Follow
Share

My mom and I are both on social security. We both live by ourselves. up until recently things were fine but now she wants me to move in with her so we can share expenses. I love my mother but she is VERY controlling and the thought of living with her drives me crazy.I am 40 years old but she treats me like I am 4. She thinks I have no friends even though I do. She still "helps" me pay my bills. I told her I don't want to live with her and why and yet she is stiI trying to manipulate me into doing it. I love my mother but the thought of living with her makes me cringe. I lived with her for 28 years. That was enough. She thinks if we live together we will just have all this money to go on trips and such. My mom also has Lupus.I am in a wheelchair and can't take care of my sick mother. I have tried telling her how I fell but she just does not get it. She still thinks if she makes me feel guilty enough that I will give in. Help.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
"My mom wants us to move in together to share expenses but I really don't want to."

Then don't.

"She still thinks if she makes me feel guilty enough that I will give in."

Just make sure she is really truly wrong. Don't give in.
Helpful Answer (11)
Report

Keep it simple, don't give a lot of reasons that she will try to chip away at. Just firmly state that that is not possible, that that won't work for you. Period.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

Stop taking money from her. Cut the umbilical cord. You are 40 and it is time. Realize she controls you with money. Stop her.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

DON'T DO IT.

If you do, you won't be able to get out.

Sharon
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

Please do not fall for this. Do not let her guilt you into this living arrangement.Guilt being the operative word.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

my MIL with dementia tried to manipulate us into taking her in after her husband died last year. She is a real piece of work and is a "Me' girl. When I said "No way", she has money, we put her in a very nice assisted living facility with lots of activities with people her own age and she has caregivers round the clock. She wants someone to "entertain" her all of the time and that is impossible. She was that way before dementia, and it has escalated with the disease. She is unhappy and still tries to use guilt and manipulation. DON"T move in with your mother. You would be miserable and it could ruin your health
Stand firm and :just say no".
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

Don't do it! Me (46) and my daughter (13) are sharing a rental house with my mom (66) and my mom is a sulky pouty manipulator that acts worse than the teenager when she doesn't get her way! Am apartment hunting now as we speak! I didn't listen to my gut when I went into this....silly me! Don't do it!
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

Give yourself permission to put your own needs first--don't move in. You can do it!
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

Well I did it. And it DID NOT GO WELL! She called today to "go over my bills" and I very nicely told her "I am 40 years old and need to do them myself" and she just goes BONKERS. Screaming and ranting and going on and on about how i squander my money and she is just trying to "help" me. And I very nicely told her "I understand. But I am 40 years old and if I squander my money that is my problem" then she tells me to go to hell like my brother and slams the phone down. I feel better having told her how i feel but her reaction was totally out of line. She is this way with my siblings too. Always meddling in their lives and then getting pissy when they don't do what she wants.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

Actually, elmopalooza, you do want to lose that particular relationship with your mother. You very much need to lose it.

kdcm1011 has good advice: practice some answers. Practice at least once a week in case she doesn't bother you for a few weeks and catches you off-guard. "I'm handling it, Mom." "I don't talk about my finances over the phone. Say, do you remember that spice cake you used to make, with apples? I'm looking for a recipe like that." "I'm keeping track of things. Are you going to the church supper next week?"

The basic point is 1) I'm not going to discuss my finances with you and 2) Let's talk about something else. Keep those 2 points firmly in mind. And then DO NOT discuss your finances. Don't say "I owe $x." Don't say "I've worked out a new payment plan." Don't say "I did pretty good last month." DO NOT DISCUSS YOUR FINANCES TO ANY DEGREE.

You might also try, "Why do you ask, Mom?" But it is safest to simply refuse to go down that discussion path. If you have to, you can say outright "I'm not discussing my finances with you Mom. I've got to handle this myself."

Try to avoid being nasty. But remember that this particular aspect of your relationship is one you really, really want to lose.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter