My Mom won't move closer. Any advice?

Become Teflon. Just let it rollllll right off. Or! Better! Become a ping-pong ball: "If you loved me, mom, you'd move closer." ;)

It's a four hundred mile round trip for you to see your mother. I doubt "all the other daughters" who are there all the time have to drive four hundred miles.
When she hangs up on you in a snit, don't call back. Let her call you, and when she starts up on the "all the other daughters" again, tell her you've got to go -- someone's at the door, the sink is overflowing, you have an appointment, whatever. Lather, rinse, repeat. She'll eventually get the message,

Loose the guilt. She made her choices,you are equally free to make yours. She is either manipulative or has some degree of dementia. You have no power over her choices.
It is not free to travel 400 miles once a month.
I have had the reverse experience with my younger daughter. Always strong willed she would call ask advice then argue and finally slam the phone down. I never called back and in a couple of weeks she would call again as if nothing had happened. So I absolutely agree with Sodonewithsal wait for her to call you and don't sit around feeling guilty.
If she moved closer it would not satisfy her and she would have you running round in circles all the time. Do you really want that every day?

This is about having reasonable expectations--on both sides of the issue. Set clear boundary lines that take both your needs into account and express yourself clearly in a way that acknowledges her feelings as well as yours.

"Mom, I understand that you would like me to attend more of the lovely events at your new community. I am so glad you like your new home, and enjoy going to the events I am able to attend. However, when you complain that I do not come often enough, it takes the pleasure out of visiting. Therefore, I suggest that you let me know which event on your monthly calendar you would most like me to attend. We can also do another activity or two so that my monthly visit is truly a special day that we will both enjoy."

Some facilities have a room where visitors can stay. Have you explored the option of an overnight visit so you can spend two days instead of one? That would be a nice compromise and a meaningful gesture.

If you do convince your mother to move closer to you, you can count on the fact that she will be even more needy and demanding. When your mother's condition declines (which it will), the demands on you will increase. I would wait until that stage is upon you before moving your mother closer. It might be a good idea to start exploring living options ahead of time so that you will be better-prepared when that time comes.

Barbara Matthews, author
What to Do about Mama?
http://bgmatthewsblog.wordpress.com

Hi Caregiver99, I am thinking should her mother eventually become mentally unable to make decisions or she has a surgery or something that keeps her from managing her finances, someone needs to take over. And as an only child, she would be "it". Without the POA, she can't do that. It's always wise to have that in place when a parent is elderly.

Both stay where you are. Once a month is good, and you can check with the head nurse too during the visit. Don't believe the fairy tale about all the other daughters. If it was true, you couldn't find a parking spot when you got there. YES take a look at that parking lot next time. No cars? Nobody on the porch? Nobody in the common areas? Where did they go?

WTDAM1stbook, great ideas! I think you might want to stock up on inexpensive cards and mail them to her weekly as a treat. It's always nice to get a card/post card in the mail! Or maybe send a bouquet on occasion so she knows she being thought about. I realize she may not even appreciate that, and nothing may help, except that YOU may feel better for having done something kind. Blessings!

Also, be sure you have POA, because if something were to happen to mom, you need to be able to take over as the only child.

starshine14, great idea about the greeting cards. I use to do that on a regular basis for my elderly aunts who still lived out-of-state at their own homes [my cousins could never get their moms to move into any type of retirement home]. I know they enjoyed getting the cards, and it let the aunts know I was thinking about them.

Indeed Pam. There are 60 residents in my mother's nursing home and any time I visit, no matter what day or time of day, there might be one or two cars in the visitors' lot and often none at all.