Follow
Share

Dad died earlier this year and mom lives alone. Overall she is OK and can take care of herself but complains about hip and back pain and tiredness a lot. (she is 88, but overall fairly good shape). Nonetheless, she has bad hearing too and doesn't wear her hearing aids when she is home as she doesn't like them. So we call, and she doesn't answer often so we worry about her. We got her a safety pendant but refuses to wear it, saying her friends don't have them. We said maybe her friends don't complain about hip and back pain and being tired all the time, and they either hear phone ring when called or wear hearing aids so that she can hear phone ring.


My brothers and I have asked her to do this FOR US. So we don't have to worry if we call and she doesn't hear phone. But while she is an OCD people pleaser, straining to have the proper Christmas meal, give the most perfect presents, we say all we really want is for her to wear hearing aids and safety pendent so we don't have to worry as much. But she wont do it. Guess not much we can do - We cannot make her wear it.

Find Care & Housing
I would schedule phone calls for a certain time, leave a written reminder for her and you all be sure to call on time.

My dad refuses to use anything like that, as he sits there with a black eye saying he doesn't fall. Okay.

We can't force them to give up their idea of independence. You will read story after story here about the BIG incident that created change, usually a fall. I think for most people it is all good until it isn't and then we are forced to implement change.

Good luck and stop worrying so much, she doesn't answer the phone, you know that.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report

My mom has an alert necklace too. At first she wanted to take it off in shower so it wouldn’t get wet and break. I had to explain that it could get wet and has to be worn at all times.

I had her doctor explain that that she needed to have one. She lives with me but when I’ve been in laundry room or kitchen for a short while, she has fallen and it detects falls.

I think it wil bring you peace of mind to have a button necklace for her.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
Report

A few medic alert companies have a 'smart watch' that includes a fall sensor.  Perhaps she'd wear it as a gift watch, and not be told of the fall alert.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to GrannieAnnie
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Jan 15, 2019
What a great idea!
(1)
Report
One useful back-up might be to get her to agree to phone you twice a day (or whatever suits you). You don't need to talk, agree a signal like 3 rings - you can work it out for your own phone. The regular call means that she is OK, so you don't need to worry.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to MargaretMcKen
Report

It's very frustrating when seniors refuse to use safety precautions and good judgment. I have learned to pick my battles and just let go of some things. If she is still competent, then, it's really up to her to use the safety pendant. I know it's hard to let it go, but, I doubt that pleading with her will work. It may be easier to just plan to have someone call her every 4 hours during the day to make sure she's okay and if she doesn't answer, send police for a wellness check. Maybe, that would embarrass her into complying.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Sunnygirl1
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Jan 15, 2019
Or she’ll like the attention and see it as a social call.
(1)
Report
Is she due for a visit with her doctor anytime soon? If so, I would call the office and speak with his nurse and request that the doctor talk with her about it(without telling her you called). He could simply ask if she has one, and make it a "doctor's order" for her to wear it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to katydid1
Report
Babs75 Dec 28, 2018
That's what we did. The doctor's were very upset he didn't have one, even after he fell in the garage and couldn't get up. Luckily the door was open and he yelled and yelled until a neighbor heard him.
(0)
Report
YOU CAN'T FORCE SENIORS TO DO WHAT THEY DON'T WANT TO DO. I'M 88 AND SHORTLY AFTER MY HUSBAND DIED I GOT MY MED ALERT. I FEEL
MORE SECURE NOW,BUT KEEP IN MIND YOU CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH.TRY
TO GO WITH THE FLOW
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to maxie26
Report

My MIL refused to wear a pendant but was happy with a 'bracelet' which she wears without fail.
The hearing aids stay in the bedroom and when I talk to her and she can't hear me she will then ask me to get them for her.

Don't feel guilty if you have done your best.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Val3rie
Report

I took me getting guardianship to order a pendant because my dad insisted on making the decision himself which he is not capable of doing (age 92 - dementia - cannot make decisions anymore. The great procrastinator). After I received it, he got so angry with me he refused to wear it because he hadn't made the decision himself. We were able to get one of his caregivers to convince him that he needed to wear it and now he thinks it's great. I have found having someone outside the family in these situations has been easier as he won't listen to me.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Babs75
Report

Karsten; Guilt is for when you have done something wrong.

Regret is when circumstances dictate outcomes.

You have no power in this situation, hence, no guilt.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn
Report

Thanks. Don't know if guilt is the right sentiment, but my brothers and I do worry when we call and no one answers. She doesn't drive so unless she gets a ride from us or someone else, she really cannot leave the house. I wish for our sake she would wear it so we don't worry as much if we cannot reach her. I suppose that boils down to guilt.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Karsten
Report

Karsten, the bad news is that if your mom is competent and stubborn, she becomes her own worst enemy and gets to have an awful, unplanned future, i.e., the only available NH bed when ( not if ) she falls.

You should feel not a moment of guilt over this.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn
Report

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter