My Mom (92) has an inoperable mass on her liver is now cancer. She will not eat or drink. What should I do?

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I just found out yesterday. To further complicate she developed dementia and will not speak. Hasn't said a word in 2 days. I have in home hospice care since yesterday. The nurse said just let her rest. I am certain my Mom doesn't want to be with us in this life anymore. I know her extremely well. My sister should have been here 2 days ago. Her train was cancelled due to weather. She wants artificial feeding tube. I actually want what I believe Mom wants. I love her more than life.

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The only thing I would add is that even with a feeding tube in place the body still may refuse to process the nutrition. All artificial feeding does at the end of life is put extra strain on organs that are doing their own end of life work.
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Midkid58, I like your flower. My mother's passing was also calm and sweet, but did I ever let it all hang out in my TV room in front of my niece! Not so much that my mother had died, but I missed her. I'd always go to a mall with her every Saturday, we'd pick out cool outfits to wear to Atlantic City that Sunday. My mother would choose a blue outfit where I would choose a red outfit. My sister has relocated to upstate Pennsylvania, and I will be joining her there soon so I have a couple of new mall buddies. I know I ought to keep on topic, but I just wanted to let you know how I felt about my mother's passing. When I let it all hang out, I let it all hang out!
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I support you in what your mum wants. It is not unusual for a sibling who has not been in the scene as much as you have to want extraordinary measures taken as they really do not grasp their LO's condition and are in a degree of denial. Don't make that your problem. What does her doctor say? Sometimes it is better coming from a professional. Maybe the nurse can explain things to her. I do hope that your sister has been able to make it. Our answers may be irrelevant by now. Do update us if you can ((((((hugs)))))
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I'm with the hospice nurse 100 percent about letting nature take its course in a situation like this!
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My mother was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer seven years ago. She laid in bed a lot, would not get up, would not eat, that sort of thing. My sister and I had her in the hospital for awhile; we thought the best thing to do in this type of case is to just let nature take its course. My mother's cancer had spread to her liver and bones. About a month after being diagnosed, my mother went very quickly and very peacefully; she did not suffer. Should something like that happen to me, I am going to request to go with dignity, too; very peacefully and quickly; I did not want my mother to suffer, and I sure as heck do not want to suffer.
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So sorry you are going through this. The not eating...does your mother have a advanced directive that states she doesn't want a feeding tube? You can tell your sister that she didn't want one and let mom be the "bad guy"...in the sense that she wouldn't want her life extended by a few days with a feeding tube.
When daddy stopped eating and drinking, he only lasted a few days. All he "ate" was liquid morphine, as much as he could swallow. His passing was calm and sweet. not rife with hysteria and tears. Feeding tubes are miserable...make your sister aware (if you can) that this is not about her.
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She would probably pull the feeding tube out asap. (My husband did that when they tried to prevent aspiration pneumonia shortly before he passed.) Ice chips might be soothing.
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vstefans, excellent answer! In my dad's case, it was dysphasia from late onset Parkinson's and a life threatening aspiration pneumonia following his broken hip. He was in no pain, participating in PT, no dementia at that time, and most important HE wanted to live. Every situation is different for sure!
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A feeding tube would not even be guaranteed to keep her alive longer. In the setting of advanced dementia (NOT in all cases - feeding tubes are very appropriate for many acute situations, or other situations such as brainstem stroke or bulbar CP or ALS that cause dysphagia without necessarily having progressive loss of other brain and bodily functions), hand feeding orally as tolerated/as desired is usually better for quality and quantity of life. I know sister feels bad and wants and needs to feel she has had "everything" done but a feeding tube will more likely make a tough situation worse.
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When I faced the feeding tube decision, I googled the ethics of whether to put in a feeding tube. I also discussed it with the gastroenterologist who places feeding tubes, or pegs as he called them. Your hospice provider can also guide you. I armed myself with the facts and got lots of expert advice. Please take care of yourself and let us know.
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