aint gonna pack no hod, thanks a lot good one god.
screw them all i wish them well, hope they all pack hod in hell.
hope a horse fly bites your sack, hope you liked my effed up song.

i donno, its funny when i sing it. try to make some real maniacle faces and hit the wrong chords on the guitar a bit..

This sounds like a trip to Urgent Care or the ER is in order. Something is wrong and needs to be evaluated. It sounds like psychotic behavior, which generally doesn't occur out of nowhere. I hope that you can get her feeling better quickly.

I'm sorry I forgot to mention that she has ALS. She has shortness of breath, so that may be related, but this continues even when I give her the morphine hospice prescribed. Aside from being too weak to walk, and the shortness of breath there's nothing physically wrong with her. I asked her if it burns when she urinates and she said no.

I just told if she kept it up I would have her committed to a mental institution and that seems to have worked a bit.

Jaques, if she is on morphine could she feel the burn when peeing? I don't know if she could. I still say that if this is out of the ordinary behavior for her she should see a doctor. But you know her best. Hope your night is peaceful.

Sing it Capn!

To me, one of the fine benefits of hospice care was being able to talk to one of their nurses 24/7. Have you discussed this situation with hospice?

Looking for suggestions. MIL has severe anemia, osteoporosis (5 vertabrae have broken so far) thalasemia and mild/moderate dementia. This week she had Reclast infusion after recently the 5th vertabrae broke. Refusing, complaining, objecting, sullen but submitted. Now the DR says she needs another iron infustion because her ferritin reserves are extrememly low. How much explanation is in line? I usually explain once (she will ask 100 times)and then I've begun to say, "Your son loves you very much and you can trust him. He will take good care of you. If the doctor and he tell you you need this, please listen to them. Otherwise you will get very sick." I just keep repeating it. She cannot comprehend an explanation it seems. Is this appropriate? Would it be better to try to keep explaining?Any suggestions on how to get her to the doctor with so much drama and trauma?

Sorry for the last post, Meant to ask a new question. Does not hospice offer you assistance? Maybe she could benefit from a change of meds. Some of us do not react well to morphine. Is there a Hospice House near you? Now maybe the time for you to turn the caregiving over. ALS is a horrible disease. Your poor mother.
And my heart goes out to you for taking care because it is just as horrible to watch as to have.

Thanks for all your suggestions.

jeanne, I called hospice and they sent a nurse over and she wasn't very helpful. She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that mom wasn't in pain, and that this was something mental/emotional. I find they are often more interested in what new medication to try than really understanding the problem. It's a bit frustrating.

capn: lol

jessie, thanks for your input. I think there may be a bit of dementia and/or psychoses here, but not diagnosed yet. That plus my mom has always been a bit of a drama queen.

Mishka, thanks for the suggestions. I've tried to work on my demeanor to be reassuring and completely calm and not let my stress show through. I think it has helped.

skinonna: Thanks for the hug.

Update:

So I talked to mom this morning (she went right back to moaning and groaing) and asked her if she was tired of being stuck in bed....and if that was part of whats going on and she said yes. Normally she wants to stay in bed because she gets out of breath and panicked when shes not lying down. But she's tired of it. So I lifted her out of bed for a little bit and into her recliner and she's settled down for now. *fingers crossed*

Great news, Jacques! Crossing my fingers for you as well :0)

Another update:

Her regular nurse came and the nurse thinks she's dying, there's a chance it could be dementia but she seemed to think she's entered the dying phase. She's on 24 hour home care now. I'm so sad and crying. I can't think straight. I can't imagine losing my mom right now. I'm in my 30s and my dad already passed away already. Im walking around without anything to do since they're caring for mom, I can't stand to see her like this; she can't even talk anymore, just moaning and grunting and nodding or shaking her head

So sad for you. Do you have other family? Call on anyone you can, especially those who have experienced loss. At your age, with modern medicine, most people have only lost elderly grandparents. Those who have been stricken by loss are sort of a secret society that no one wants to join. They understand, and so do we.

When she is gone, her suffering will be over. I found that comforting with my father. The thing I found (after some time had passed) is that I didn't lose my parents, even though I couldn't pick up the phone and call any more. They live on inside me, and I can still talk to them every day.

Praying for you and your mother.

Oh Jaques---how horrible! My heart just breaks for you. I don't know if you are a praying person but I will say a prayer for you and your Mom if you don't mind. Just hold your Mom's hand , if you can, and breath nice deep breaths -in through the nose out , slowly put though an open mouth, lipped pursed. Breath about 5times each time you feel panicky. Remember this is not in your hands. Let go of trying to control it (if you are). You are not alone. We are here for you.
((((hugs and prayers )))))))

Jaques--any updates? Just thinking of you and Mom. Blessings to you both.

Yes omg I will pray for you, I have just learned to use prayer in the last year and by gosh it is working for whatever crazy reason....so I will pray because that is all I can do...
please let us know how things are doing....we care!!! my heart is breaking for you but also maybe nurse is wrong...get her in to a DR/Hospital for a more thorough assessment if you can asap ....I would say idk im flustered and in tears for you, I immediately put myself there with you.
You are not alone in spirit. and breathe as Mishka sed!!!!

love and prayers for you and your mom!!!
Juju

Hi all thanks for the kind words and support. It helps. Thanks especially to you Mishka for your hug this morning and your posts of support.

Update: Mom stopped the moaning and groaning (they medicated her with morphine and an antipsychotic and crashed this morning and hasn't been very responsive. I think she exhausted herself with all the agitation. Earlier today when you talked to her she opened her eyes and there was a completely vacant look in her eye. The hospice nurse said she's actively dying. She doesn't seem to be even opening her eyes anymore. she's not eating or drinking. Nothing today. No urine. She's under 24 hour at home hospice care now. Family is flying in from various parts to be here with her. My sister is here now too.

I've been her caregiver for a year and a half. I regret the times I was annoyed with her for my life being on hold. I keep wondering what I could've done differently and that I'm not ready to lose my mom. Like there were a few more things I needed to do or say to get things just right. I'm her youngest child and she always told me I was her favorite. She spoiled me and was always there for me. Just not ready for her to go yet

Jaques, I would imagine that all caregivers/children feel regret for many things but we should not. It does not matter if you could have done thing differently -you did what you could when you were in the situation. Looking back is impossible because one can not possibly rememeber all the details that went into they why's of each situation. In other words --you did the best that you could at the time and that is all that you could do. Try not to dwell on any of the negatives from the past but cherish the time you had with her.

I am so sorry your Mom is dying. So very very sorry. I am glad your sister is there and others flying in. Take care of yourself. You are a good person. Your Mom is blessed to have you by her side. Still praying for you and your Mom and family. ((((hugs))))

I think you should have her tested for demensia, not the word/question game they do ie..my mom got 25/30 correct...22/30. Yes, she's still pretty smart and they kept saying she's fine. When she actually took the CT Scan is when we found out about all that was going on w/her, as stated before whispering to somebody etc...Schizophenia. She refuse to go on any docter appt now..but doc told me to let her cool off, get over some of her anger. She's going to have to go to doc soon because she needs her meds or it will be hospitilization. As her guardian of person, I have to cover myself too, as it was stated to me on this site, recently. Much care to you and your mom...

Dear Jaques, just hold her hand now, talk to her, make her comfortable and just hold her hand.... it is not too late to talk with her even if you not sure she is concsios i believe they hear us....and the simple act of holding her hand can be comfort to you both! Love her up as much as you can while here and that is all you can do....prayers to your whole family, may you find the strength you need to do this!!!!
her is something i just saw just the other day and had to copy to remember "A Moment of Respite: Holding Hands with Someone You Love – Every time she grabs your hand you are overcome with an awareness of how much she means to you. Holding hands is sensual and physically intimate, yet subtle. There are few people you allow to hold your hand, so when it happens you can be sure that the moment is special. "

Jaques, is this new behavior, or is she always this way? She probably has some dementia, but the docs can't tell for sure without cutting open her brain, so that's out. Honestly, I think the kids are the best judges of dementia anyway, because we know what our parents are really like - or USED to be like. You know, there's no reason you have to sit by her bed and listen to this. As long as you are taking care of her basic needs and keeping her safe and giving her the meds, you are doing your job. Sitting by her bed all day listing to her whine isn't good for you, and it really doesn't do her any good either.

When my mom (who has dementia) does this kind of stuff, I tell her if she keeps it up I will have to call the ambulance and have her taken to the ER (she refuses to walk - well, except when she wants to sneak down the hall to listen in on phone conversations). When she gets really bad I tell her that if she doesn't knock it off I'm going to have to put her in a skilled nursing facility, since obviously her medical needs are too great for me to take care of her. Those two threats - or a combination thereof - are usually sufficient to get her to stop. And, of course, I can always just leave the room and go do other things.

What the doc is likely to do, unless she has a UTI, is put her on anti-depressants. Oh boy! Another miracle drug to drag her life out a few more years.

I am so sorry. I don't cry often or much and this breaks my heart. I lost my Mom when she was only 41. My father, aunt and I took care of her at home. We got to talk about what it means to die and after a turbulent relationship made a kind of peace. Your mother may feel your loving touch and hear your loving words even as her body and mind shuts down. Good for you being there for her.

Thanks for all the support guys.

Mom passed away peacefully this morning.

I dont have time to read all the responses - but you need a break. Really. You sound bitter as a result of being BURNT out. Do you have siblings who can help?

It does sound like she has dementia. Read soothing Psalms to her from the BIble to calm her. Show her old photographs. Play her old favorite music. She sounds like she is disoriented. Hold her hand and converse with her - even when she doesn't make sense.

Get help for yourself - really. Be kind to yourself. Take time to nurture yourself so you can give more to your Mom who really needs you at this stage of her life.

Oh. forgive me - I just read your last post. I pray you feel comforted during this time. Your mother sounded like she knew her time was close...

Make her some raisin bread toast with cinnamon sugar.
Use real butter.

Jaques, so sorry to hear of your loss. It sure sounds like you were all there for her and she is blessed to have had you in her life. May you find peace in the fact she no longer hurts. God bless.

Could be any number of things from my experience. Yes, need to discuss with your Hospice nurse/Medical Director. You say she is not in pain, but she may not be able to express that. Given whatever drugs she is on, could also be affecting her behavior. I would not, however, threaten her to being committed.

Please read the post folks this poor womans mother just passed away this morning ;o)

Jaques, My thoughts n prayers are with you and your family!