She isn't going to be happy about it but sometimes we have to make decisions that are safety based instead of feelings based. At 84 the results of a fall could be fatal for her and most falls occur because of dizziness/loss of balance. My husband's mother has livex with for 2 yrs this Valentine's Day and she still isn't happy about it but we explain to her everytime she tells us she wants to move home that after she fell it was not safe for her to live alone and we did not feel like she was ready for the nursing home (she is 72). One thing we did that helped her attitude was to start taking her to our local senior citizens center for lunch. Our's is open M-F, 9-1 and she really enjoys that. Maybe you kids can find a senior activity like that for mom to enjoy. Also, make sure and find things she can do for whomever she is living with that are easy for her to do but lets her feel like she is helping out/contributing in some way. My mil's doctor also suggested counsiling if she can't move past her unhappiness but since going to the senior center she is sooooo much happier (even though the first day she didn't want to get out of the van when we got there). She now has something to look forward to. Keep in mind this has changed all of your lives and if you all stand together and understand that all of you will need a break sometimes, or to vent because mom has been a weenie that day, and that your mom needs a break sometimes too you guys will make it-it will be hard at times but then there are the days that it is great. It is nice that you have siblings, my husband is an only child. It is going to be a blesding as well as a burden. Good luck, GOD bless, and prayers for all of you. :)
Nextstep, are you talking about your siblings or your mother's siblings? What is her living situation now and what is the "decision" the "siblings" have made? If you provide more detailed information here, the agingcare.com community can respond better to your question (and what specifically is your question or concern?!).
Without knowing more of mom's circumstances, such as, is she still her own guardian or does someone have POA with the responsibility to act for her welfare? There is such a thing as holding a person against their will if you don't have legalities in force. Siblings, etc can be held liable for forcing someone to do something they don't want to do, if those pieces of paper don't exist.
There isn't enough information here, nextstep, to comment on your situation specifically.
My mother has 7 children. She is 92. She began to have serious problems about 5 years ago. I was very busy taking care of my husband with dementia, but my 3 sisters got involved in her care. They got her on Medicaid and gradually brought in various in-home care, such as cleaning, a nurse to set up pills, meals on wheels, etc. But in the last few months they have decided that she can no longer live safely on her own. They found a nice assisted living place that accepts Medicaid. Then one of the sisters retired and she and her husband offered to have Mother live with them. Mother is moving in today.
Mother did not want to leave her cozy apartment. One brother, who has not been involved in her care, does not support the decision. When there are 7 children with various levels of involvement and different life philosophies it is not surprising there isn't total agreement. I support 100% the decisions of the sisters who I have seen work so hard and extending the time that Mother could remain "independent."
I don't know what your situation is, nextstep, or why you are in the middle. But sometimes elders need an objective, loving person to act in their best interest, even if they don't like the decision. And sometimes the loving persons need to try harder to respect the elder's wishes and still keep them safe.
my mam is 86 and lives alone with help from me and my sisters, home carers and day centre. What is the point of keeping your mom safe is she is unhappy can your siblings not compromise slight dizziness on standing seems quite minor to me, my mom too experiences this but im a great beliver in maintaining her independence as long as she is relatively safe and happy. my mom is an inspiration she has vascular dementia but never ceases to amaze me. Its a bit like elders in care homes not being allowed in the garden in case they fall or not allowed to knit in case they injure themselves with needles its not fair to wrap them in cotton wool to keep us from blame if something does happen.
My daughter is an trauma intensive care nurse. The three things she says kill most patients she sees: gun shot wounds, car accidents and falls. Falls can be deadly even to younger people. But for an elderly person to fall, and often, is surely asking for a serious situation. Even if it doesn't kill them, just being in the hospital, on their backs for any time can cause other things to start failing.
I think you siblings are correct to be concerned. At some time we all will probably need to have others around. Whether family or care takers. Whether happy or not. Good luck
Have your MIL's siblings been making it possible for her to live in her own home? My ILs were very dependent upon their siblings as they lived far from all of their children. When the time came that they needed more care, the siblings knew better than anyone that it was time.
The siblings also did not want to be responsible for them anymore. This was very reasonable of them. Their own children helped push them to that decision as they were already doing support stuff for their own parents and could see that their parents couldn't keep being the support system for the ILs.
My mother has 7 children. She is 92. She began to have serious problems about 5 years ago. I was very busy taking care of my husband with dementia, but my 3 sisters got involved in her care. They got her on Medicaid and gradually brought in various in-home care, such as cleaning, a nurse to set up pills, meals on wheels, etc. But in the last few months they have decided that she can no longer live safely on her own. They found a nice assisted living place that accepts Medicaid. Then one of the sisters retired and she and her husband offered to have Mother live with them. Mother is moving in today.
Mother did not want to leave her cozy apartment. One brother, who has not been involved in her care, does not support the decision. When there are 7 children with various levels of involvement and different life philosophies it is not surprising there isn't total agreement. I support 100% the decisions of the sisters who I have seen work so hard and extending the time that Mother could remain "independent."
I don't know what your situation is, nextstep, or why you are in the middle. But sometimes elders need an objective, loving person to act in their best interest, even if they don't like the decision. And sometimes the loving persons need to try harder to respect the elder's wishes and still keep them safe.
What is your question, exactly?
I think you siblings are correct to be concerned. At some time we all will probably need to have others around. Whether family or care takers. Whether happy or not. Good luck
(I'm not saying that her siblings might not be right. But who has authority in this case?)
Have your MIL's siblings been making it possible for her to live in her own home? My ILs were very dependent upon their siblings as they lived far from all of their children. When the time came that they needed more care, the siblings knew better than anyone that it was time.
The siblings also did not want to be responsible for them anymore. This was very reasonable of them. Their own children helped push them to that decision as they were already doing support stuff for their own parents and could see that their parents couldn't keep being the support system for the ILs.
Is this the case?