My Mom wants us to move in together to share expenses but I really don't want to. Any advice?

Sounds like she wanted you to have life insurance and name herself as the beneficiary. How selfish!

Do not move in with her.

She even tried to get me to get life insurance at one point. For what I don't know. I am not married and have no kids. Why would i need it? And I don't even qualify because I have pre-existing condition. And she has not thought of the long term consequences of us living together. What happens if we DO move in together and she dies? Then what? i would be stuck paying the bills and paying for a house I can't afford.

Keep it simple, don't give a lot of reasons that she will try to chip away at. Just firmly state that that is not possible, that that won't work for you. Period.

Yeah my mom is like that. I tell her i have friends and her response "What friends? You never talk about these friends" As if it is her business who I hang out with or anything.I have a brother and sister and they both have told her they can't help her. My brother is raising 3 kids on his own and when he told her he could not help her she told me "your bother hates me" and my sister has 5 kids still at home and they are strapped. She has a sister and a boyfriend who she could ask for help but she won't do it. She doesn't want to give up HER life in Arizona to move back to Washington State. But she think I should give up MY life. When my dad died 12 years ago, she could not wait to kick me out of the house and make me start living on my own. I love it now even though it was hard at first and now she wants me to go backwards. She has a job as a nanny and they people love her SO MUCH that they PAID her when they went on vacation even though she did not work. But instead of being appreciative and thankful that she can have a job and take care of herself she is whining about it. She thinks if we move in together and split the bills that we will have all this money to go on vacation. We both make less then 2,000 dollars as it is. And after all the expenses I don't see how she thinks that we will have any money left. Especiallly if she quits her job.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO do not move in im a basket case! mums hold over me with money is awful. My mum has dementia BUT it dosnt matter its a huge mistake even if you get on and she has no health issues. Stay where you are id rather be poor than live like this as soon as i can financially im moving out!
Keep your relationship mother and daughter spend time with her etc.....but dont move in youve enough problems of your own.
And we all know the guilt thing but thats thier only weapon dont fall for it!!

DON'T DO IT.

If you do, you won't be able to get out.

Sharon

Don't do it if you don't have to, trust me I am there and it is horrible. My mom is the same as yours except she does have the capacity to take control so she just puts me down and is mean to me. Yesterday she told me I was sick in the head. I am looking for a way out.

Please do not fall for this. Do not let her guilt you into this living arrangement.Guilt being the operative word.

NO, this is not going to work. She wants to take over and run your life for you - because she cares about you of course - and you are completely correct, listen to those alarm bells going off.

She may be in need of something to make her life more meaningful or fun, but hopefully you can find her something else that would fill that need besides being the full time boss of you. Or possibly she is scared she can't manage on her own, in which case getting outside help may be the answer.

What I meant is that she tells me how much money to pay on my credit card and how much I can spend on food,etc. She has a job right now so does not ask for money. But she has in the past and with me being on a fixed income that is not really good for me. I love my mom but I can't keep helping her like this.

elmopalooza - you mean you give her money? You wrote above that " She still "helps" me pay my bills" That seems to suggest that she gives you money.

I know it is hard to say "No" to a controlling mother, but that is what you have to do to keep a sane life. Just say "No" and don't get into arguments about why.

You are an adult and can make your own choices. I would tell her that you are not going to move in with her, rather than you don't want to, because saying you don't want to leaves open the possibility that you might, and encourages her to put the pressure on you to change your mind.

I doubt telling her how you feel does any good at all if she is a controlling person. She works with FOG - fear, obligation and guilt. You know there is something is this to benefit her, at your expense. I expect you also know she won't like your answer, but that is her problem. (((((hugs))))) look after you

Elmo, if you help her financially, is this miswritten?
"She still "helps" me pay my bills"

Ditto to what Jeanne wrote. I can tell that it would not make you happy. Your mother would probably take on the boss role, making you feel like you had no autonomy anymore.

I am not taking money from her! She takes money from ME.

Stop taking money from her. Cut the umbilical cord. You are 40 and it is time. Realize she controls you with money. Stop her.

"My mom wants us to move in together to share expenses but I really don't want to."

Then don't.

"She still thinks if she makes me feel guilty enough that I will give in."

Just make sure she is really truly wrong. Don't give in.