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80 years old and bedbound. No pain. She's just been crying and calling for her mother all day and feeling sorry for herself. I feel she may have a touch of dementia but that hasn't been diagnosed. Nothing I'm trying works, including medication, talking to her (she has a hard time speaking now), sitting next to her and ignoring it, asking her to stop, speaking patiently with her. Nothing. I'm very frazzled and drained from spending the day around her. The only times she seems normal these days is when she's asleep.

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Call his Dr,,describe what's going on,,tell them you want him admitted to hospital,,TONITE,,for an evaluation,,have them sedate him,,,they can go for days with no sleep,,which makes it worse for them and the caregiver
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if you read back a bit, his mum passed.
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Call his Dr and describe what's going on,,tell them to admit for evaluation,TONITE
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yeah, i would say call her doctor, she may be in pain. that or, i hate to say, shes seeing the light of the other side. prepare for that just in case.
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he has been looney tunes for two days. does not comprent anything i say- got a bath tonight after two weeks. barrly walking. moning and groning all day-driving me up the wall-I am so tried-has eaten 4 times today-constant in the kitchen and eating what ever is on the table-wonders around the house all night long-does not sleep-help
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Jacques,
What a wonderful gift you were to your Mother. I had a therapist once tell me that humans really are amazing because we choose to love even when we know our loved ones may die before us and that we will, ultimately , be in pain. I don't know why I just thought of that except that you are now enduring that pain. And it is just horrible but it is universal and it will get better. It has to get better--humans would never be able to choose to love in the first place if it didn't.

Try and take it day by day, hour by hour. Let yourself grieve but try and get some sunshine and a little exercise everyday. Surround yourself with friends and family and maybe find a support group in real life(I mean, you got us here! --but maybe a real one would be a good addition)

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please stay in touch here if you can. Let us know how you are doing. We all care. (((hugs)))
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sorry link was there but it mite be a lil touchy for ya still it is a song of inspiration yet sadness.....if you wish to you can google it!

praying for your family and your strength this morning and thru this entire grieving process you now face. (((HUGZ)))
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well I was thinking I have been listening to this over n over (My Last Days: Zach Sobiech "Clouds" Celebrity Music Video)....If you are a fan of music..it may give you some comfort it is such a inspiration, sorta get out of your own head for a while..its been working for me..maybe you can think of Mom as "Up Up Up in the clouds because the view's a little nicer."
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A suggestion might be to spend some time writing a biography of her. You could be living with her in memory while getting used to the loss of her physical being. I don't know if it would help.
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Jaques, just maybe try to breathe is all I can say, one moment at a time. I feel for you but just a fraction, I recall the first nite mom ever spent in the hospital, I got up without even a thought n headed to the room, only when I got there did I realize she wasn't there. It is the strangest feeling as I think not only the loss as you say the disruption of a comfortable loving labor of love routine...we all need routine..it could be bluntly translated to being fired from your job but emotionally fired for lack of a better analogy. I fear the day I have to walk in your shoes. I cant even imagine the void!
Mom n I, will pray for your strength!!
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Thank you for the posts of support. I'm a man, btw.

Still coming to terms with what's happened. I feel an incredible void right now and it doesn't seem like it will ever be filled. For the past year and half my mom was sick and my whole life revolved around her. When I went to sleep, when I woke up, how much I could sleep (depending on how much she slept), what I ate, making her meals, going to the market thinking about what she would like, lifting her out of bed and onto the commode when she was able, and then changing her diapers when she couldn't, lifting her onto her chair, feeding her, putting her on her bipap, all the people coming and going, dealing with hired caregivers, calling in hopsice and dealing with them, dealing with medication. Man. I realize almost every waking moment of mine was pretty much devoted to her, and when it wasn't, I was worrying about one thing or another related to her. And now she's gone. Just gone. Not coming back. So much finality to it, it's crushing me. I want her back. I walk into her room and her bed is there and it's empty and I start crying, so I'm avoiding her part of the house. I'm not sure what to do with myself. Thanks for listening.
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My heart goes out to you and your family. Demensia or not, she knew that you was always there by her side the whole way. Now ensure to take care of yourself, and live to your fullest..."God Bless You, and Yours.
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I just now found and read your thread. I was going to comment right off but decided to read it first from beginning to end. I'm so sorry about your mom. My condolences to you. I agree with the other posters here. My mom passed away in March. I've helped father caregive her when I was age 23, that was 24 years ago. And even when she passed away, I never came on here to tell people that I felt as if I didn't do much for her. That I should have done this or done that. I agree that as caregivers, we look back and wish we could have done more. It's part of being caregivers. I'm just soooo glad that I have No Regrets with mom. I did my best for her. And I truly believe, that YOU did your best for your mom. I think you did an excellent job at the best of your ability. Please say this over and over. And I'm positive your mom appreciated you being there with her all the way to the end of her journey. {{ HUGS }} Book
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Jaques you did a wonderful job in careing for your Mom. she was so fortunate to have such a loveing son, who cared not only for her but about her. She is at peace now may you find your own once the grieving is over
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Jaques, My thoughts n prayers are with you and your family!
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Please read the post folks this poor womans mother just passed away this morning ;o)
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Could be any number of things from my experience. Yes, need to discuss with your Hospice nurse/Medical Director. You say she is not in pain, but she may not be able to express that. Given whatever drugs she is on, could also be affecting her behavior. I would not, however, threaten her to being committed.
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Jaques, so sorry to hear of your loss. It sure sounds like you were all there for her and she is blessed to have had you in her life. May you find peace in the fact she no longer hurts. God bless.
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Make her some raisin bread toast with cinnamon sugar.
Use real butter.
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Oh. forgive me - I just read your last post. I pray you feel comforted during this time. Your mother sounded like she knew her time was close...
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I dont have time to read all the responses - but you need a break. Really. You sound bitter as a result of being BURNT out. Do you have siblings who can help?

It does sound like she has dementia. Read soothing Psalms to her from the BIble to calm her. Show her old photographs. Play her old favorite music. She sounds like she is disoriented. Hold her hand and converse with her - even when she doesn't make sense.

Get help for yourself - really. Be kind to yourself. Take time to nurture yourself so you can give more to your Mom who really needs you at this stage of her life.
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Thanks for all the support guys.

Mom passed away peacefully this morning.
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I am so sorry. I don't cry often or much and this breaks my heart. I lost my Mom when she was only 41. My father, aunt and I took care of her at home. We got to talk about what it means to die and after a turbulent relationship made a kind of peace. Your mother may feel your loving touch and hear your loving words even as her body and mind shuts down. Good for you being there for her.
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Jaques, is this new behavior, or is she always this way? She probably has some dementia, but the docs can't tell for sure without cutting open her brain, so that's out. Honestly, I think the kids are the best judges of dementia anyway, because we know what our parents are really like - or USED to be like. You know, there's no reason you have to sit by her bed and listen to this. As long as you are taking care of her basic needs and keeping her safe and giving her the meds, you are doing your job. Sitting by her bed all day listing to her whine isn't good for you, and it really doesn't do her any good either.

When my mom (who has dementia) does this kind of stuff, I tell her if she keeps it up I will have to call the ambulance and have her taken to the ER (she refuses to walk - well, except when she wants to sneak down the hall to listen in on phone conversations). When she gets really bad I tell her that if she doesn't knock it off I'm going to have to put her in a skilled nursing facility, since obviously her medical needs are too great for me to take care of her. Those two threats - or a combination thereof - are usually sufficient to get her to stop. And, of course, I can always just leave the room and go do other things.

What the doc is likely to do, unless she has a UTI, is put her on anti-depressants. Oh boy! Another miracle drug to drag her life out a few more years.
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Dear Jaques, just hold her hand now, talk to her, make her comfortable and just hold her hand.... it is not too late to talk with her even if you not sure she is concsios i believe they hear us....and the simple act of holding her hand can be comfort to you both! Love her up as much as you can while here and that is all you can do....prayers to your whole family, may you find the strength you need to do this!!!!
her is something i just saw just the other day and had to copy to remember "A Moment of Respite: Holding Hands with Someone You Love – Every time she grabs your hand you are overcome with an awareness of how much she means to you. Holding hands is sensual and physically intimate, yet subtle. There are few people you allow to hold your hand, so when it happens you can be sure that the moment is special. "
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I think you should have her tested for demensia, not the word/question game they do ie..my mom got 25/30 correct...22/30. Yes, she's still pretty smart and they kept saying she's fine. When she actually took the CT Scan is when we found out about all that was going on w/her, as stated before whispering to somebody etc...Schizophenia. She refuse to go on any docter appt now..but doc told me to let her cool off, get over some of her anger. She's going to have to go to doc soon because she needs her meds or it will be hospitilization. As her guardian of person, I have to cover myself too, as it was stated to me on this site, recently. Much care to you and your mom...
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Jaques, I would imagine that all caregivers/children feel regret for many things but we should not. It does not matter if you could have done thing differently -you did what you could when you were in the situation. Looking back is impossible because one can not possibly rememeber all the details that went into they why's of each situation. In other words --you did the best that you could at the time and that is all that you could do. Try not to dwell on any of the negatives from the past but cherish the time you had with her.

I am so sorry your Mom is dying. So very very sorry. I am glad your sister is there and others flying in. Take care of yourself. You are a good person. Your Mom is blessed to have you by her side. Still praying for you and your Mom and family. ((((hugs))))
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Hi all thanks for the kind words and support. It helps. Thanks especially to you Mishka for your hug this morning and your posts of support.

Update: Mom stopped the moaning and groaning (they medicated her with morphine and an antipsychotic and crashed this morning and hasn't been very responsive. I think she exhausted herself with all the agitation. Earlier today when you talked to her she opened her eyes and there was a completely vacant look in her eye. The hospice nurse said she's actively dying. She doesn't seem to be even opening her eyes anymore. she's not eating or drinking. Nothing today. No urine. She's under 24 hour at home hospice care now. Family is flying in from various parts to be here with her. My sister is here now too.

I've been her caregiver for a year and a half. I regret the times I was annoyed with her for my life being on hold. I keep wondering what I could've done differently and that I'm not ready to lose my mom. Like there were a few more things I needed to do or say to get things just right. I'm her youngest child and she always told me I was her favorite. She spoiled me and was always there for me. Just not ready for her to go yet
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Yes omg I will pray for you, I have just learned to use prayer in the last year and by gosh it is working for whatever crazy reason....so I will pray because that is all I can do...
please let us know how things are doing....we care!!! my heart is breaking for you but also maybe nurse is wrong...get her in to a DR/Hospital for a more thorough assessment if you can asap ....I would say idk im flustered and in tears for you, I immediately put myself there with you.
You are not alone in spirit. and breathe as Mishka sed!!!!

love and prayers for you and your mom!!!
Juju
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Jaques--any updates? Just thinking of you and Mom. Blessings to you both.
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