I know when I was helping my uncle, I had to go down and write out checks for him and then I would clean bathroom. I started slowly, did a little at a time. Finally he let me forward all bills to my house and take his checkbook but it took about a year. If he was in the living room, I would go rhey stuff in kitchen. Easier if he was occupied elsewhere then looking at what I was throwing out. Good luck this one is not easy.
Patrice has the right idea,"slowly, slowly catchee monkey" establishing trust is the way to go. Right now I am facing the possibility of downsizing and I am a pack rat. I would not say hoarder but I do keep useful things towards my crafting hobbies. I realize I may never need to use them but i rarely have to purchase odds and ends. i just shop in my craft room. At this stage I am generaly tidying up and reducing. I don't totally get rid of things I just reduce the numbers. one example is crochet hooks. I have a collection from the finest lace size up to granny squares. The tiniest ones I inherited or they were in a bundle I found at a thrift store for a few cents. now all I have ever crocheted has been lap robes and I will never use the lace ones so half of them will go but I may keep one or two so that I can pick up a run in a fine sweater. I know if I leave things as they are the kids will have to come through with a dumpster.
I agree with the other posts, a third party may be your best bet. There are a plethora of organizations that can be an advocate for you and your parent. The bottom line is your parents/loved ones safety and well being. Another company you may want to reach out to, Caring Transitions is a nation-wide company that offers a number of services during this process. They can come in and help sort/organize, clean out, remove trash, donations, etc... Good luck, don't feel like you have to do it by yourself!
My husband secretly got mom's checking account information and established online access. That way he could see if she was paying her bills. He discovered she did not pay taxes, water bills or MD co pays. If your elder decides the property taxes are unfair and does not pay them, they can unwittingly lose the home on a county tax auction for a mere pittance. Be vigilant.
New2this you are so organized! I just threw out the gas and electric bill receipts for the past 5 years. I have convinced my dad that is the bill he is looking at shows the last payment, trash last months bill. This is my thought now: everything is computerized and if you needed to find out what you paid for gas last year that you could call and get total. I trash old bills if all ok and only keep one month. I see all the papers that i save and just get so overwhelmed. Wish they would all just disappear!
I agree, a few things here and there, allow the person to have some control. Don't make bug changes all at once, that just makes people more resistant. Getting one's affairs in order is big: try explaining it will help if she becomes ill.....
To pay your parents bills you need to be able to access and write checks on their accounts or set up direct deposit. I was lucky to have a POA which I took to the banks and got the paperwork to include my name on their joint accounts. Your parents have to authorize the forms with signatures but it does not have to be notorised and they can sign the papers at home, which avoids the drama of a trip to the bank and meeting with scary people. My mom was ok with this. She was tired of dealing with banking and bills, but dad has some dementia and "everything is just fine like it is. We don't need any help!". The way I approached dad was to say "your bank sent me these papers for you to sign. If anything should ever happen to you and mom I would be able to pay bills for you". Much to my surprise and delight, he said "well that makes sense. Probably should've done that awhile back" . What he doesn't know is that I've been paying all the bills for some time now. It's no big deal at all for me and I know they're not going to get the power turned off or end up paying huge interest fees because the visa bill wasn't paid.
Best advice that I have been given in this caregiving journey, and offer it here: always offer choices. For example, when Mom's doctors said she should not live alone anymore - she was given all other possible choices. I still give her choices frequently because it feels like a conscious respect of her dignity as a person.
Getting the house in order ain't easy. I like the previous comments about a little at a time. When I visit my parents I always freak at the mess. Junk mail everywhere, rotten food, cases of paper and cleaning products (my dad loves SAMs club. This is the worst thing ever for the elderly!) I've learned to prioritise. The closet can wait, get the fuzzy stuff out of the fridge first. Then every chance I get I start filling up garbage bags but as an earlier post mentioned leave a little of this and that to camouflage your work. When they move out it will be me and my four nephews and a large truck. It'll take a week to get it all out.
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