I'm having a hard time getting my mom to eat. She turns her nose up to everything, but ice cream. Should I try baby food?

As activity lessens, so does appetite. As some point food is totally refused, and inserting a feeding tube doesn't help, because digestive systems are shutting down. Time becomes very short, and Hospice is a huge help for everyone involved.

Have you been able to talk with your mom about end of life care decisions? Is she able to tell you what type of care she wants when the time comes? You didn't say how alert your mom is and how able she is to make decisions. I guess I'm asking if she wants to eat but doesn't like the food or it's too hard to swallow it OR if she just doesn't want to eat at all.

Speaking only for myself, when I am ready to go, I do just want to eat ice cream and sleep peacefully and slip out of this life. On another thread, we've been talking about our own personal fears of having no one there for us when we are in this place in our journey. I personally do not want to eat anything I don't want to eat. Definitely talk with her doctor and maybe you could talk with someone who could give you support in this hard time. Peace and good wishes.

When my Mom was diagnosed with "Failure to Thrive" after a severe UTI, I was informed that she also failed a "swallow test" multiple times. The hospital ICU refused to give her water or food. Mom knew. I asked the doctor if it was reversible, and he said no. I asked about Hospice, and he said Mom would be appropriate for Hospice care. The choice was: Stay in hospital where a feeding tube would be required, or, be released to Hospice. Mom was able to briefly but firmly preside over a family meeting to discuss this. Mom humorously "fired" all of us who wanted some chance for her and voted for feeding tube. She had volunteered for Hospice earlier in her life, and clearly knew what it meant. She firmly said "Hospice," and got so happy we were bringing her home. Once that agreement was signed, we could give Mom water and we were all so relieved, even though it was practically only swabbing her lips. We couldn't believe the ICU staff was so cold that they didn't tell us we could swab her lips even before Hospice. So if your Mom gets to a parched, white-lipped horribly dry state even in a hospital you should insist on lip swabbing (I was so angry no staff member offered this). Once home Mom's condition was such that sometimes she would love ice cream (she twinkled like a kid), soups, applesauce, and occasional bite of her beloved soft bread. But she just wasn't hungry. Her intestines were shut down, the Hospice nurse explained. Hospice explained that organs begin to shut down in their own pace. In the entire week we cared for her at home with Hospice guidance, she really didn't urinate much and never had a BM til death. But she was so happy and engaged when awake. Later I read all I could about "Failure to Thrive," which was actually the cause of death the doctor listed on her death certificate. Even typing the diagnosis here makes me cry and think nature is so cruel. But Hospice reassured me that she was not in pain. Shutting down takes a person on a journey we cannot know, and it is the most horrible grief to see them letting go while you are vibrant and conscious and full of energy to take care of them and get them "over this hump." It is an outrage and quite a path of learning. And one's love will just deepen. Acceptance has taken me four years to begin to ease into, and I'm still doubled over with guilt at times. My heart and prayers go out to you, and you should know you are doing all you can.

Ask her doctor for advice on what to feed her and for help with the swallowing problem. If she's going through a phase of sleeping a lot, she's not burning off many calories and so will need to eat less. If you can learn more about her condition(s) perhaps you will be at ease and can just go with the flow, as painful as it is to see a loved one decline. Blessings to you for this difficult time.

Quick note - Ferris1 advice is obviously well-intentioned and not bad at all, just with one exception, that the gag reflex, though formerly thought and probably still taught to be, is not actually all that directly connected or important to swallowing. It can be hyperactive and be an inhibiting factor; some ot the cranial nerves that it is based on are also involved in swallowing, but there are lots of people who swallow fine without one and badly with a normal one, so it is not part of a dysphagia (swallowing) assessment anymore. I kind of like stevensmom's answer too. I think good ice cream, frozen yogurt, shakes and smoothies at whatever fat content is appropriate for the person's needs can be nutritionally enough to sustain life and pleasurable enough to sustain the spirit. You could check with a nutritionist to make sure, and maybe a little fiber and a few vitamins would be needed, but these foods have protein, minerals and carbs you need, and lots of people do fine on nothing but tube feeding formulas for years on end, and they are mostly milk or milk-like with a few extras too.

All good posts. More information about your Mom would be helpful; going with what you've told us, applesauce jello is a healthy food: prepare jello as directed but use applesauce instead of the cold water; my Mom loved raspberry and strawberry jello w/applesauce; that made her mouth feel cool and it was enough to give her sustenance when she was hungry. Sleeping is o.k., she is no doubt tired - you might want to have her blood CBC checked. Swallowing is another thing with ALZ. in the later stages. If she were my Mom I'd give her anything she would want to eat, calories or no calories counted. Giving her your love and attention is the bigger part of her care and water to drink. Milk and milk products tend to coat the throat and make swallowing a bit more difficult as it make more mucus. Also, by all means discuss her condition with her doctor ASAP. Caregiving is as much guessing for your loved one as it is common sense-in other words, your gut feeling-what would you like if you were in her situation...
Bless you and keep us posted. If she is getting near the end of her life, give her permission to take that last journey, as my husband did just a month ago. He kept talking about the gate being open, not because animals were getting out, the gate was just open and I finally realized he was talking about the gate being open to heaven; I just said, "Honey, if that gate is open and you see Jesus coming for you, just go with Him. I love you, and it's o.k. for you to go with Him now or when you're ready." He died the next morning. Love, blessings and prayers for all the caregivers out there. You are awesome!

Recipe for Ensure Shake
• One can of Ensure, any flavor (Ensure comes in vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, coffee, butter pecan, eggnog and black walnut)
• One-half cup of ice cream, flavor complementary to Ensure flavor
• 2 oz. Polycose (colorless, odorless, tasteless liquid with high calories and no nutritional value, found near baby formula)
Put in blender and add any of the following according to taste:
• Banana
• Fresh or frozen strawberries
• Any fresh fruit
• Chocolate syrup
• Honey
• Any flavoring
• Oreo cookies or any other cookies like chocolate chip, graham crackers, vanilla wafers
Blend well and enjoy! For weight gain have two shakes a day in addition to regular meals.

I have to tell you I am experiencing a problem right now that began as Mom's appetite going away. She just began eating less and less and I wondered how can she live on so little food, so I contacted her doctor and asked for a refill of Megace to give her back an appetite. I did think about the fact that our bodies begin to shut down and possibly this may be what is happening but i tried the Megace.

Mom was rushed to the hospital with a very rapid heart beat and pain in the upper chest, back and going up the throat. She was hospitalized for 3 days while they got her heart beat back to a normal rate.

I had told them about the eating and Megace and the fact that when she ate she had bloating and a stomach ache of sorts but none of us put 2 and 2 together. Mom was having a gallbladder attack and it mimicked a heart attack. They increased her heart meds and we are having to pull them back down as her coumadin was way too much and her Taztia for heartbeat had been doubled and now she has swollen feet, ankles and lower legs and gained 5 pounds from water weight. All because I thought she needed to eat and she was not eating because she was getting sick but not telling me what was going on. She hates to go to the doctor and HATES THE HOSPITAL WITH A PASSION, ALTHOUGH I MUST SAY IT IS A BLESSING WHEN YOU NEED IT!!!!!!!!

I have said all this because many times there are reasons behind the behavior we just don't see the full picture. I jumped on something and by increasing her eating I think I may have made the gallbladder issue worse and now I am fighting like a crazy person to correct the matter!!!

Be careful!!!!!

Polly,

I heard somewhere that if you don't eat you don't get hungry. Still trying to figure that one out.

Anyway, since sweets don't seem to be an issue, try this: flan and tembleque. They are two types of sinful Puerto Rican custards that can become an addiction you won't want to give up. Google them. Although you might find them at the supermarket, you'll save $ by making them yourself.

Bon appetit!

My Mother does NOT have much appetite either. I try to make sure she has the things I know she likes... Ice cream bars, string cheese, nuts, and yogurt. When I make things I make sure she gets her share for example I made blueberry pancakes the other morning with fresh blueberries, she ate those well! I think you just have to keep trying. Ensure and Boost are good ideas also.