My Mom wants to go to asst living to get away from me her only daughter, Any advice?

my mom never forgave me for cleaning out her hoarders nightmare over 4 years ago. she died in august and i came back home and promptly burned 95 % of everything i owned. it was all valuable but not to me. a minimalist is said to be as crazy as a hoarder but in complete opposite ways. crazy or not i can live with it. if i ever meet a nice woman we'll have to get her a fork cause i only have one. that wasnt a joke.

Lucky you! I wish my Dad would want to go to assisted living!
Honestly, it sounds like a good idea. They provide transportation; she can maintain her sense of ability and dignity as long as she is capable, and when she is not, they will move her on where she needs to be. It takes the mother-daughter argument out of the picture. Chances are she will listen more to the "experts" than to you anyway!
And I find that as much as I want to take care of my Dad, he really wants me to have my own life and not to be worried about him all the time. I try to let him have what he wants. Works better for both of us.

special225, let her be antisocial in the assisted living center.

Special225, Mom's reasons for wanting to go to Assisted Living might be flawed and may be quite painful for you. I am sorry about that. But I suggest you take advantage of her desire to go. If you can influence her, steer her to an ALF that has a memory care unit.

People with dementia generally cannot live alone past the very early stages. She will either need increasing in-home help or around-the-clock help available in a care center. If she is willing to go to a care center now, so much the better.

Be sure the facility knows Mom's hoarding history and her dementia status. It is important to get a good fit.

Most of us here have just the opposite problem. Yes, let her go to assisted living! She will be with folks her own age, and have a lot more social life than she has now. Just promise yourself that you won't bring her back from it, because as the dementia increases she will constantly change her mind. She will try to manipulate things to her advantage. If she wants to move DO IT!

Pstiergman as always is correct let her go with all the help she needs. This disease can progress so rapidly and she may already be seeing signs in herself that make her want to move.
Marylyn. Your Mom is not going to get any better so the time has already arrived for you to take charge and tell her she is going to ALF not when she chooses but now. Your sanity is not going to survive much longer. As far as cutting off all communications when she leaves that is her choice. It is not good for you, your husband and especially your son to live in the same house as this disruptive woman. It is your home reclaim it.

I'm in the hoarder mthr boat. We plopped mthr down in a memory care AL when we rescued her from dementia caused by a bleeding cancer. Cancer's gone, she's not. This is one of the most disagreeable narcissistic hoarding hermits you will meet. AL has been the best thing for *all* of us. We all need our space and our lives, and she has hers separate from ours.

Once we started her on Zoloft in AL, she has turned into a much different person who actually introduces people, tries to give hugs (I'm not getting that close to her tho), and chats with friends at the dinner table. An antidepressant might be a good thing to try - it is something I read about somewhere on Children of Hoarders or another hoarding site. Ask the doctor if he would prescribe it since her anger and hoarding are signs of depression.

I agree with the above answers. Consider yourself lucky that your mom is willing to make this change. If money is not an issue, I think she will benefit by moving now, while she is less confused. You will still be a caregiver for her, just in a different way. I still take my mom to medical appointments, bring her to my home for family gatherings, run errands for her, do her laundry and of course visit. I know that my relationship with my mom is much better than it would be if I was trying to provide 24/7 care. Maybe she knows that it would be difficult and stressful for you to provide care as her dementia worsens and she is looking out for your health.

ALF may best the best thing for her.
Anyone with dementia will eventually need to live with 24 hour companionship.
As many on this site can attest, it is hard to be the caregiver and loving daughter.
Someone else can be the caregiver, only you can be the daughter.

She may not be able to express it, maybe she does not want to burden you.

Vstefans thank you, yea it is rent from my mom. I plan on going back to counseling. Thanks :)