My mom willingly supports her grandson's family. She pays their car payments, gives them cash, and cosigns on loans. Is this financial abuse?

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How do you prove this? Mother is discreet about transactions for grandson. Previously provided houses and college tuition (never used for that purpose, it was fraud). Currently pays on cosigned loan for car, cash whenever he calls with weekly emergency medical, electrical, etc. This is only the stuff I know about.


Where to start? Thank you.

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Just a thought... perhaps your mom has difficulty saying "No" to her grandson. She may be very happy to say, "talk to your aunt, I put her in charge of my money". And definitely be mindful of the "gifts" going forward. In AZ our state counts ANY donations, to charity, church... anything and there is a 5 year look back period. You would do well to consult an Elder Law Attorney for planning.
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My mom has dementia and my brother discovered my sister and her husband had taken a huge amount of money from my mom several years ago. We found this out when my mom went into a nursing home, and my brother started taking over her affairs. I truly believe my sister and her husband took advantage of my mom when my mom wasn't thinking clearly. My parents always gave us kids the same no matter what. If one got a bike, we got all did. My parents were always fair. I am really angry that my sister and her husband would have taken such a huge sum. They are adults and should have gone to a bank. The situation has caused a huge rift amongst my siblings. We don't trust my sister or her husband anymore. When we cleaned out my parents house recently, they r always their hands out like two vultures. It's sad that you think it won't happen in your family, but when money and possessions are involved there is a lot of greed. Please get an attorney. My sister was never honest, she should have told myself and my two other siblings,but somehow she feels entitled to everything my parents worked for their entire lives. Your attorney can go back and maybe you will need to take legal action to protect your mom. You'll never get the money back, but maybe legally you can prevent them taking anymore. Hope this helps. hugs and prayers. how sad that money tears family apart, my sister has been mean and defensive ever since we discovered her stealing! She will have to live with herself. I think that will be her punishment!
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JoAnn, what are the plans on selling the home?
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Helping each other within a family unit is a very nice thing to do. However,  what the recipient needs to do is to be prepared to either repay the money or set it aside for her when she absolutely needs it and just return it to her. This would be the right thing to do if you're going to except help from your elder. When you're working and running into an opportunity and make the money back, at very least set it aside for the person who gifted you the money if you're in a position to do so. At very least set aside a special account with that person's name on it so that when they run into financial need, the money will be there for them. If they give you cash, set it into that special account with their name on it.  If you must borrow any of the money set aside for that person, at very least put the money back when you get paid. 

One question I have is this. Is she even competent to be shelling out that kind of money? Helping with expenses when you're able and of sound mind is one thing but people taking advantage is another. It sounds like someone may very well be taking advantage of the elder. It sounds like she has very good intentions to see her family get ahead, but does she know the difference between helping and enabling?
It sounds to me like the person milking her for money needs to start taking a little bit of responsibility and stop depending on her as much as he is now. You may want to ask him what he will do when one day she is no longer around and he doesn't inherit anything. This is a tough question I personally would ask him now so that he can hopefully realize and start taking responsibility.
Meanwhile, you may actually want to get her mentally evaluated to check her competency. If she happens to be incompetent, I would go for guardianship and take over all of her financial affairs and stop this other person from getting any more money if she happens to have been incompetent for quite some time. I would also go after the money he wrongfully took, but make him re-pay with interest. You may actually need a lawyer for this if you find out she's been in competent all along. If she's been in competent all along, this may very well be how he's been getting money from her.
However, if she's competent, I'm not sure there's going to be much you can do, but you may actually consider talking to her about becoming her POA. You may want to be in a position where you can somehow take over her financial affairs to some level or another.
You may also want to talk to her about getting her final expenses arranged such as a preneed for her funeral. She's going to need money for her final disposition, and she should take the money she's giving him and pay on a preneed that you make only through the funeral home. If she died today and has no money, she can blame herself if she has nothing to pay for her funeral and disposition. She really needs to start taking some of her own responsibility and she needs to think of her future and start paying on a preneed with the money she's giving him. Instead of giving it to him, put that toward a preneed policy
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Many adult children will have their hands out for their mother's/gma's money. Is it right? No, of course not! I have 2 cousins (1 living and 1 deceased) who accepted their parents' $$$$$$ time after time. Yes, that much! I'm really against it and in this case, the relatives should "no, Gma, I won't take your money."
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I don't care if someone has dementia or not this is financial abuse against an elderly grand mother.See a lawyer and get a POA for her finances.
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How much money does your mother have? Is she very wealthy? What happens when she needs more care? Who is going to pay for it?

Will you be the one who has to take care of your mother because she has no money to take care of herself?
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Hope I didn't sound too harsh. Didn't mean to. When my Mom took my nephew in she was 80. She gave him a home and fed him I was expected to do the rest. Nephew has physical and neurological problems. I delt with Social Security for his
SSD and other facilities for help. "I" made his major decisions but I was too hard on him when I expected him to do. His disabilities don't keep him from getting a shower daily, which he needs and she says everyother day is OK. He can clean up after himself vacumm and do dishes. But she didn't expect him to do this. Now Mom is in an AL and he is living in her home till its sold...I expect him to do. I could not get thru to her why she had to let him do. Eventually, he will be on his own and will need to know basic skills.
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First, is ur Mom competant? If so, u don't have a leg to stand on. A POA only comes into effect if the person cannot make their own decisions. But, still get one so if ur Mom is declared incompetant u can stop the payments. If you can't stop Mom from paying his bills, maybe u can have her ask him for the bill he needs paid and she can pay it directly. That way u know he isn't pocketing the money. Companies don't care who pays just as long as the bill is paid. And ur sister...no matter how much money she and her husband have they r not responsible for their sons support. The new husband is right in cutting nephew off and really ur Mom isn't helping she is enabling him. He needs to learn how to stand on his own two feet but now she has set up a pattern. She has done him no good. Gmom won't be here forever.
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I would suggest researching the laws in your state regarding financial exploitation of the elderly. You may be surprised to find that it takes little to meet the base requirements of breaking the law. For instance, in Virginia the laws are so strict that coercion is sufficient; in other words, simply asking for money in some circumstances is a felonious offense. Once you find the laws, it would be wise to print and make copies and present them to anyone you talk to, including an attorney. Here's a good place to start: http://www.ncsl.org/research/financial-services-and-commerce/financial-crimes-against-the-elderly-2013-legis.aspx

Yes, the grandson is committing financial exploitation, no matter how willing your mother.
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